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Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

0 posted 2002-09-21 03:02 AM

Working it Out
By Larry Chadwick

I’m searching for the balance,
Between what was and will not be.
Not wishing to do any disservice,
To those who are still here with me.

Respect for what I have,
And a memory for what I’ve lost.
Balancing the difference,
Without paying too big a cost.

It’s hard to satisfy the living,
When it comes to recalling those who’ve died.
Like being torn between two lovers,
Cause for many of those tears I’ve cried.

Not meaning any harm,
Or morbid disrespect.
Just needing to remember,
For fear I might forget.

Caught in a scale that will not balance,
As the pain is on my side.
New ways of viewing life,
New thoughts I haven’t tried.

I’ll find a way to solve this,
I am determined to prevail.
Grief I will not flee,
Sorrow is now my travail.

September 20, 2002

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

1 posted 2002-09-21 03:05 AM

reminds me of the police song "King of Pain". You show great courage to confront your sorrows in this poem.. I'm confident that you will carry through well

I have sent you nothing but angels, and I have placed nothing but miracles before you.

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

2 posted 2002-09-21 08:38 AM

Oh Larry, my heart goes out to you. I can see the pain and agony in this poem. You will never forget. They will always be with you right inside your heart. Wish I could reach you, I would give you a big warm hug.
This is a very touching and beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing. I am sending big hugs your way. I hope it helps.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

3 posted 2002-09-21 09:41 AM

Larry, let 'time' work it out..
You need 'time' to grieve and 'time' to remember.
And in 'time' it will all balance out.
~Big hugs poet sir~

~ Time has cast a spell on you
So you won't ever forget me ~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

4 posted 2002-09-21 09:49 AM

Larry C,
Very good write, and I can only quote that famous quote "It aint over till is over: Yogi Barra. Have a good day.

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

5 posted 2002-09-21 10:29 AM

"Not meaning any harm,
Or morbid disrespect.
Just needing to remember,
For fear I might forget."

Oh Larry ... you got a few tears flowing on this end. You've had such a difficult year. Sometimes, remembrances may not be timely for others around you ... but when they help "you" to heal ... they are needed in your heart.

Best wishes and big hugs for this tender write,

/Kit

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

6 posted 2002-09-21 11:27 AM

Not meaning any harm,
Or morbid disrespect.
Just needing to remember,
For fear I might forget.

As Nancy said, time will help find a balance. My thoughts are with you, Larry.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

7 posted 2002-09-21 12:00 PM

Larry

~
"Caught in a scale that will not balance"

This so aptly describes how one feels when they are torn between two worlds,
two ways of being and of two minds.

I know of the pain of losing a child (my sister lost her daughter and her son)and how incredibly difficult it is to balance our lives to encompass our love and devotion to those left behind. The grief can be so consuming and overwhelming, that at times, there is a tendency to neglect those we love who are still in our lives. But with your determination, you will "prevail" and the scales of life and death will balance and you will experience the peace of mind you so deeply desire.

May the passing of time
bring you peace of mind
~

Linda

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

8 posted 2002-09-21 01:10 PM

Larry, writing the way that you do will help. Time is a great healer even when sometimes we think we may never heal....your heart is strong my dear friend. We shall hold you close....

If I have touched one heart through my words, then I have acheived my dream...

texasrose
Member

since 2001-10-24

Posts 146

9 posted 2002-09-21 01:11 PM

Time heals so very much. May time heal you soon and the pain turn into sweet memories. Hugs to you poet sir.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

10 posted 2002-09-21 08:15 PM

(tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Larry, we all understand you have had such a tough year and our hearts go out to you! (big hugggssssss) Time will always ease the hurt and know though the grief may always be there that your dad and daughter will always love you so very much and they are cheering on for you with love to go on and they will be guiding you with every step you make! We are all here too to support you, now go and follow your heart as always with hope! God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Larry, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

11 posted 2002-09-21 08:31 PM

It must be extremely difficult to balance these extreme emotions and needs. It's OK to hold onto the memories of those who have died even when holding onto those who still live. Only you can find your balance point, and that will take some time; just remember we are always here for you, to help you in any way we can.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

12 posted 2002-09-21 09:53 PM

Larry - I wish you the best. I only know you on PIP, but you seem to be a great person. Peace walk with you my friend...

BC

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

13 posted 2002-09-21 10:02 PM

enjoy

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

14 posted 2002-09-21 10:02 PM

Write it out, Larry... Just put all of your thoughts, you pain and your sadness on paper and then type it onto your screen...
It makes an unbelievable difference...
Although, it won't take away the pain... nor should it, it will help you to deal with it a bit better...
I've been where you are now, and I know that writing it out, helped even more than crying, after a certain point.
You have given much too big a burden to bear, but you bear it gracefully... and I admire you.

~ loving hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

15 posted 2002-09-21 10:17 PM

Dearest Larry, take a deep breath and try to let go and let God. Bless you, Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

16 posted 2002-09-21 10:24 PM

Time can be a wonderful friend or a hard enemy, I have found from both hands...the clock never stops, though we wish it too....I know your heart ache....I will keep you close in prayers and thoughts that time will heal you, all in faithful hands....

HUGSSS YOU

Lauren~

I need some distraction
...oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

17 posted 2002-09-22 12:15 PM

it is so hard to find that place...but yes, you will, and there will be something wonderful waiting there for you.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

18 posted 2002-09-22 12:55 PM

Okay, I started this so I guess I better finish it. It's hard to hear things that deal with pain that perhaps you could have avoided. However, life and love must prevail. Hiding doesn't work and sometimes...reality bites.

ES,
Ask Kacy. I am at a complete loss to relate to musical references!

Oh well. But the title conveys a lot to me. Thanks so much for your encouragement.

Sue,
Such a kind friend. I don't truly worry of forgetting. But in the remembering...

I never expected that I would find this challenge after watching close friends in a similar spot. It'll work out. Thanks.

Nancy Lee,
Time, except for the mirror, it is our friend.

And thank you for your thoughtfulness.

Sy,
Now that is an awesome source of wisdom. And the bonus of a smile always accompanies the thought! Thanks friend.

Kit,
Wow...as always, you nailed it again. Bless you. You convey so much in your sharing. Thanks for being my friend.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

19 posted 2002-09-22 01:09 AM

Duncan,
It is nice to know that you care. And time, I'm sure, will help. Thanks.

Linda,
I'm so sorry for your experience with loss. But your thoughts offer so much comfort. Thank you for your caring words.

Donna,
Odd the complexities of grief! But I won't let it get the best of me.

Thanks so much.

tr,
Nice to meet you. And I know you are right. Strange how much patience can be gained through so many of life's experiences. Thank you.

The ever caring Noah,
You do have a way about you friend. I'll wait this one out for sure. And thank you.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

20 posted 2002-09-22 01:22 AM

Kacy,
Okay...I'm now writing this for the third time. And the first version was the best! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

It seems that my error was one of ommision. Either neglect or exclusion from the immediate experience. My perception was simply one of dealing with the responsiblities and activities at hand. But with such large blinders on...

Thank you always for your honesty and directness. I will persevere.

To the romantic guitar man and consumate nature lover(Bill),
Such a gentle man you are. Your words of great encouragement to me. Thank you so much.

vandana,
I know that your responses are always simple and the epitomy of brief!

But your consistency and persistence convey so much. You have proven to be such a quiet and reliable friend and for that I truly thank you.

Lyra,

Well, I try to never use paper and pencil. I hate writing it twice. LOL But you are so write about the invaluable process of writing one's thoughts. If only I could write prose. Anyway, I am a determined man and I will get through this. Your first hand experience and understanding have been a huge inspiration to me. Thank you. Peace and courage to you dear friend.

Chris,
*smiles* Well said.

Lauren,
Bless you for always being there! Always.

ps,
Wow, you know exactly what to say! Thanks for that.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

[This message has been edited by Larry C (09-22-2002 01:33 AM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

21 posted 2002-09-22 08:07 AM

quote:
It’s hard to satisfy the living,
When it comes to recalling those who’ve died.
Like being torn between two lovers,
Cause for many of those tears I’ve cried.

How well I relate to this. For several years, I kept the thoughts of my grief of my loved ones, and their loss, in the background. Now that I have my outlet of writing, I'm told by someone close that I am "obsessive", and actually, I don't look at it that way at all.

But, to each their own. Larry, I am glad that you did not wait years to go through the process. I'm also glad that you are doing it among friends. You will never realize how much, nor how many, you have helped.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

22 posted 2002-09-22 10:01 AM

Larry

You have said some things in this remarkable poem that I have felt for so long...just never could write it down.

I don't want to forget, even if memory brings pain...so birthdays and deathdays are like trips back in time...it brings the flood of tears back, but also the realization that love never dies. My best to you Larry...and a hug.

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

23 posted 2002-09-22 10:30 AM

Larry,  I don't need to elaborate....seems
that everyone has the feel of where you are
in life right now....  I do understand
your priorities...and your feelings...just
trying to balance between them....You are
doing very well at it,  I must add....I
doubt that I could have done better....in fact,
probably much worse...

Hang in there big guy....

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

24 posted 2002-09-22 06:07 PM

Larry, it just takes time. I read that one of the components of grief is an ultra-sensitivity to the feelings of those around you. Everything will balance out in time. And you won't forget. You'll just be able to smile at the memories and cry a little less. (((HUGS)))

Suetang
Member Ascendant

since 2001-03-07

Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

25 posted 2002-09-22 06:37 PM

Hello Larry

I know from my own experience that the pain and grief never really leaves and I feel it is always lurking in the shadows, just waiting for a day when I'm feeling down. My writing has helped me to cope so much better and my fond memories are ever present. I wish for you much happiness as you hold tightly to your treasured memories.

Take care......Sue

I am in motion
I am blue
Love is an ocean
I'm anchored in you
- Shawn Mullins

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

26 posted 2002-09-23 12:19 PM

Karilea,
If ever I had a friend who humbles me more, I can't remember when. You have such grace and dignity. But reading your work exemplifies your own words. I only know my experience and feelings. That I will share. Bless you.

Martie,
Oh the price of life and love. Death. I gladly will pay for no other reason than the privilege of loving and knowing those I have lost. Thank you so much for all you have shared.

Barry,
It takes very little to tip such a sensitive scale...and I will absolutely hang in there. Thank you for your ecouragement.

Denise,
I hate text books!

Time does indeed work wonders. Thank you so much for caring.

Sue,
To my friend who emulates such wonderful poise in the face of grief and loss. Thank you. Always. *hugs*

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

[This message has been edited by Larry C (09-23-2002 12:22 AM).]

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