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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #20 |
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Siren song |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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We met upon the shore. The sand as white as her hands, suffering demands. The sadness in her eyes. The way she wore her windy hair -- the sun would reflect the sky. She said fall into me. Let my shadow cover yours. We won't have to feel undone in the tide. Just cover me. Let the ocean take you home. And take me with you in your drowning arms. She took my mouth away and placed it in the ancient hold of her ocean floor. I tasted the sea. I fell into her darkness then and never re-emerged to crash on home. She said please die with me. Let me hold you as you go. I don't know what to do without your breath. Please follow me. I need your emptiness fulfilled. I burn to have the will to love. We met upon the shore. Oh, we met against the rising tide. To defeat the reason of our swell. She sang please shelter me. Keep your hands upon the storm and deflect rain into the seawall. Please comfort me. I don't know how to stay warm. I need your open arms to take me down. And we drowned. The dark fell in waves all around. And we drowned. We spun out dark among the clouds. They loved our sunset. They loved our colors then. She said burn ... together. -TON [This message has been edited by bsquirrel (05-12-2002 05:47 PM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ok, ok...just get better and better why don'tcha.... |
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Macha Junior Member
since 2002-05-12
Posts 14 |
"I tasted the sea." This line is an excellent inclusion in your poem. It brings the feeling of drowning closer to home, the "taste" and consistency of seawater filling a victim's mouth. This poem has a calm sound to me, despite the description of what can be a traumatic and violent death. You named this well, and brought to light the darker shades that run beneath the siren's song. |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Bsquirrel darling boy this is sooooooooo incredible The depth of this is utterly amazing, I’m awe-struck by this wonderful piece. You know I love this don’t you. I can taste the sea in this, I can smell the ozone in the air, even hear an echo of the siren’s song. Utterly utterly perfect poetry, you never cease to amaze me with your skill As always Mushy    To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Ah was in a bit of a gothic mood when I penned this drowned dream. Glad you all didn't mind gettin' wet with me. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
We met upon the shore. The sand as white as her hands, suffering demands. The sadness in her eyes. The way she wore her windy hair -- the sun would reflect the sky. She said fall into me. Let my shadow cover yours. We won't have to feel undone in the tide. Just cover me. Let the ocean take you home. And take me with you in your drowning arms. She took my mouth away and placed it in the ancient hold of her ocean floor. ===================================== you are too cool for school..where does this kind of inspire come from?!!? the uniqueness of your imagery, analogy and phrasing is what always makes an impression...and of course the way you wrap the emotions around the reader. another very cool write Mike...must be nice to have such a productive muse  |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Beautifully creative, Mr.Squirrel I don't know what to do without your breath. Please follow me. I need your emptiness fulfilled. I guess this proves that rodents can be really good poets!  ~scampering hugs from a chipmunkLyra |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Loved the last two lines and how you were swept away by the sea! Your poetry is such a pleasure Encino man~ |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Janet, yesterday it came from listening to too much goth music. Nah, that's only partly it. The music put me in a place where I started thinking about siren songs, about those tragic female figures that lured sailors to their deaths. I wondered what words someone could say that would draw someone to drown like that. I think I found 'em. Chipmunk, yay, rodent poets! Lori, glad y' enjoyed. She said burn ... together. -TON [This message has been edited by bsquirrel (05-13-2002 12:38 PM).] |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
wow, now this is a 'saver'......incredible write.....am glad you directed me to it |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks for reading it, jellybeans.Mike |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I"m wet too |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
*splash splash* |
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