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- Humpty Dumpty Complex -
| Open Poetry #20 |
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- Humpty Dumpty Complex - |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA 
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I removed the last stanza from my former poem entitled "Three-Legged Table," as I feel it suits this piece better. But, of course, I welcome suggestions, do you think that the last stanza fits well and is more powerful in this poem? Humpty Dumpty Complex No prince has climbed my walls to save disquieted dreams from inevitable ending that pushes me off the shelf. I have fallen to crack in half with no love to glue me back together again. But, I leave myself disjoined so no one will ever break my heart. It's safer that way, lonely sometimes, but safe. I pour the puzzle pieces of me back in the box of no guarantee, close the lid and let Cupid shake a coffin full of scabs and scars. By Melissa P. Monette [This message has been edited by Melissa Honeybee (05-06-2002 12:51 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Melissa P. Long-Monette - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Melissa darling girl this is utterly utterly wonderful. This is another example of how amazing your writing is.. You know I love it don’t you? Fabulous writing darling heart. Your voice is heard, and as always it bears such beauty YOU as I’ve mentioned maybe one or twice are an absolutely fabulous writer. The power of these words are outstanding,. Your use of line, and form is exquisite and I utterly utterly love this. This is sad but excellently written, well done darling girl well done   Love and warm stuff As always Mushy  To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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See me? Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 93UK |
This is a beautiful poem, I know what you are feeling to scared to get close of fear of the pain all over again, great write, take care Clare Life is about change,sometimes its painful,sometimes its beautiful,sometimes its both. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Hi, Melissa! Excellent writing here. I think the last stanza works very well with this poem. Personally I would change the word "puzzle" with "broken" or something similar because the word does not fit in with the eggshell fragility and breakage of the first two stanzas.....but that's a personal opinion only. and, Melissa....? You'll always be a good egg to me  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
No prince has climbed my walls to save disquieted dreams from inevitable ending that pushes me off the shelf. ========================== that verse alone captured the meaning and metaphor of your title and had the impact of "fear of falling"... It occured to me this could have been one of those 20 or less poems where succintity was achieved with the impact fully intact. well done Melis...keep working those metaphors and themes. |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Well done Melissa A very well penned piece ~HUGS~ Tracie Love is the life of the soul... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Melissa, This is a powerful write and I agree with Balladeer. And I do agree if you write a sad poem make it as strong as the others. All of which you have done. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) Oh Melissa, this is so sad but sooooo wonderfully written, you have such a natural talent and I am always so blessed to read your words as they have such deep meaning to us all! (kiss on cheek) God Bless You, sweet friend, I wish for true joy to come to your heart soon, we all love you so much, God Bless You! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Melissa, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Melissa, THIS is SO good! Wonderful write! ~Hugs~ |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
You've captured the fall of a fragile heart well. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I believe that it does fit better here Melissa. . . the language works better with the image you have here. . . well done. . . ------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Chelsea~ Member
since 2001-02-09
Posts 260Ontario, CANADA |
missy, yes, this works very well, I think that this is the simplest poem I've read by you, but, that doesn't make it any less powerful. I really like this  |
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