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Open Poetry #21
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Wrapped in gold (my first attempt at a pantoum)
| Open Poetry #21 |
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Wrapped in gold (my first attempt at a pantoum) |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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Wrapped in gold wrapped in gold, these words I tend like flowers for the light of sun they were given by a friend to spread like seeds to help someone like flowers for the light of sun without thorns and without wilt to spread like seeds to help someone I remove them from gray silt without thorns and without wilt they are grace of light in hand I remove them from gray silt to plant them far across this land they are grace of light in hand these flowers forming in the sun to plant them far across this land they will help me help someone these flowers forming in the sun foaming color for the soil they will help me help someone are they worth this time of toil? foaming color for the soil match the cloudshapes of the sky are they worth this time of toil? nightly uncurl, opened eyes match the cloudshapes of the sky they were given by a friend nightly uncurl, opened eyes wrapped in gold, these words I tend |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Where's my bow-wrapping instructions when I need them... Don't I know what this feels like though? Solid gold, through and through!  |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 BRAVO!!! Wow, this truly is a keeper, I LOVE IT!!! I have never trid an extended pantoum before, I have only been able to write four stanza versions but I am willing to give it a try, this is pure gold, we all love you so much, I LOVE IT!!!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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WhileIWasGone Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486 |
bsquirrel BEAUTIFUL!!! Great work as always... DeaDiAmore |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
nice job with this one Mikey. . . these are a little hard to get used to (I know that they were for me) but, you seem to have it down pretty well. . . ----------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I'm glad you all enjoyed this pantoum. I think the only reason it came out smoothly is because I have done villanelles in the past, and those are MUCH harder to get right. |
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Anvrill Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710in the interzone now |
The reason I stick to freestyle is I can't do form poetry. Heck, I can't do form anything. (It really ticked off my teachers when they asked me for a standardized essay.  ) I have honestly tried. I just end up feeling restricted and strangled and blah. My brain's a feisty li'l grrl and she needs to run free. Great job, Mikhail. You never fail to amaze me. Is this what you wanted me to be? |
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Samantha G Kennedy Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 131Kent England |
WOW! this is wonderful, it is my favourite form, I adore it, and you have shown how wonderful the challenge the pantoum truly is... it is not easy to repeat lines so they all meld together, but you have totally got it spot on!! you inspire me to post some of mine I adore this, bravo bravo bravo to you sir Sammie ^i^ |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Mikey, this is extremely well done!! Enjoyed so much! ~Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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BloomingRose Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092Florida |
Marvelous work. I'm impressed! Deb |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Squirrel dude, N-S, E-W, It was a pleasure to read this piece. I sense continued growth in this. I probably would be REAL impressed if I knew a pontoon from a pentdragon. ~wranx The shortest distance between two points... |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Beautiful, and a compliated form, to me. Good job. Sandra |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
high fives guy!! m-pressive, you got it dialed |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, everyone! I still maintain that after doing one successful villanelle in my life (Autumn sand), a pantoum/pontoon/pentdragon is almost as easy as breathing. Can't wait to see yours, SGK. |
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