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Open Poetry #20
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Christopher
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since 1999-08-02
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Purgatorial Incarceration

0 posted 2002-05-13 03:29 PM


Breathe
©2002 G.C. Ward


dream.
linear – string of silence
hanging a dark collage of
forgotten memories.

breathe.
talking – to myself I play
a smile over tomorrow,
knowing today still exists.

shelter.
cannot end this mourning
of my night. for as we dream,
we fall… we die.


© Copyright 2002 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved
Tiersdin
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since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364
east coast
1 posted 2002-05-13 03:33 PM


Breathing... enjoying...

~Tier

"I shall never bond again, as I have bonded with you..."

rosepetals25
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PA
2 posted 2002-05-13 03:37 PM


Christopher,

     I enjoyed.  I like the first stanza the best, just to let you know Great work

Hugs,
Tara

"My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read"
     - Motley Crue, Home Sweet Home

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2002-05-13 03:42 PM


What a day for poetry...smiling...

this sounds like a good bit of advice!

bsquirrel
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4 posted 2002-05-13 04:05 PM


Like this a lot.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Christopher
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Purgatorial Incarceration
5 posted 2002-05-13 05:13 PM


thanks y'all. really thought, the blame should fall evenly on Glenn Danzig, Drew Barrymore, and Kamla.

hugs

C

Severn
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since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

6 posted 2002-05-13 06:59 PM


But...but...gasp...where are all the adjectives?

~Fire rains down from the sky, the earth trembles...oh ye GODS, help us! We poor mortals!~

giggling..

Ok, who's Glenn Danzig - was he in a movie with Drew??? Got my curiousity up...

This is cool hon...this really is. Dreams are like forgotten memories - or pieces of our forgotten selves...

'we fall… we die.' Although I'm taking this out of context this put me in mind of something: I've had falling dreams where I reach the ground and don't die...I land with a gentle jolt, which is apparently unusual. Gee - guess that makes me speshul...lollol..

I love that last verse...mourning of my night...my my, again you're doing the multiple meaning thing...I can see three possible interpretations in that...there's also an interesting shift in stanza structure, which I like.

In fact, the three stanza's are like mini-poems...snapshots. Another thing I like..and have done myself in poetry. Last year - quite a few of them. It's interesting how you start by speaking of linearity..and then the three 'snapshots' etch out a linear progression themselves...

You know, minus the adjectives (heh) it manages to be haunting..effective. I think this is actually a very clever piece of work...hmmm...how long did it take you??

You done good Sir..you done good...

huggles

K


[This message has been edited by Severn (05-13-2002 07:14 PM).]

Michael
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California
7 posted 2002-05-13 11:25 PM


Said it before... I'll say it again, we can't die yet, Chris, we haven't suffered enough.


wheeze


Oh, btw, did I leave my inhaler at your house?


gasp
Michael


..............

wayoutwalt
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since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
8 posted 2002-05-13 11:27 PM


prettty cool yuh
Duncan
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since 2001-08-07
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9 posted 2002-05-14 12:11 PM


shelter.
cannot end this mourning
of my night. for as we dream,
we fall… we die.

Does this come with C notes?  It's great, reading it from where I read but I wonder if that's the same as where you wrote.  Not many poems make me wonder that.  Very cool.
  

Jamie
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since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
10 posted 2002-05-14 08:34 AM


But...but...gasp...where are all the adjectives?

~Fire rains down from the sky, the earth trembles...oh ye GODS, help us! We poor mortals!~
Ok, what does Glenn Danzig have in common with Drew? Were they in a movie together? Sing together? Got my curiousity up...

This is cool sir...this really is. Dreams are like forgotten memories - or pieces of our forgotten selves...

..

I love that last verse...mourning of my night...my my, again you're doing the multiple meaning thing...I can see three possible interpretations in that...there's also an interesting shift in stanza structure, which I like.

In fact, the three stanza's are like mini-poems...snapshots. Another thing I like..and have done myself in poetry. Last year - quite a few of them. It's interesting how you start by speaking of linearity..and then the three 'snapshots' etch out a linear progression themselves...

You know, minus the adjectives (heh) it manages to be haunting..effective. I think this is actually a very clever piece of work...hmmm...how long did it take you??

You done good Sir..you done good...


has this been said before? seems familiar somehow...heh


any resemblence to replies already posted is purely intentional and.....etc...

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

Greeneyes
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In Your Poetic Mind
11 posted 2002-05-14 08:44 AM


Christopher~

A little of a darker tone, a little touch more of sadness then in others, but written with your style....hugsss


Lauren~


I would rather have one breath of his hair,
one kiss of his mouth,
one touch of his hand
than an eternity without it.

[This message has been edited by Greeneyes (05-14-2002 04:26 PM).]

Christopher
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Purgatorial Incarceration
12 posted 2002-05-15 02:10 AM


ROFL

K - Glenn Danzig is the original lead singer of the punk/metal group The Misfits. He later went on to run a very successful (if somewhat underground) solo career. I think his one "pop" hit was the song Mother I've been listening to a couple of his albums a lot lately (not Thrall, blech) and the soft, evil tunes inspired part of this. You, K, becuse of the linearity of dreams (yes, i did follow that through intentionally, thankyouverymuch) and Drew Barrymore from the movie Ever After where she's standing there in her costume and says "Just Breathe." a striking scene i think, and the other part of this. (as a side note of little or no interest, Glenn Danzig DID play a part in the movie The Prophecy II - he had about thirteen seconds where he tries to jump the good guy and gets toasted. lol)

ok - we fall, we die. we do, we do - it is in part relation to that falling/not waking up, but also in the manner that when dreaming, we also have to deal with a lot of emotional issues (at least *I* do) and are hurt through them (also healed/purged, but that wasn't the focus here now was it???) *smile*

mourning of my night was my fave part too, and the basis of inspiration for this as a whole (not counting Linda who wrote scathing things to me about adjectives!!! )

and it took me like... five minutes? anger is a wonderful muse! (just kidding Linda, i wasn't really mad)

Mike - Uhm.. no, i didn't turn it into a water pipe. *shuffling feet* well, guess i need to suffer some more... guess i'll go read some of mike's poetry. peace m'friend.

Walt - Danke

J - See above. and -1 *grin*

Lauren - You'll have to pardon me. i laughed when i read that. used to be that everything was overtly dark. now... i generally keep it subvertly dark - kinda like coating dark chocolate with white chocolate. thank you lady

Chris

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