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Open Poetry #21
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the plasticene's protest
| Open Poetry #21 |
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the plasticene's protest |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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(I had no desire to become the plasticene) This illustration of your mind-- conjugating verbs defined as power-- sentence in surcease. I did not ask for posies--dying-- spread upon a velvet cloth or shiny pennies copper sloth assuaging guilt's indulgences. Do NOT-- light that flame for me Don't you dare fall to your knees-- keep the flowers on the stem, gather incense for your bed in hopes that then you might dream sweet... and even then? Don't dream of me. Don't you know I envy you? even as you weep chagrin... I long for freedom's chains of flesh. I crave--the hedonistic sin. |
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| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
This is wonderful, Serenity. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (sigh) Oh Karen, I can understand these kind of feelings so well, sweet friend, where when two search for seperate happiness how there may awlays be that envy and wish you had that something they already found! (sigh) This is powerful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
Yes...you do blaze thought through a readers mind and make them voice to themselves those perfectly placed questions..Even if I have no answers..you always make me think. Sincerely, Reg |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
serenity You write with such honesty! Many would sweep the best thoughts under the quiet rug...and shhhh. You are so strong in yourself...I can hear you even when you're not talking. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Serene One...Martie said it best... |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Must agree with the rest here sis... you are gorgeous in this!!! *will update you soon*...thinking 'bout you always, but packing for the relocate takes some MAJOR brainpower!!! grins... love to you Karen... (D exists with a curtsey to the bride) Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I left out the following line--the last line--shame on me, my head was tired from controversy and too much "yah-yah" lingering... but? tell me what ya think? Should this stay or go? "Don't you know I envy you? even as you weep chagrin... I long for freedom's chains of flesh. I crave--the hedonistic sin--- the reason I created "you." |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Everything good here, but the last line did me in. : Sandra |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
mirror mirror on the wall from this whisper we will see it all yo married lady you sure look good in this dress |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
Speaking of procrastination. I should have posted to this when I first read it. It's YOU!! And I mean that as a first rate compliment. You are one of a kind. There are a million messages, |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Do NOT-- light that flame for me Don't you dare fall to your knees-- keep the flowers on the stem, gather incense for your bed in hopes that then you might dream sweet... and even then? Don't dream of me. Don't you know I envy you? even as you weep chagrin... I long for freedom's chains of flesh. I crave--the hedonistic sin. ================================ the moth ears like the chagrin/sin rhyme to end it...and the understated impact of it... the finality of it..if that makes sense to anyone but me. but then moth sense is nonsense   mothyme |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
wondering just how many people looked up the word "plasticene". . . and telling you that you should add the last line. . . gives it even more of a punch. . . -------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
serenity, To me you have written an epopee. Word for word, line for line, every stanza is just fine. |
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WhileIWasGone Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486 |
serenity....This is great! Enjoyed very much.... DeaDiAmore |
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S Arthur Grey Senior Member
since 2001-03-19
Posts 719woven by a poet's loom |
Impressive. I can hardly imagine writing like this. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Oh YES!! Please put the final line in.. I know what it is about your writing I appreciate so much... it's the gut honesty with which you write anything... Excellent! ~Hugs~ |
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Goodknight Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386Ohio, USA |
put in the final line - this is so awesome - you write feelings in ways that take over ones heart - loved this - Paul |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thanks to all for commenting on a potentially controversial subject--and that last line? I think it sort of wraps things up, too neatly. I think I like to leave the reasoning implied. I did get an e mail wanting to know what inspired this, and? it was a simple case of writer's block--and one of the things I do, is just look around the room and choose an object, and try to tell a story about it. After reading several poems here in the forum, I was inspired to write from the point of view of the object. (In this case, it was a plastic religious statue) This is just what came out. and Sven? I wish I had looked up the word--I might have spelled it right! heh. sigh. (plasticine) and yes, that choice of word was a deliberate play on another word--"nazarene"... and I thank you all again, and sum it up with this disclaimer: "The contents of this poem does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author." So if I offended anyone? Truly, this one surprised me as well. Hugs all. to forum! |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
I loved it so much, Karen...that I gave my only begotten eyes...to read it at least 4 times... And I did look up the word "plasticence" and it did make the poem much more powerful for me... and btw....according to Webster, it can be spelled either way.  ~ hugs from a chipmunk who can readLyra |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Lyra's m'girl. |
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