Creative writing assignment (need some help with iambic pentameter please)

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Open Poetry #22

Creative writing assignment (need some help with iambic pentameter please)

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2002-09-15 09:13 PM

If anyone here is really good with scansion can you please double check this for me, its a mystery to me lol, thanks
kev

Beyond the depths inside my troubled mind,
in places that I long forgot had been
I see a button stuck; it says rewind.
I play my thoughts; reflect on all my ends.
At times I wish my life came with a pause
So I could stay in happiness at peace
But in this, play, I must through calm and cause
Despite my best attempts to make time cease
Though clocked in ev’ry day I come to face
I’ll try my best to keep up with the pace

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go
All I need is just to hear a song I know

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

1 posted 2002-09-15 09:19 PM

This is perfect iambic pentameter, and besides that, it's a good poem!

Nan(Pilgrim variety)

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

2 posted 2002-09-15 09:23 PM

Hey hey, i'm clueless when it comes to scanning poetry, so I'm of no help. But I like this poems and it sounds fine to me.

Check out my poetry here:

http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

3 posted 2002-09-15 09:31 PM

Thanks nan, music to my ears

master, nice to see you back in the blue, goin to read yours right now

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

4 posted 2002-09-15 10:53 PM

This sounds perfect to me.

Cold hands means a warm heart

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

5 posted 2002-09-15 11:15 PM

Kev....the iamb sounds pretty good to me...
Pure scansion might find a couple where
it might seem that two stressed words were
together....a couple were marginal to me..
(basically I wasn't sure about the stresses
in a couple of words...)  (that which creates
the duh-Dum,  so to speak)    Overall,  I
think it is perfectly OK and will work just
fine.....You appear to have put a lot of
thought into the meter and the Iamb...
It shows....

(Des/pite my/best a/ttempts to/make time/cease.
I sort of feel time/cease is two stressed words..
that is the marginal one to me...the others seem
just fine...  Some one else can confirm or
shoot my thought down on this...which is perfectly
fine too.....

Good luck..
Nice Job...and thanx for asking us...

[This message has been edited by Magnus (09-15-2002 11:19 PM).]

~ViXeN~
Member

since 2000-01-09

Posts 93
Guelph, Ont. Canada

6 posted 2002-09-15 11:50 PM

LOL
Youd think with all the writing classes ive taken, and having written iambic pentameter several times that I could help you with this, but i really cant... lol
It sounds very good though Kev. No worries

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