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Open Poetry #20
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Never Mine to Give
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Never Mine to Give |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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Never Mine to Give ©2002 C. G. Ward sleek, the way she used to sit astride the malibu -I remember- slick, trick, pewter gray. but she was darker, face frozen blank… basking in the plight from another night tripping slipping bouncing off the solidity of a past that never ended. then later – dressed up like a diva, bouncing the walls off her imperceptive stare, dancing, glancing, never chancing that change was in the air. flighty, mighty, she blew the motor while running a race with something far beyond deliverance. such a bad disguise, the rise of humour chromed over the grill of a ’72 chevy; in place of a smile, she’d simply purse her assurance, painting, waiting for a blend of black flack that would go well with her shoes, and lose ten pounds of grief or so to go around a piece of paper -én vogue- that says beauty is only as deep as the desire flirting from the eyes of of this week’s stranger… and I was stranger than most. silent in the darkness, she would pause her flight, light into a cadence of dependence, straining the strife from life if only to kiss my lips with a slip of tenderness. but there, in her arms, god, her arms. she would crush the spirit from me, free to cry, deny the pull of pain, and beg for a release that was never mine to give. [This message has been edited by Christopher (05-10-2002 04:33 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
she blew the motor while running a race with something far beyond deliverance. OH. my. eternity... I'll be back for this one...the last stanza, always the best, as it should be...but? YES. |
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NapalmsConstantlyConfused
since 2001-05-15
Posts 529 |
really good work here, Christopher. -Dave |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Oh yes..one of your best sir. This reads like a poetic 'rebel without a cause'.  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
then later dressed up like a diva, bouncing the walls off her imperceptive stare, dancing, glancing, never chancing that change was in the air. flighty, mighty, she blew the motor while running a race with something far beyond deliverance. =============================== silent in the darkness, she would pause her flight, light into a cadence of dependence, straining the strife from life if only to kiss my lips with a slip of tenderness. but there, in her arms, god, her arms. she would crush the spirit from me, free to cry, deny the pull of pain, and beg for a release that never mine to give. ============================= *smiling at you* (and you know why) Dear Poet sir...this is a really great poem but I was wondering why you restrict your self to a rhyme scheme...havent you heard rhyme is the devils poetry?? ROFL .... Ahem....(see what happends when you read a moth purge and her moody muse casts an "evil" spell on you)....rofl HEY CHRIS?? whats This???? Do my moth eyes and ears deceive me?? Did my mothy tongue play tricks on me as I read this...I could SWEAR I heard the subtle sounds of rhyme sprinkled amongst this clever write of imagery, metaphor, smybolism and personification. HMMMMM??? so much to see here...but yes...Im sure I felt the meter...felt the tingles of cadence...   Well, it had to happen...its something we all must do...ya cant deny this muse.  *leaves thread doing a moth happy dance* BTW ... rhyme or not...one very cool write here.  When your own emptiness is all thats getting through There comes a point when youre not sure why youre still talking... I passed that point long ago [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (05-10-2002 09:42 AM).] |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
and I was stranger than most. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well I won't go there my sweets...lol This really was inspiring C *nice to see a rhyme sprinkle your paper ever so often* Take care ~Tanya Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
but there, in her arms, god, her arms. she would crush the spirit from me, free to cry, deny the pull of pain, and beg for a release that never mine to give. Christopher - this is wonderful. I am putting this in my library so that I might read it again and again. Awesome. Chris Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
flighty, mighty, she blew the motor while running a race with something far beyond deliverance. I related to this on so many levels, I finally just picked the lines that hit me the hardest. And...'never mine to give', well, I'll just say, 'Yep'. |
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Elan Member
since 2002-05-03
Posts 382State of Wide Eye |
perhaps the last line needs a "was"... perhaps not... enjoyed the imagery... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice...James |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Dang! This is incredible! Into my library it goes! ~Wow Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Greeneyes 
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
sleek, the way she used to sit astride the malibu -I remember- slick, trick, pewter gray. but she was darker, face frozen blank… basking in the plight from another night tripping slipping bouncing off the solidity of a past that never ended.'' I love this image....it sets the tone for the poem...NICE Christopher.... Lauren~ I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
Oh gosh, you would have to go and lace this with a classic..and a wonderful thought..she's a keeper but you don't own'er. I like your style poet..and that ride. Sincerely, Reg |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
What's this? Christopher actually rhyming?  And yanno what?! Your pen wears rhyme exceptionally well. I am also very impressed with the level of depth in this, it's a keeper and it's one of your best! Take care, Melissa~ "Poetry is not an opinion expressed... |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Midi-K - You have this knack for picking out my favorite lines. I like that a lot. eternity? do tell. Hugs Dave - Thank you. Sharon - interesting way to look at it. I like that as well... fits in a kind of emotionally detatched way. *grin* Hugs you. Mothy You - As i wrote this last night, i told Karen that i included the rhyme... JUST FOR YOU! *smile* I figured i'd have to throw some out there or you'd end up stalking me or something! Thank you for the sarcasm, it brought a big smile to my face today, and i needed on of those! Tanya - HAHAHA! Too cute. Leave it to you to grab onto something like that. Thanks cutie. Chris - Honored to be included in your library. Thank you for your comments and visit. Duncan - I've a feeling we're like minds on the subject of pain, eh? Thank you sir, for stopping by. Elan - Thank YOU for pointing that out. It is fixed now, and it should have been. James - Thanks Enchantress - Two libraries! That's awesome! Peace. Lauren - Cool! The tone was the focus this time, glad it came out well. Rhyme is evil... but since i am as well *wink* i guess it's ok sometimes. hugs Reg - a classic, and i never could decide whicho was more beautiful... the car, or her. *EG* It was a ride, and one that took a couple of years after the fact to appreciate. nope, never could own'er. Never would have wanted to. big smile here, thank you. Melissa - I know, I know, I know! geesh. LOL Thank you for the compliments. Depth is good, especially when others can relate. Again, thanks all. Peace, Chris |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Techno girl strikes again! Somehow I managed to wipe my entire crit. Sigh. (Word - yeah yeah, blah blah). Rhyme C. What is with this? My whole world has crashed to a sudden halt...(drama)...honestly...I sound like a rhyme nazi, I know. I'm not against rhyme per se (which you know) - but rhyme smattered like this amongst freeverse...it makes me think of a slice of lemon in a glass of milk... the curdling effect. I really respond to this poem you know...it makes me think of a photo album actually - image after image, memory after memory... an example of that effect: such a bad disguise, the rise of humour chromed over the grill of a ’72 chevy; in place of a smile, she’d simply purse her assurance, painting, waiting for a blend of black flack that would go well with her shoes, It's a poem of movement...and through the clutter of images, there is a lot of emotion. That's a good thing, I think. It doesn't give too much away..but leaves room for one's own response to come through - guided, but not prescribed by the author. I think that overall it needs some tightening...especially at the end of it. Read this stanza: silent in the darkness, she would pause her flight, light into a cadence of dependence, straining the strife from life if only to kiss my lips with a slip of tenderness. but there, in her arms, god, her arms. she would crush the spirit from me, free to cry, deny the pull of pain, and beg for a release that was never mine to give. It's so powerful hon...very powerful..can you see the power, I mean, objectively? I think you should tighten it for maximum effect...isolating the key lines like: but there, in her arms, god, her arms. she would crush the spirit from me, and and beg for a release that was never mine to give. Lose some of the chaff around it... Over the years I've seen your talent for description and image grow immensely. Never Mine To Give is a fine example of that process...  K[This message has been edited by Severn (05-12-2002 09:05 AM).] |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Don't ya just love her? I feel I can't say a thing now, will check back later.We should spend less time worrying about when our life is going to end and more on when it's going to start! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Chris Really captured by this and that ending just ....oh, where is the word? It knocked me out! |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Wonderful writing Christopher. She sounds like a strange one but oh so interesting! Like trying to control a dominant spirit....tough beauty in this one! |
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icequeen Senior Member
since 2001-12-09
Posts 633FL USA |
A superior piece of writing that instantly became one I want to keep. I'm not much on critique as I don't have the slightest idea what I'm talking about, you know ~~  but I know that with this poetry, I could fly and dance and cry and laugh and mmm mmm mmm it was good....and her crown was formed by the ice in her eyes |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
K - cope on the rhyme! Thank you lady for the effort, you know it's appreciated. Sharon - I do, i do. Thank you. Martie - That made me laugh... violent poetry!!! ethome - she was wonderful in many ways. oh, you meant the girl... her too thank you for your comments.Ice - thanks for your comments... critiques aren't necessary, just open if you're in the mood. have fun flying! Chris |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
Chris, a pleasure to read this piece. vintage with the chrome buffed |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
WHEW!!!! This one rocks dear friend |
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