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Open Poetry #20
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From the Soddy during the Lonesome Time
| Open Poetry #20 |
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From the Soddy during the Lonesome Time |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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From the Soddy during the Lonesome Time Sit with me, dear heart, do watch the seasons come full view the prairies' wind calls to scene the visions of this nightly dream Mists would fly about your face in dreams stretch for your embrace but dreams are fickle as we know and lost you were in campfire's glow Around me danced the heart of you as on and on the seasons flew I held you close then saw you far as someone held mists’ door ajar For you are love, the stick that burns gray mists are but pages, softly turned it is when the hand falls to the face that dreams wrap gentle our embrace ~*~ ©Karilea Rilling Jungel 29 May 2002 [This message has been edited by Sunshine (05-29-2002 09:13 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (smiles) Awwwwwww, I love the gentle and comforting feel of this, sweet friend, it felt just like resting on the plains camping out in the open and looking up at the clouds in the slight breeze! (sigh) This is lovely, sweet friend, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karilea, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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icequeen Senior Member
since 2001-12-09
Posts 633FL USA |
What a wonderfully enchanting read. I was just entranced by this! The imagery is fantastic. More please! ...and her crown was formed by the ice in her eyes |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Around me danced the heart of you as on and on the seasons flew I held you close then saw you far as someone held mists’ door ajar For you are love, the stick that burns and gray mists are pages, softly turned it is when the hand falls to the face that dreams wrap gentle our embrace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ah Karilea!! Now you just know I love this! I didn't even want to try to choose my favourite lines or stanzas, but I would think it would come down to these two.... Love this...and into my library this keeper goes. ~Hugs~ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Around me danced the heart of you as on and on the seasons flew I held you close then saw you far as someone held mists' door ajar For you are love, the stick that burns gray mists are but pages, softly turned it is when the hand falls to the face that dreams wrap gentle our embrace ================================= you were expecting me right? the moth is late and slow these days... but the only way to keep a keeper is to check the treasure box  |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
This is absolutely enchanting Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Another delightful write by Sunshine! Remember this old classic.... Sunshine came softly through my window today I could have tripped out easy but I've changed my ways. It'll take time I know it, but in a while... You're gonna be mine and I know it, we'll do it in style. Cause I've made my mind up you're going to be mine I'll tell you right now... Any trick in the book, oh baby, that I can find. Everybody's hustling just to have a little scene. When I say we'll be cool, well, I think that, you know what I mean. We stood on a beach at sunset, do you remember when... I know a beach where baby, it never ends. When you've made your mind up forever to be mine. I'll pick up your hand and slowly, blow your little mind. Cause I've made my mind up you're going to be mine I'll tell you right now... Any trick in the book, oh baby, that I can find Superman or Green Lantern ain't got, nothin' on me. I can make like a turtle and dive for pearls in the sea You can just sit there thinkin', on your velvet throne About all the rainbows you can have for your own. When you've made your mind up forever to be mine. I'll tell you right now... I'll pick up your hand and slowly, blow your little mind. When you've made your mind up forever to be mine. I'll pick up your hand and slowly, blow your little mind. I'll tell you right now... Do you remember the "Green Lantern" I don't? I think all these guys were big time smokers.....but this is a cute one! Your pen name reminded me of this song so off I go on a tangent! He he have a nice day! |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I knew from the title I was going to like this one... and I do. *S* Well done, Sunshiney one. *S* |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
sunshine you let the page wear the book one image at a time enjoyed your view here |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Ooh... you know something, Karilea... I really love these short, well-composed poems of yours. I think most of the poetry from you that I've enjoyed most has been the stuff you've kept cropped down to a healthy one-digit stanza count. Not that it's a chore to read your longer ones, but you always seem to add a charming simplicity to the content of your shorter pieces, with more room for the mind of the reader to expand and absorb the message. Here's how I felt about this piece as a whole.I like the apostrophe to start out the poem. Apostrophe is a nice way to open up any poem, really, if used correctly. You used correctly. Kudos.  More on the first stanza. "Dear heart" instead of "heart" is a good method of indicating the warm, caring tone of the narration, as well as a meter-filler, of course. I also liked the second line... what a nice way to complete an apostrophe, a gently-phrased request that has positive connotations. You really wanted a serene feel, didn't you? Well, you pulled it off. "Nightly dream" suggests continuity and comfort, the narrator in a familiar and well-known situation, and again gives the speaker an apparently enhanced wisdom.The second stanza is my favourite. "dreams are fickle, as we know." That's a very true and relatable line, I like how it was said. Especially "as we know," which levels the addresser and the addressee even more. I like how evenly kept the two parties are in your poem. Altogether in this poem, what I liked best was your excellent establishment of the narrator's role as passive observer. Personifications and verbs that referred to influences of nature (which are too many to name). In fact, the only thing the narrator ever discusses having done is "I held you close then saw you far." Everything else, verb-wise, is done by the environment. You really brought the setting to life in this poem. You and your talent, Sunshine. I don't know how you do it.~Allan All images begin in mirrors and end inside our subconsious. ~Genesis P-Orridge, "Thee Reversal of Fate" [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (05-30-2002 08:33 PM).] |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sissie...bringing this back, just because.  |
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