Dreams of a Goddess - serenity's dream challenge

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Ron

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Member Rara Avis

since 1999-05-19

Posts 8669
Michigan, US

0 posted 2002-05-13 12:03 PM

There is a secret I would share
of Heaven's hand on history,
about someone beyond compare,
a goddess masked in mystery.

She burst her pedestal apart,
bare feet upon warm Earth again,
as she-god with immortal heart
stepped down to roam this world of men.

Her eyes and hair like polished wood,
with skin as of the highest cloud.
Her innocence, misunderstood,
concealed her pasts within a shroud.

She took a name, so many names,
to hide immortal silhouette -
as Eve and Helen of Greek fame,
as Cleopatra and Annette.

Her visage shines throughout all time,
as lasting as the universe,
a hill too steep to ever climb,
her beauty both our boon and curse.

Lives were given, and lives were lost,
and many more forever changed.
No one could count the final cost
of countless empires rearranged.

I met this goddess years ago,
in her latest incarnation.
She stole my heart, took half my soul,
and taught me of new temptations.

Four summers passed in goddess arms,
four winters spent in her embrace,
four years enshrined by lover's charms,
until she left without a trace.

She took my name, and so much more,
with other names we can't forget:
Eve, Helen of Hellenic lore,
Cleopatra and - my Annette.

My past is now just memory,
of perfect days I bade farewell,
of a goddess who once loved me
when stepped she from her pedestal.

Yet not a night has passed since then
or so I guess it always seems,
but what my goddess comes again
to share her kisses in my dreams.

Her phantom lips touch mine each night,
my hands reach for an empty space,
and when I wake, tears blur my sight
of love once found and not replaced.

No one I've met before or since
can move her shadow from my bed.
No one I've met can yet convince
my heart - that part of it is dead.

I loved a goddess, she loved me,
there's little more that I can tell.
I'm in love with just a memory
- high atop her new pedestal.

RosePetal

Member Elite

since 2001-08-26

Posts 2985
South Florida

1 posted 2002-05-13 12:06 PM

Challenge beautifully met Ron!

I did the challenge too but yours is way better!

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

2 posted 2002-05-13 12:07 PM

Ron~

Very lovely indeed.....

I know serenity will be just thrilled....

Lauren~

I would rather have one breath of his hair,
one kiss of his mouth,
one touch of his hand
than an eternity without it.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

3 posted 2002-05-13 12:08 PM

I am speechless. Such a Goddess exists in this earthly realm? This poem is incredibly beautiful.

NapalmsConstantlyConfused

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 529

4 posted 2002-05-13 12:11 PM

and THIS is why we think so highly of you, Ron.
-Dave

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

5 posted 2002-05-13 12:12 PM

My past is now just memory,
of perfect days I bade farewell,
of a goddess who once loved me
when stepped she from her pedestal.

Talk about a natural high. There's gonna be no living with her now! Ahhh...a goddess' persuasion.

[This message has been edited by Duncan (05-13-2002 12:13 AM).]

Martie

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Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

6 posted 2002-05-13 12:21 PM

A story, a heart, a poem, a man..all beautiful!

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

7 posted 2002-05-13 01:19 AM

How sad. Once you start believing that something is that perfect it will never be replaced, and there is so much lost in the time wasted comparing. What a lesson in poetry this was Ron, and when you said one time that rhyme came natural to you as speaking, you weren't kidding, as this was flawless. Very much enjoyed, and I think you met Serenity's challenge very well.

We should spend less time worrying about when our life is going to end and more on when it's going to start!

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

8 posted 2002-05-13 02:07 AM

amazing what begging and groveling can get a man to do......nicely done, Ron

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

9 posted 2002-05-13 02:25 AM

Very nicely done here.

Very thought-out, I'd say it is a challenge well met

I don't read much from you, it is a welcome change

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

10 posted 2002-05-13 02:30 AM

First? Ha!

THANK YOU!!!!!

And? I just KNEW...smiling acthoo....this is beautiful...and of course! A God would dream of a Goddess! *smacking my head at my own stupiditiy* ow...oh man, I'm beside myself...Anybody ever tell you, YOU CAN WRITE???? OH. YEAH. Of course they did. sigh...heart*thump*heart*thump

and now...listen to your applause!!!

Thank you Ron, you are a wonderful sport, and a fantastic poet...heh heh, welcome to your own forum!

D.Lester Young
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1219
Austin, Tx

11 posted 2002-05-13 04:42 AM

An excellent piece of work from from beginning to end.

Kit McCallum

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Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

12 posted 2002-05-13 06:47 AM

What a beautifully flowing piece Ron. Flawless in rhyme and meter, with sentiments that reach into the depth of love and loss, to draw out the deepest of emotions. Few are given the opportunity to love with such intensity ... but you have captured this emotion with equal strength through your words. An excellent write ... so wonderful to read you. Challenge exeptionally well met.

Best wishes and hugs,
/Kit

Nan

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Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

13 posted 2002-05-13 07:18 AM

To see you write makes me smile with all of my heart. This is a wonderful piece, my ever dearest friend.

You've spoken from your own innermost poetic heart - a very, very special place. Would that we could always communicate poetically..

YOU are very special indeed...

Sunshine

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Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

14 posted 2002-05-13 07:37 AM

It's not often we get to read your works, and treasured are the times we see them...how wonderful for you to take time out just to share this part of you with us...

thank you for the Keeper...

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

15 posted 2002-05-13 08:15 AM

BRAVO!!! Oh Ron, this is absolutely wonderful, sweet friend, this is sad but is filled with such a love that is strong and can never die deep in the heart of him! (big hugggssssss) We have all missed your wonderful words so much, sweet friend, I hope you post more often for you are a delight to us all, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

tracie66
Member Elite

since 2000-01-18

Posts 4713
Australia

16 posted 2002-05-13 08:22 AM

Dear Ron~
This is so breathtakingly beautiful, I was captivated by the words and the imagery they produced, amazingly sad yet beautiful poem...thanks for sharing
~HUGS~
Tracie

Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

17 posted 2002-05-13 08:45 AM

Ron, Tis not often we have the pleasure of reading your work. But, you sure make it worth waiting for. This is pure magic!
~Thank you, and hugs poet sir!~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

18 posted 2002-05-13 08:51 AM

You write em good Ron...James

Poet deVine

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Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

19 posted 2002-05-13 09:18 AM

As all have said, this work is exceptional. But I see into it and see your pain. Perhaps it's time to find your Goddess and stand side by side on pedestals that are not so high?

I'm so glad you let serenity 'tease' you into posting. We miss you around here - you're the reason most of us are here you know.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

20 posted 2002-05-13 09:29 AM

She burst her pedestal apart,
bare feet upon warm Earth again,
as she-god with immortal heart
stepped down to roam this world of men.

Her eyes and hair like polished wood,
with skin as of the highest cloud.
Her innocence, misunderstood,
concealed her pasts within a shroud.
====================================

Add my name to the list of those above who thank Karen for this chance to get to read your work...and to learn from it as well.
This is a cadenced kissed treat to read aloud and the perfect answer to her challenge.
waaay cool

jm

When your own emptiness is all thats getting through
There comes a point when youre not sure why youre still talking...
I passed that point long ago

Victoria

Member Ascendant

since 2000-08-12

Posts 5869

21 posted 2002-05-13 10:36 AM

I enjoyed reading your work Ron...lovely words indeed...hope to read more from you

~Victoria

"If music be the food of love, play on." (William Shakespeare)

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

22 posted 2002-05-13 12:40 PM

Ron, it has been far too long since I have read your work. You are truly a master at bringing a poem to life.

You bring back many memories of how your poetry inspired me in so many ways when we first met with this work.

Michael

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

23 posted 2002-05-13 12:42 PM

Thanks for coming down from Olympus to share this with us.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Ron

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Member Rara Avis

since 1999-05-19

Posts 8669
Michigan, US

24 posted 2002-05-13 01:31 PM

On May 8, 1975, after a month of flirting with romance, I invited Annette to accompany me to the annual Tulip Festival in Holland, Michigan. It was a short drive, but we ended up staying three days. We were married eighteen months later and moved to San Diego together in 1978. I haven't seen or talked to Annette since 1984, and in California it was easy to let this month pass without notice. Since returning to Michigan, though, May inevitably brings local announcements of how the Holland tulips are faring and my memories are just as inevitably stirred. This year, the timing of Karen's challenge caused it to also be stirred into the same nostalgic blend.

Thanks, my friends, for all the kind words. Lacking the talent of some of our more prolific writers, I usually spend longer than one day on a poem and this one probably deserves more of my effort. Someday, I'll try to finish it.

Possibly next May?

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

25 posted 2002-05-13 03:13 PM

when dreams go unfinished, lives are just a little bit emptier. . .

you don't mind if I hang on to this one do you?? it's a great study for my problems with meter. . . thanks. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

26 posted 2002-05-13 06:30 PM

Tulips that grow
Two lips that go
Instead of asking other lips to stay.
Flowers will die
Like you and I...
Who came up with "the merry month of May"?

You were together 6 years? That's a successful marriage in my book!

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

27 posted 2002-05-13 06:36 PM

This is beautiful, Ron. Looks to me like you met Serenitys challenge very well. You are a wonderful poet.

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

28 posted 2002-05-13 06:39 PM

Keth

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

29 posted 2002-05-13 11:01 PM

"Yet not a night has passed since then
or so I guess it always seems,
but what my goddess comes again
to share her kisses in my dreams.

Her phantom lips touch mine each night,
my hands reach for an empty space,
and when I wake, tears blur my sight
of love once found and not replaced"

Ron, such good writing here. I have to say, I'm very impressed.

Nicely done and can't wait to see some more of your work.

Michael

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

30 posted 2002-05-14 09:07 AM

Simply amazing and what we all are striving to accomplish here on these pages you have created...perfection!! You write far too little my poet friend, far too little of these works here on the blue pages to enjoy and learn from

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

31 posted 2002-05-14 09:11 AM

a pleasure to read your art Ron
enjoyed it much

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

32 posted 2002-05-14 11:05 AM

Ron,
Better late than never, well done. Enjoyed

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

33 posted 2002-05-14 03:42 PM

Lacks talent? Sheeesh....Ron, you need to
read your poem again.... This is certainly
one that I shall never forget as a true work
of art...

Thank you for sharing it with us....

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

34 posted 2002-05-15 10:37 AM

Ron, if you lack talent, the rest of us should toss our pens into the nearest gutter. *S*

This is beautiful... for a time, at least, you had something worth remembering... that's more than many ever attain. *S*

Christopher

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Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

35 posted 2002-05-15 01:31 PM

ron - do you ever write free verse?

i would like to see something in this vein freed like that. i really liked the feel of this poem.

Justbleu
Member Elite

since 1999-08-31

Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)

36 posted 2002-05-15 01:46 PM

Very beautiful Ron....I'm glad Serenity begged you!!!! This is wonderful!!!!! And yet brings a tear to my eye....

Bridgette

"Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown

[This message has been edited by Justbleu (05-15-2002 01:46 PM).]

Ron

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Member Rara Avis

since 1999-05-19

Posts 8669
Michigan, US

37 posted 2002-05-15 02:07 PM

Sven, this is a rather poor example of meter. As I said in this thread, I think there are good reasons to break cadence at specific times, but this poem has several such breaks that serve no creative purpose.

My past is now just memory,
of perfect days I bade farewell,
of a goddess who once loved me
when stepped she from her pedestal.

Hear the break in cadence? Feel how the tongue sort of gets stuck around the words I bolded? The broken meter doesn't draw attention where I want it, doesn't provide a "rest" for the ear, but rather is just sloppy. There are a few places like this one, places that should eventually be fixed.

Balladeer, I also considered it a successful marriage. Very successful. It was the divorce that was an abysmal failure.

Thanks to all else who enjoyed this one.

Chris, I guess my answer depends on your definition of free verse. I write a LOT of what most would call free verse, but usually with more structure than true free verse. I agree, though, that this poem, because it lacks a single focus, would probably be better handled with a little less structure.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

38 posted 2003-07-04 09:24 PM

Sometimes breaks serve more creative purpose than we realize.

I understand this one so much better now.

Thanks again, Ron.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

39 posted 2004-01-21 05:04 PM

quote:
Thanks, my friends, for all the kind words. Lacking the talent of some of our more prolific writers, I usually spend longer than one day on a poem and this one probably deserves more of my effort. Someday, I'll try to finish it.

Possibly next May?

Sharpen your pencil, m'friend. May is coming again.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

40 posted 2004-12-01 09:12 AM

Remember this one Karen?

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

41 posted 2004-12-01 05:38 PM

Sure I do.

But I just KNOW he's got a new one. I wanna read the new one...

whining

*pout*<--not that I think that'll work, but it's just another weapon in my persuasion arcenal.

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

42 posted 2007-06-18 01:58 PM

a such a lovely dream made each sleep all the worth.

enjoyed

TomMark
Member Elite

since 2007-07-27

Posts 2133
LA,CA

43 posted 2007-12-05 12:02 PM

It is enough for a life to love completely once.
Tom

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