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Open Poetry #20
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Oceanus
Junior Member
since 2002-01-18
Posts 10
The Pacific

0 posted 2002-05-16 03:40 PM


When I first lost sight
of you,
your autumn hat was high
riding proud upon your head
as you went strolling by.

But then the world grew cold
and dim
and scarcely sight nor sound
chanced to light upon my stone
so lonely on the ground.

Your presence- gone for many years
the moss has etched away
the crispness from my parting words
the dampness from the day.

And lying here, I watched the clouds
their countenance- the same.
As well the same for you, my friend.
Our only link of name.


[This message has been edited by Oceanus (05-16-2002 07:19 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Oceanus - All Rights Reserved
Lady In White
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799
USA
1 posted 2002-05-16 03:48 PM



Welcome home.

A good read...you had my mind
wondering the direction,
but the path I took was probably
my own...

Thank you for the direction...

Tiersdin
Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364
east coast
2 posted 2002-05-16 04:16 PM


I believe you've managed to reach this reader with your words...

lovely!

~tier

"I shall never bond again, as I have bonded with you..."

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
3 posted 2002-05-16 04:20 PM


I like this. . . there is indeed a direction here. . . down a road that all have been of, but that few have seen. . .

well done. . .and welcome. . .

----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Tracey
Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding
4 posted 2002-05-16 08:24 PM


You’ve conveyed the feeling of the memories very well. Reminded me of similar ones of my own.

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

Magnus
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Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
5 posted 2002-05-16 08:39 PM


Beautifully written....a reflection of many.
So easily we forget the stone,  even as the
memories remain...

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

6 posted 2002-05-16 08:41 PM


I like the idea of countenance clouds and (autumn hats).

She said burn ... together.
-TON

elfin_tigress
Member
since 2002-05-15
Posts 101
Someplace
7 posted 2002-05-17 10:42 PM


Oceanus, this is very beautiful.  Your style is very unique, shifting syllables in ways I don't feel comfortable doing yet, and flowing at exactly the right pace.  It's almost free-form, but not quite.  I like it a lot!  
If I had criticisms for this poem, I would tell you.  But I have none.  It certainly inspired me in my latest writing!  Thanks!

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
8 posted 2002-05-17 11:27 PM




(big hugggsssssss) Oh Oceanus, this is sooooo powerfully bittersweet, sweet friend, always harness those memories and engrave them in stone just as I know you will find many more that will again bring joy to your heart soon enough! (sigh) This is powerful, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
9 posted 2002-05-18 05:26 AM


Flows like a river...James
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