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Teen Poetry #6

Darkness

ForGetMeNot087
Junior Member

since 2002-12-08

Posts 15

0 posted 2003-01-11 03:19 PM

Lost

Every Day and every night,
I think that all that was right
Is gone, lost, and far from reach.
I feel like I?m stranded on a beach,
With no one but my thoughts,
My heart rots.

All that I ever had,
Has gone bad.
Never again will I love
I?d rather be a dove.
They?re free to fly,
And yet never will they lie.

Too many nights have I cried,
And felt as though I could have died.
Lying there conversing
With darkness,
Letting dark thoughts rule my mind.
Evil thoughts bend and bind
Through my hands,
As darkness fully takes over

Then you come, and take my darkness
And turn it to light.
I?m the dove I wanted to be
Free of my binds
And thanks to you
My heart is anew.

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

1 posted 2003-01-11 03:22 PM

I like this, it's a good write. I've felt the same way before... The only thing I can think of to make it better is maybe to improve the flow of the poem... The line lengths vary a lot, and that takes away from the flow of the poem in places. Anyway, other then that, I really enjoyed it. Thanks for posting.

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

2 posted 2003-01-15 12:53 PM

ForGetMeNot087~
I enjoyed reading this piece.
It kept my attention all the way through
and I liked how it twisted to a happy ending.
Very nicely done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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