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Open Poetry #22
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I left you
| Open Poetry #22 |
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I left you |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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The Christmas lights were white and blue on the day that I left you. The bed was whitened shadow slate, that day I knew we were too late. The window blared out frosted light the day I left, so snowy bright. Asleep and breathing soft blue thing. I tied my shoes and felt no sting. Walking down the stairs alone, the light grew warm upon the stone. A silent bell upon the tree made no simple song for me. The boxes wrapped upon the floor. The wreath swung softly on the door. Wrapped myself within my coat, turned away with nothing wrote. The smell of woodsmoke down the street made me want to feel complete. Scraped the snow and ice away so the glass could guide my way. Breathing heat within the car, watched it smoke up from afar. The gate stayed closed as I drove out, I braced and backed -- you gave no shout. Slowly sliding to the road, the crunch of snow a nonsense code. Heater on, I drove away as the sky prepared for day. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Amazing couplets. |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Great imagery - enjoyed. Chris Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away. |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
bsquirrel - I can relate to this sadness. Best to you... BC |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, all. As patterns seem to form |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I did not get to finish my first comment. I was quite struck by the imagery...the way the scene unfolded... very good, BSQ! |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Mr.Squirrel... This is breathtaking imagery... a beautiful piece.  ~ hugs from my underground burrow Lyra |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Yanno Mikey...this is one tanfastic write! The more I read it over..the more I see and feel. You are amazing! ~Hugs~ ~ Time has cast a spell on you |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Mike like an old film that stops at each shot, you jolt us into the awareness of leaving, and the sadness of looking back one more time. well done! |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (smiles) Oh Michael, I love the feel of your wonderful words, this is excellent, the mono-rhyme stanza form is so very creative! (big hugggssssss) This is powerful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Michael, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
gives a 180degree new meaning to the saying: giving the cold shoulder smelling the woodsmoke here mikeymage brian I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I felt I was watching an old black and white movie for some reason Mike, and I loved every second of the flick. Great couplets. The most valuable thing you own is a smile, wear it, and share it. |
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Anvrill Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710in the interzone now |
Baby, y've gotta tell me where this came from, okay? I now have Apart caught in my head, and I don't know if it's gonna displace anytime soon... Talk to me, poet-squirrel, k? i'll be waiting for you |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
The Christmas lights were white and blue on the day that I left you. The bed was whitened shadow slate, that day I knew we were too late. This took me back somewhere I'd rather have not gone but gotta tell ya Mike, damn good write. I mean that. A new favorite from you. Trying to push memories from my head... |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
A very fine write Mike. The couplets contain such vivid images and you really grab the reader with the ending. Well done Mike. *s* somebody tell me, please help me.... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I too have woodsmoke memories. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
The bed was whitened shadow slate, that day I knew we were too late. =============================== yeah...amazing couplets indeed. you rock...i just love to read. mothyme |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Glad you all enjoyed this write. I'm not even sure what inspired it myself. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
this is really beautilful, gonna pass it through again |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thank you, passing shadows, for your kindness. Mike |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
You wrote so vividly, I felt that I was sharing this experience with you. Very sad and moving---this was written more simply than your usual style, but the rhyming couplets were very effective. ~ smiles across the miles ~ Linda |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Linda, I lied in an earlier response when I said I didn't know where this came from. I was imagining leaving my first girlfriend, rather than she leaving me. "It was long ago and it was far away" Mike |
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