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Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2003-01-09 08:56 AM

Freedom's Slaves

Blind eyes fail to see the problem,
Deaf ears fail to hear the cries,
New slaves are chained with silence,
Old freedoms again are passed aside.

Young laughs are held and stifled,
Shed tears are caught and stored,
The gags of old oppression,
Are tied again once more.

This is an old one I just re-discovered, I've done a little editting work but nothing too major, hopefully it's not that obvious. I actually can't remember what I was writing about when i wrote this, it was that long ago so really I am quite interested to what other people think of this, as maybe it will spark something that will help me remember what I was thinking when I wrote this.

Oh btw, the title is just a working title atm, I'm not sure if I will want to call it this further down the line but at the moment I think it's much better than "untitled"

Andrew

Cats playing bagpipes and bugles

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

1 posted 2003-01-09 01:43 PM

Dude---I've always liked your work, and you have yet to fail my appetite!

"Blind eyes fail to see the problem,
Deaf ears fail to hear the cries,"

Y'know, those're some pretty decent lines right there. I don't know---to some it might seem simple and obvious, but nobody's really taken credit to 'that kinda thing'. Y'know?

"New slaves are chained with silence,
Old freedoms again are passed aside."

Again, that same ring of---poetic simplicity...and yet, with the lines prior and after all of this, creates it's own complexity.

"Young laughs are held and stifled,
Shed tears are caught and stored,
The gags of old oppression,
Are tied again once more."

Hmmmm...y'know---I REALLY want to know what you're writing about here too! :P Naw, I've got my own interrperetations. (But I's keep quiet) But...I like this, I hope you don't get offended when I say, "This is neat!" I enjoyed this! Hehehe

~ 17

rimmie
Junior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 45
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

2 posted 2003-01-09 05:06 PM

WOW man all I can say that I am struck with amazement! This poem is magnificent!!!

Keep up the good job!

~RuZ~

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

3 posted 2003-01-10 12:40 PM

Damn, zu, that was beautiful. That was actually one of the most beautiful I've read in a while... I could sense almost nil problem's with the poem. It seemed to apply to any repression, any oppression, submission of any time. It was a universal slap in the face. Splendidly done, mate.

~Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2003-01-10 12:42 PM

By the way, I actually like that wip title a great deal, because it's lovely, first of all, and secondly, it seems to encompass the feeling of the poem. Mocking the slaves supposed freedom.

~Titus

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

5 posted 2003-01-10 01:59 PM

That poem was amazing! All I can say is...WOW! Good WORK! By the way...I also like the title!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

6 posted 2003-01-11 06:41 PM

*grins* I must say I like (I read it before but didn't reply... blame Carolans). Flow, meter, and spelling are just perfect. On second thought, I like it a lot

I'm sticking it in my library. Now, I really must stop procrastinating....

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

7 posted 2003-01-11 09:23 PM

That was a very beautiful poem, imaginative. I loved it! It was just wow. I myself think the title is perfect for it.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

8 posted 2003-01-12 12:16 PM

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...[the sound of Cherish thinking]

You shouldnt have put a title to it, cuz it just distracted me from thinking anything else about the poem. I kept thinking it was about slaves...heh...perhaps you were writing about SLAVES!? (

)

No, the only other thing that this poem made me think about was being stifled by parents (BIG points to anyone who CANT figure out why *i* would think of something like that

). I get told not to laugh and stuff like that, while my folks turn blind eyes and deaf ears to this poor wittle slave of theirs. HA! Arent I a Cinders?

OK, nuff about me and my rambling, I liked your language use in this- you're so english you make me blush! Once again Andypickles, nice poemola. (I've gone a bit nutters, I know....)

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

9 posted 2003-01-15 02:34 AM

Andrew~
Wow! I can't say that I know what you had in mind
when you wrote this, but I CAN say that I like it...a LOT!
You've done an excellent job with the meter and rhyme,
and the whole thing flows beautifully.
VERY nicely done, Andrew.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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