Iambe in Salina (for Cpat Hair)

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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-09-26 02:47 PM

Now I had been on the 70 for hours,
you understand.
And Utah was broken rock
the color of sunsets.
The few exits were for gas,
and those 80 miles apiece.

A train had kept pace,
until it disappeared on my right.
And the radio was all about
ways to get out.
The sun smelled of dust
and cigarettes burning grey.
I pulled off at the 50,
found myself in Salina.

Stopped by a tanker,
parked in yellow haze.
Went in for a burger,
playing the part of a stranger.
A woman took my order.
Her nametag said Iambe.

Now I wish I could tell you
about how we hit it off,
or how she took my keys,
or how she smoked by glowing windows.
But none of these things happened.
She just plunked my meal down
with the proper amount of service,
unremarked.

It was only in Colorado,
when relating this to a friend,
that I realized my mistake.
He left for Oklahoma.
I gave him the receipt,
though her pencil marks had faded
and it is probably traveling home
with the plugs in his pocket.

(This one was for you, Ron)

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (09-26-2002 03:24 PM).]

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2002-09-26 02:51 PM

Wonderful Mikey!!
I love the lambe stories...
and I know Ron will enjoy this one
and the fact that you have picked up on it as well.
~Hugs~

~ Time has cast a spell on you
So you won't ever forget me ~

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

2 posted 2002-09-26 04:05 PM

Thank you, Nancy.
I just wanted to offer something back
for all the joy and understanding
his words have brought me.

Irie
Senior Member

since 1999-12-01

Posts 1493
Washington State

3 posted 2002-09-26 04:12 PM

bsquirril,

I really enjoyed reading this piece, you've done quite well.

How ever, the last two lines threw me.....
Am I having a blonde moment or is there something I missed
or am not aware of?

Intrigued.

~Sheri

"Don't wait for your ship to come in ...
Swim out to it"

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

4 posted 2002-09-26 04:22 PM

(smiles) Oh Michael, this is wonderful, you shine with the spirit of on's words here and I know he will love this as I do, this is excellent, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Michael, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

5 posted 2002-09-27 11:58 AM

Sheri,
Originally I had that he went back with coins in his pockets, but then I realized that might make him sound like a drifter. So he has sparkplugs instead. Maybe Iambe's?

Thanks, Noah.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

6 posted 2002-09-28 09:45 AM

Iambe, written in squirrelish, tastes just as good.

Seems we were both taken with this woman of the ages.

Thanks to you, and thanks to Ron.

~Ed

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

7 posted 2002-09-28 12:29 PM

I look forward to reading your try, wranx.
I'm sure it'll be great.

Thanks for reading mine.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

8 posted 2002-09-30 08:13 AM

Seems to me you captured her spell quite well... it is never about taking the lead in arelationship when you think she would, but instead about her taking it when unexpected or only in brief interludes that show the reader she is filled with the same emotions she just does not express them inthe same ways. Independence, strength, and sometimes a bit of cruelty when dealing with others.

She leaves you scratching your head and searching your heart...sometimes a state later...

Truly enjoyed my friend...you captured the way she leaves you...

hope to see more... always interesting to see others take on her, and how others might put an edge back into her psyche...I fear I have let her grow a bit soft...

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

9 posted 2002-09-30 02:05 PM

Thanks, Ron.
Nah, yours aren't soft.
Besides,
my take
was nonexistent.

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