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Open Poetry #20
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Near dawn
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Near dawn |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
Near dawn I slide my arm from under you, squeeze reluctant life into my fingers, work muscle and sinew to waking strength and lean a breath away so as not to wake you. In this twilight myopia your face indistinct, familiar as the road home, your hands half-curled, arms crossed over your chest; between full night and sunrise I must decide whether to leave you to dream, barely animate, push back into my pillow and own plain scent or steal you from sleep, risk that my breath has turned from ambrosial to jungle-rot, my smile from a perfect list of teeth to stained and square. Or rest, sure time is not fleeting, that you will always wake to find me more beautiful than when you left, comfortable in knowing I need not fear your having traveled. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Raz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
In the first read, I drew a smile in the second, it widened, and in the third read, I'm downright grinning that you know very well this person next to you, and that her dreams only took her back to you, after all.... |
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Nightshade 
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Or rest, sure time is not fleeting, that you will always wake to find me more beautiful than when you left, comfortable in knowing I need not fear your having traveled. Well done. Enjoyed. Chris Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (smiles) Oh Raz, I too got a smile on my face reading this, sweet friend, I too believe the more we travel and learn from our surroundings, the more beautiful we become and accustomed to our wisdom and our won philosophy and then others get that impression that now we can narrate the beauty that lies within better than ever before! (sigh) This is excellent and thoughtful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Raz, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Raz darling boy OH MY this is so amazing, a simply stunning example of your craft, I think it’s beautiful, the flow simply exquisite and the content is utterly utterly fabulous.   Love and warm stuff As always Mushy To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
...Incredible write!!... ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Ivy Rose Senior Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 1300MA, USA |
Raz...How beautifully you phrased your early morning thoughts of someone you loved. Very intricate and skilled writing. ***Ivy Rose |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Raz, you have a gift, and it's so evident in this beauty. Take care, Melissa~ "Poetry is not an opinion expressed... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Raz, You have become one of my favorites. And this poem is a gem. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
exquisite. oh my. I will be reading more of you. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoy |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
I enjoyed your lovely words Raz..nicely penned.. ~Victoria |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
raz, prior to this...i had never read you before. this is just a really wonderful write that had me smiling. from now on i will be reading you much more often. take care. amy "you can't stop |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
Sunshine, Chris, Noah, Mushy, Enchantress, Ivy Rose, Melissa, Seymour, serenity, vandana, Victoria, Amy, I’m glad you all enjoyed. Hope my future posts don’t let you down. -Raz |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Raz Love the tender honesty in this, the doubt and the love washed in late night thought, a poem...enjoyed. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Very melodious..which sometimes works, and sometimes doesn't in freeverse. This does...I like it..  K |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Raz - beautiful write, I'm glad I found this one of yours... BC |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Good stuff. |
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