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Open Poetry #20
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Gifts
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Gifts |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida 
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When you’re sitting there, cross-legged and bent over, concentrating on that little notebook a small you-smile, mixed with concentration almost like a child. But not – It’s hard for me to imagine that anyone could crush that, could live with seeing hurt haunt your eyes – knowing they caused it. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. Like we were talking about that one day, remember? “Stop it, you’ll make me cry!” and then laughter the cleansing kind, that sounds like the future and hope. I suppose that it’s the climate, or the environment or maybe the way we were raised… but, I listen to the stories, pared down even as they are and I want to cry sometimes. FOR you…because selfishness is so cruel, and you’ve been exposed to enough cruelty. Standing outside, enjoying the sun and my morning quota of carcinogens, (maybe I won’t get cancer though, because I don’t drink milk either – just a thought) I realize that there’s a part of me that wants to comfort to walk by and smile, and tuck a stray lock behind your ear. To tell you it’s okay that you’re finally free to be you There’s a part of me that wants to show you just how cool you really are. you…not you for the sake of other people…just you I don’t think you noticed, but when you came here you brought spring with you, as if you had accidentally tucked it in your pants and it was hanging out the back when you stepped off the bus. You brought laughter into my house and my god there’s glitter on my porch on my dog and it’s wonderful, it’s like childhood all over again You say sometimes that you haven’t given in a long time, and I find that so alien because you’ve given so much by just being here you’ve given so much to us all and I suppose I could say thanks but that word is so stupid so hard and blunt and inappropriate. I guess there just isn’t anything I can say, But I wanted you to know, so I won’t say anything. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Nicole Williams - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
"..." dammit I don't think I'm ever going to be able to explain the FULL of what you've given. I should have six pages of poetry... or some perfect prosen response... should be able to describe this swelling in me now... the warmth of you and this place; how it feels to giggle, with honesty, at the nasty band aid taste of milk, at the glitter on the dog LOL... It feels I missed my childhood and I'm recuperating here... that every gesture this family has given is a way of saying, "Look, this is how it's suppose to be... this is how you love each other." And I'm here, and... my god, can I be a part? From that I'm still recovering... It’s overwhelming, to be in a place, to be happy, to be content, and to truly belong... sigh. I'm at a loss for words... thank you? but that word is so stoopid... blank and intangible... it doesn't take in the whirling things at the gym, or the smelly store, or the pee stick, or dinners and magic wands... it doesn't say anything about what it's like to listen to you laugh like that, or how beautiful you are when you smile, or that perfect medium of motherhood and your mantras: "she's only four, she's only four...", (the same 409 obsession: chicken juice!), that indefinable aura that makes a person so incredibly welcome in your home, how being here, one can’t help giving, or the list of chats on SID and your encouragement and GENEROSITY throughout this whole process… oh see? And I read the above and it could apply to anyone, couldn’t it? It seems a simple recognition of gratitude for things given, for gestures of friendship and small sacrifice, sigh… and I don’t know how to make it MORE than that, not in words… so I’ll just end this with the knowledge (with the hope) that you know… thank you for opening this environment to me, for the chance to simply encounter such amazing people… for being you and making this my home. |
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LRbaba Junior Member
since 2002-05-07
Posts 30Dallas, Texas, |
this is very touching and evocotive and i'm glad there are people like you in the world LR |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Megan honey, knowing us we could swap 'thank you's' for days...thank you...no, thank you...no, really - thank YOU...no, thank YOU...*giggle* I'm just really very grateful for having this opportunity, for having this chance - and hopefully for letting you know that you're SO appreciated and loved by all of us.  SSH, fellow goddess LR - Thank you very much for such a thoughtful reply. |
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Alicia Member
since 2002-03-22
Posts 279 |
~Just had to sneak in here and whisper how happy this makes me, how filling and warm and wonderful this is,...*Peace girls, peace. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
quote:i understand this - it is hard to imagine. also - the thing about the glitter? yeah - careful with any food... lay out the visquine... a good ten feet in diameter... trust me, this girl can spill food she hasn't even touched yet... i swear!  nic - there are few others i've seen grow over the 2-1/2 years i've been here as much as you. not only your voice, but your presentation as well has shifted over that time. shifted in a VERY good direction. you speak emotions and show humour with an ease that boggles me. like this lady BOL C |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
you know, i'm looking back over this, and I hate my response... yes, it's... sweet, and it IS true, but it reads contrived... it doesn't say anything real to me... you know what? Thank you... for letting me be a fumbling idiot, for trusting me with your daughter, for accepting me when my face is smashed in after sleeping on the couch... for giving me your blessing in corrupting your brother lol, for bringing out the faults and strength and weakness and realness in me... for showing me freedom not by being a role model (though you are), or dictating my behavior, forcing it into something better... but by accepting what I am, as I am, whole and with the freakin' simple recognition that people are flawed… for being a friend to me, in the true, enduring sense of that word… it inspires me to be more, without even my knowledge… I see myself grow, in a way that is so easy and natural… ~grin~ it feels like spring: like new life and new beginnings… I don’t think I could have found a better place to be, you, yourself, and your whole family: Morgan, John, and Dave… each in their own manner, bring out the best in me… and I need you to know that. SHH, fellow goddess, you made me cry again, dammit lol... |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
hi, made a mistake... I want to keep this: ~ It feels I missed my childhood and I'm recuperating here... that every gesture this family has given is a way of saying, "Look, this is how it's suppose to be... this is how you love each other." ~ ...the rest of the stuff, as true as it is, doesn't feel as honest as I need it to be... Which doesn't mean I want to dismiss what was said above, it just wasn't spoken in the right tone, wasn't given... was FORMED... is this making any sense? Okay, I'm shutting up before the replies to this turn into a full scale conversation... Thank YOU ... no, no thank you...  ...*sigh* where the hell are my farts when I need them? p.s. A... hey, you ~smile~ thank you... and that notebook mentioned? All your letters lol... p.p.s. Nic, see what I mean about the difference between writing and speech?... christ, why did god plague me with a tongue when I could have had a notebook hanging from my neck? [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (05-09-2002 07:49 PM).] |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
This is incredibly beautiful and fileld with so much warmth and love. Thanks for sending it my way Maree |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
"But I wanted you to know so I won't say anything." Like this Nicole...James |
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