»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #20
»
Autumn sand (a villanelle)
| Open Poetry #20 |
|
Autumn sand (a villanelle) |
|
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
|
Here's my second old poem (also see Into the Blue and A death in the snow, if so inclined) -Autumn sand- A piece of ice has slipped from the glass into my hand. A ring of wet sits unlifted from the wood. I sip and watch the sky unwinding in slow, dark bands. I play with the cold crystal eye weeping and unmanned. What hole is left in the world by a word like should? A piece of ice has slipped from the glass into my hand. As the sliver melts, I wonder what it understands. If it is a symbol, broken, for what has it stood? I sip and watch the sky unwinding in slow, dark bands. This skim of saltless moisture on my palm was never planned. If I taste it, will I fill with diamonds or blood? A piece of ice has slipped from the glass into my hand. Something passionate and bright as waving fire brands. No. It feels the same as it turns to sand, then mud. I sip and watch the sky unwinding in slow, dark bands. I have a pocketful of silver wedding bands. I found them on the beach buried in the autumn sand. A piece of ice has slipped from my pocket to my hand. I sip and watch the sky falling in ribbons where they land. |
||
| © Copyright 2002 MPC - All Rights Reserved | |||
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Michael, This was an interesting write. Cause for some reflection. Good job. |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Something passionate and bright as waving fire brands. No. It feels the same as it turns to sand, then mud. I sip and watch the sky unwinding in slow, dark bands. I have a pocketful of silver wedding bands. I found them on the beach buried in the autumn sand. A piece of ice has slipped from my pocket to my hand. I sip and watch the sky falling in ribbons where they land. ================================ The imagery in this is poetry in motion...absolutely gorgeous!! The villanelle repetative line requirements added to the impact of both the imagery and the emotions. have I mentioned how cool you write?  by the way...are you still doing any live poetry reads? I just read your other one... "into the blue" and I could almost hear you reading that one in my mind...its that kind of write. |
||
SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
damn.....I wish I could do it like this  |
||
|
Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssss) This is absolutely wonderful, sweet friend, your words always are written in such wonderful form and thoughtful imagery, I LOVE IT!!! (sigh) This is a fabulous villanelle, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Michael, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
||
|
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
BSquirrel~ You worked it start to finish in perfection~ Nicely done ... and wonderful line of thought~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
||
|
ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
A lingering and thought provoking piece. Very talented. ThisDiamond |
||
|
Cerenity Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637Escondido-California |
Hi bsquirrel, This is great, very much enjoyed, Love, Cerenity |
||
|
Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
The villanelle's a deadly hard form. You did it justice (I tend to bore it to death... I may have lost the will to write them after reading Bishop's 'One Art'.) Thanks for the read. -Raz |
||
|
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Glad you all enjoyed. This poem came rather quickly after my first attempt at a villanelle stunk up the place. This form takes guts, I guess, but not as much as a double sestina (which I STILL haven't successfully understood, much less written!) |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
bsquirrel, Your imagery is excellent. The execution of the format is also. The only critique I would make is as to meter, it was difficult for me to find a consistent pattern (but what do I know).This is an interesting read. Doc |
||
|
Elan Member
since 2002-05-03
Posts 382State of Wide Eye |
This is a most interesting villanelle, telling a story, and a lesson as well.. |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Swept up by this..much enjoyed! |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
aw man...now I'm going to have to go look up a villanelle! You surprised me, m'friend. I don't know that I recall any form poetry from you (but then, well, you do know? I tend to forget!) But your imagery is so startling, that, grinning here, I hate to even question it, as I tend to believe my questions about your poetry reveal more about ME than they do about you! *chuckle*? Still trying to catch up here, Mike. This was a great start! |
||
|
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Glad you all enjoyed. And not to worry, the meter falls into a drastically well-timed lock-in when it's read. I only know this from doing it so much. Basically, every syllable is a beat. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
