Face The World - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

0 posted 2003-01-10 08:57 PM

Alrighty, I guess I'm starting to get over the writers block thing, but still not writing to my full potential in my opinion. I've written much better then this. I'm not really one for repetition, and so I know this probably won't read very well. The break in the repetition takes from the flow... Anyway, I guess I'll shut up and leave something for you all to critique. Let me know what you think.

FACE THE WORLD

I never knew I could feel this way
I never saw our names in the stars
I never saw such beauty in each day
I never lived until I fell in love with you

I couldn’t see the love in your eyes
I couldn’t feel the touch of your lips
I couldn’t fake the me I disguised
I couldn’t face the world alone

Life didn’t start until the day we met
The world hasn’t spun the same since then
Deep in love our lives have been set
Eternity will be spent together

I see the love that’s shining in your eyes
Our names are written all over the stars
I took off the disguise and kissed your lips
I’ve fallen deep in love with you
And we’ll face the world together

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

jeffwillett
Member

since 2003-01-04

Posts 86
Texas, US

1 posted 2003-01-10 11:08 PM

very good, except for a few akward word inversions in order to make rhymes work...nothing to take away from the overall feel of the poem though...i like it

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

2 posted 2003-01-11 09:45 PM

Cody~
I know exactly how you feel, isn't love a wonderful thing?? I'm sure you'll get over your writers block and as for this one, the ryhme sceme could be worked on a little bit but the poem in itself was very beautiful! I can feel the emotions that you have entertwined into the poem, good job!

Live and laugh and make sure to always have Bella Amor (beautiful love)
~Bella~

Star T
Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 182
Philadelphia, US

3 posted 2003-01-11 10:44 PM

u know what i liked most about the poem?in the beginning u said "i never saw our names in the stars" then at the end u said "our names are written all over the stars" i think u thot that real well and it also further shows how much ur life's changed since u fell in love.love really is a beutiful thing. something we all shouldnt live without.

**Only the wise can dance to the melody of life**

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2003-01-15 02:06 AM

Cody~
Yet another beautiful write from your pen.
Your heart is showing...and I like it.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.