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should sand flow
| Open Poetry #21 |
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should sand flow |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Not in my nature to hold that not wishing to be held should sand flow following ordained fate yet if it asks I will slow its course a bit |
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| © Copyright 2002 Duncan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
hmm, are we perhaps speaking of hourglass sand? if you've found a way to slow it, you'll make millions!  Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (smiles) Yes, the sand does flow I believe and through time many of your wildest dreams and hopes will ebb softly upon the shores of your heart! (sigh) This is lovely, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Duncan, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
A very interesting thought here, Duncan... Sand can be sped up or slowed down by adding water...or in the hour glass by turning it upside down... A lot of meanings to sift through this sand; lots to think about.  ~ late night hugs from a chipmunkLyra |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Beautiful words to ponder here, Duncan. Take care.....Sue I am in motion |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Yes it should flow, but as it does within the tides, it may return, for it flows in all directions. I like the depth in this, though I felt the ache. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
now this is more like it - honest. i know it sounds weird that such a short piece may be deeper, but it is - not to mention that this could be read several different ways, with each of them provoking more thought (could you grip the earth in your hand and tighten it to prevent earthquakes? )peace D C |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Hey C--- Glad ya liked this one better...lol. Funny thing is, that other one was one of the most 'honest' things I've ever written. Must admit...I obsessed a bit over your response. (It was a slow newsday...lol). And I will agree that it reads as if it lacked sincerity. To me, it felt 'forced'. Not the emotion but the words trying to relate them. Thanks for the honest critique. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
maybe i just wasn't clear on what i mean by honest... honesty in poetry isn't about truth (my op, of course). honesty is presentation; all too often we write what we think others might want to hear, or what we percieve they might want to hear. of course we have all, our own styles and manner of doing this... but i think from the depths of my black and cluttered soul that there is often, if not always, a part of us, no matter how small, which says, "This is a cool line/poem, i think people will like/appreciate/swoon/etc. over it." honesty is going away from that, and saying what's really there in our hearts, our heads, no matter what we think others might see in/of it. granted, you may do just that, and it comes out sounding "dishonest." still though, i believe that one can feel when someone says "to hell with social conventions and what people will think of this, i'm going to write it the way I see it." that's what you did with this one (by my impression) and didn't with the other. it was honest, as you say, but only in word... not heart. still, you haven't written anything "bad" that i've seen yet, so it can't be a complete loss. Peace, C [This message has been edited by Christopher (08-15-2002 03:38 AM).] |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Cool, you’re going to slow the sands of time huh?? Damn, now you’re gonna think yer god!!! Lol  You can never win or lose If you don't Run the race Psychedelic Furs - Love My Way [This message has been edited by Tracey (08-15-2002 07:40 AM).] |
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