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Open Poetry #20
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feeling the loss
| Open Poetry #20 |
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feeling the loss |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Life slows to the counting of days passing of hours attention to detail lessens immersion in the mix of wasteland distracts from the passing of hours more slowly than I’d like finding myself desperately close to feeling the loss of you I walk outside somehow expecting the air to stir but all is nearing stillness every voice inside my head screams to run (JM, I think your muse channeled this one through me. Not sure I like her, she’s kinda bossy.) [This message has been edited by Duncan (05-09-2002 02:02 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Duncan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
oh my. This does seem to be going around. yep...feet of lead here too. sighs across the miles atchoo...oh, and a kiss nite nite too.  I'm bone weary! <--that sounds better than I actually intended!  dream sweet. I'm gonna go to couch... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
finding myself desperately close to feeling the loss of you I walk outside somehow expecting the air to stir but all is nearing stillness every voice inside my head screams to run ============================= I know these feelings all too well D...and the "stirrings" are inside ... till we write the words and let them breathe and scream if they need too...either way...they must be released. as for me moody muse being bossy? she prefers to call it "mothy persuasion" she thinks its part of her charm  hey...at least she didnt MAKE you rhyme  When your own emptiness is all thats getting through |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Duncan darling boy this is wonderful. This is a very special piece from you darling boy, incredible writing full of such aching and loneliness. I love it, It’s wonderful to see you work darling heart absolutely wonderful. I love it utterly utterly love it  Love and warm stuff As always Mushy  To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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Elan Member
since 2002-05-03
Posts 382State of Wide Eye |
JM's muse looks good on you... be kind... she can be moody blues |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (sigh) I too am happy you shared this with us all, sweet friend, these feelings are very natural and I hope now you have gained stillness of heart and hope now fills you everyday! (big hugggssssss) This is striking, sweet friend, we all love you so much! you have such a beautiful heart, sweet Duncan, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
OK, Duncan, I don't want to pour salt on your you-know-what. But JM's muse isn't the problem. CUPID is the proverbial trouble maker....always has been, always will be. But I'll send you a warm sisterly heart hug anyway, because I know you are hurting, and you are my friend. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Duncan, just wanted you to know I'm thinking about ya! ~Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I could feel the sting, and the eventual hope. |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
The fear of pain is sometimes worse than the real deal... There are times when the only answer to the restless heart is to give in to it. Peacefulness to you. ThisDiamond |
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ctowen Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286Green Mountains of VT |
Very stirring ... could hear echoes of Time's footsteps screaming inside my head feeding on such heart's ache. Somewhere ... when the winds of time pick up speed .... you will want to remember this loss, and you will. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Nice writing you got there Duncan...very nice indeed..  K |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Duncan - great write. Peace walk with you... BC |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Life slows to the counting of days passing of hours attention to detail lessens immersion in the mix of wasteland distracts from the passing of hours more slowly than I’d like I know this feeling quite well, Duncan...this is what it feels like to be diagnosed with cancer, although I'm sure that you didn't mean it in this context. Nevertheless, it is a beautiful poem and I hope the feeling goes away soon.  ~lots of hugggsssLyra |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
finding myself desperately close to feeling the loss of you been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, then wore it while working on the car. honestly duncan, this was the strongest portion of the poem... and should probably be last... just a thought. another one i float right along with. Chris [This message has been edited by Christopher (05-11-2002 02:11 AM).] |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
And...I own that T-shirt shop (used shirts that is). This was an awesome bit of writing and I tend to agree with Christopher, that these lines would really have more impact as the last lines. I read it out loud both ways, just my opinion but what do I know, I loved it! We should spend less time worrying about when our life is going to end and more on when it's going to start! |
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