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Open Poetry #20
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Colors of the Box
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Colors of the Box |
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Greeneyes  
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind 
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Faithfully again I Paint oceans c o b a l t b l u e my soul riding, weaving, bending, to fit the border of the sun only in --shadows you move, watching the moon creep upon cinderblocks with a y e l l o w curse a ring to signify Look at the path- Walls of canvas shedding the mist of night I watch the sky- the mystery Whispers follow in g r a y -- a ballet of smoke and wind dancers -such haunting reminders -- Deepening river planted right to the edge, the edge of everything {pausing to speak out loud} (Did you just tilt your head back and laugh at my anguish naked before me? -- revealing, you lit a cigarette) like the inscription of your tongue saturated, penetrating the walls allegory you shape mercy devoutly chiseled in shadow and light I kneel before wings of grace expressing passion, -unshaped clay- my hands and faith numbed I cannot rework, nor explain the will, no longer mine on the surface of stones what I’d give to stand in a silken stream against your heart once I would rather have one breath of his hair, one kiss of his mouth, one touch of his hand than an eternity without it. [This message has been edited by Greeneyes (05-29-2002 11:04 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Lauren~ - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Lauren, your poetry is music in dance... |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Sunshine~ its been a long two days, your reply does make my face smile, thank you..... hugssss Lauren~ I would rather have one breath of his hair, |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Whispers follow in g r a y -- a ballet of smoke and wind dancers -such haunting reminders -- Deepening river planted right to the edge, the edge of everything {pausing to speak out loud} (Did you just tilt your head back and laugh at my anguish naked before me? -- prevailing, you lit a cigarette) like the inscription of your tongue saturated, penetrating the walls allegory you shape mercy devoutly chiseled in shadow and light I kneel before wings of grace expressing passion, -unshaped clay- my hands and faith numbed I cannot rework, nor explain the will, no longer mine on the surface of stones what I'd give to stand in a silken stream against your heart once ======================= You will just know what I intend when I say this is excruciatingly & exquisitly beautiful. any other words are lost to awe of your words.  I remembering being one and the same ... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Lauren Can I just agree with Janet Marie? Some things are beyond words. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Lauren, A beautiful write full of haunting. |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Hmmm...definitely have to agree with those before me...lovely. jwesley |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Mmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm. What a wonderful write! I hope you get your feet wet  Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
I cannot rework, nor explain the will, no longer mine on the surface of stones what I’d give to stand in a silken stream against your heart once ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Amazing Lauren! You are one incredible writer! Sincerely, Nancy. ~hugs~ |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssss) Awwwwww, I'm so sorry you've had along two days, but now it's all over and I'm so happy to see you posting your gorgeous words like always! (kiss on chyeek) I too would give anything to have love sstream flow in my heart, sweet friend, this poem speaks of desire of life so very well, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lauren, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Lauren darling girl you are a weaver of stars incandescent dreams WOW this is utterly utterly delightful you’ve written an absolutely precious think of poetic ink here. The flow of thought in this is wonderful and the rhythm absolutely divine. I love the image this brings so softly tenderly soft whispered dreams. Write more much much more this is incredible writing. I’m awed by your writing simply awed   Love and warm stuff As always Mushy Breathe through the heat of our desire Thy coolness and they balm Let sense be dumb let flesh retire Speak through the eathquake wind and fire Oh [This message has been edited by Marsha (05-29-2002 03:38 PM).] |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
much to take in and ponder... |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
quote: yes. . . just once. . . there's so much going on here. . . a very good use of the metaphor. . . I've always been one to use as many colors as possible. . . and that's what you've done here. . . used the colors of your words to paint this. . . colors that leap from the page, and take the reader on that trip. . . from here to there. . . well done. . . ----------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Totally beautiful and excellent writing. Sandra |
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NapalmsConstantlyConfused
since 2001-05-15
Posts 529 |
i concur, beautiful and elegant. -Dave |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
wow. loving, longing, passions... pain. this is a slice of poetry indeed. several snapshot images formed around a theme that seems to (intentionally) wander in appearance, though not focus. this has captured me, and reminded me once again why i read everything you write. to pick out a piece would be difficult, but the following personifies you and your style: quote:hugs, peace, and awe - Chris |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
a ballet of smoke and wind dancers -such haunting reminders You write so very romantically, Lauren... ~ many soft hugsLyra |
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icequeen Senior Member
since 2001-12-09
Posts 633FL USA |
This left me just breathless the whole way through.... it is absolutely, outstandingly, passionate and elegant. Geez... if poetry got oscars, this would win one! ...and her crown was formed by the ice in her eyes |
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esclandre Member
since 2001-06-11
Posts 62Northern California |
the way you spaced out the colors made me feel like breathing them slowly. great poem! esclandre Je le Rêve, je Pleure |
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
I loved your work here. The imagery is fantastic |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Lauren, again your words whipser and again.....I am in awe of their beauty. You are a gem my friend.... Like a red brick, |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Lauren Those introductory verses are full of such exquisite word pictures and they set this mood and scene so well.... "(Did you just tilt your head back and laugh at my anguish naked before me? -- revealing, you lit a cigarette) like the inscription of your tongue saturated, penetrating the walls allegory you shape mercy devoutly chiseled in shadow and light I kneel before wings of grace expressing passion, -unshaped clay- my hands and faith numbed I cannot rework, nor explain the will, no longer mine on the surface of stones what I’d give to stand in a silken stream against your heart once Superb writing! "in a silken stream against your heart" At least that strong if nothing else! Those colors of the box are inspired by melancholy soul writing! The role of poetry is to utter the un-utterable; to open up |
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