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Open Poetry #21
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erasure pointed personally
| Open Poetry #21 |
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erasure pointed personally |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298
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Feeling a tad overloaded I took out my eraser and took off a bit of yesterday which made me feel lopsided so I smudged off just a smidgen of today, to even things out. Pleased with the results I started in on yesteryear I have more memories I want to lose than keep so fear of being unable to find the past played no part in my erasing reactions. With a clean slate, and feeling rather perky I started in on me, erasing everything I didn’t want to see-the pain that hides behind darkened eyes and the worry lines that frown defines. I erased a bit of glum but missed and got my thumb went after the doubt that lingers and instead took off a couple of fingers; but I got nearly all of that dumb desire my arms have to lift skyward. And I was sure to remove that needful thing I call worry. I erased my indecision and its unavoidable finality. And though I tried and tried I could never completely erase the hole you left in my heart. I erased all of the times when I betrayed myself. I am no longer pulled from side to side, I erased them too. I drive an empty road, I erased the cars. I am alone; I want not for company, I erased my need. But I must admit I that my removal neglected one thing, I am drawn to write-and my page is blank- what shall I write of now that I have erased me? [This message has been edited by jellybeans (06-14-2002 05:49 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 jellybeans - All Rights Reserved | |||
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I've read this through several times now... first to enjoy the poem as a whole, then to appreciate your internal rhyme... and again because it's got a jazzy beat that gives it edge. *S* You dang sure didn't erase your talent during that erase-a-thon! LOL I like this very much, lady... we pull one thread thinking we'll rid ourselves of a flaw, and suddenly, we're standing naked as everything unravels. (yup, I'm mixing metaphors... might as well since *I* can't write them LOL) Excellent writing!!! |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
yes. . . I like this. . . I like the flow and the drive of it. . . the images here are well presented. . . and it ends with a question that gets asked a lot. . . excellent. . .  ------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Love the metaphorical play on words here....I appreciated the reflections. I wonder if that eraser will work on my big fat belly.....could you send it to me? I really enjoyed this! |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
suthern, you lady...must like me *smile* and that makes me lucky, course sometimes people might wonder about you and your invisible friend ....love you lady sven, thank you....have been seeking a definition for the blankness I feel, but am not doing it justice I don't think ethome...thank you....and nope I don't think it works like that, I tried it on my ...ahem...over abundant hips and it refused to work........rats...coulda made a million on that idea rofg..... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I had a wonderful reply but it got erased!  Oh, well....can I just say I love it?  |
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