Open Poetry #20 |
smoking light shadow (no rhymes here, C!) |
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I sit in still darkness smoking light shadow into the room in fear my silence will draw him near to ask me "what is wrong?" I sit in still darkness smoking light shadow just the way my daddy did his silence compelled a spy in me-- a child in wonder: "what is wrong?" I sit in still darkness smoking light shadow visions in the curls, uncurling hauntings from the past. Voices in my head that nag: "what is wrong?" |
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© Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Sat in that room a few times. I'm a great lover of silence...never quite get it when someone thinks it means something's wrong. Loved this one, K. (Rhyming's for the weak minded...just kidding!!) |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Karen, It wouldn't work if it rhymed! This is good. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
see - proof that rhyme is evil. this is a shining example of free verse. yay - hugs midi-k |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
WOW!!! sweet seren this is incredible, a most fantastic write and one that was very much enjoyed..thanks for sharing ~HUGS~ Tracie Love is the life of the soul... |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Nothing's wrong with your writing I'll tell you that much! "I sit in still darkness smoking light shadow" Don't know why but I can picture relate to that....Good work Celeste.....you know I can't pass without calling you that. I'm afraid our little politically incorrect friend might come back to haunt us if I don't...that wouldn't be anything to contemplate in the "smoking light shadow"!! |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
serene...I like it fits the image of you and the mood |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Great imagery, Serene one... I saw a play in words that I am sure are only light shadows created by smoke... |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Down with rhyme! Down with rhyme! Heh...(Hypocrite that I am, having just responded to Sy's 'What's to say' which everyone should read...) Hey girl - you're good yanno? K |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
No rhyme divine from me twin of ryhme sublime?????? *covering my eyes* no I wont look...you cant make me!! * running from thread looking for vials of rhyme water* (lol) "I sit in still darkness smoking light shadow visions in the curls, uncurling hauntings from the past." I remembering being one and the same ... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
serenity To me you are one of my delights. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
nice |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Okay...I am seeing here, how there can be meter and pattern even in free verse... Thanks all for the encouragement while I stretch me wings a bit! (still studying, types the drudge) love you all! to FORUM |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
quote:but of course - it isn't all chaos |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Like this...James |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
As far as I can see absolutely nothing is wrong. What you've written is just fine ... right ... wonderful Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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