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Open Poetry #25
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The Suitcase Under My Bed
| Open Poetry #25 |
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The Suitcase Under My Bed |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
At the tender age of three I heard it for the first time the screams the cries the slaps the thud of my mother hitting the wall or the floor In the middle of the night it was like a real nightmare woke me up scared me as I huddled in my bed And then the lights bright and flashing Red Blue and the nice lady who packed a suitcase for me and told me my mommy was sick and I was going to stay with some nice people strangers unknown to me A short time passed my mom came home I came home my dad came home everyone was happy hugging smiling crying for forgiveness By the third time it happened I learned. Keep the suitcase packed hidden under the bed just in case. Back then there was no law to prevent the repeating of the beating no one told me it was ok that it wasn’t my fault that I could talk about it that I was safe I wet the bed until I was 12 Closing my eyes at night was always a test of faith that I wouldn’t wake up to the screams the cries the slaps the thud of my mother hitting the wall or the floor One of the fosters asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I said a ball So I could bounce in case I was thrown against the wall or the floor So I wouldn’t bleed like my mom so I wouldn’t be black and blue that turned to yellow When I was thirteen I asked my mom Why? and she told me he wasn’t to blame his father hit him he didn’t know any better he loved us he always loved us afterwards ashamed guilty again and again He was always drunk she was always in another room hide from it and you won’t see it run from it and it won’t hit you it won’t make you scream or cry or hit the wall or the floor Every few months I changed the clothes in the suitcase under my bed my diary was tucked in the spare money I found my favorite doll my favorite book My life In a suitcase under the bed When I was sixteen it happened again but this time I wouldn’t wait for the foster family to take me in to smile at me like I was a freak I heard the scream heard the slap And got my suitcase from under the bed and walked out At the end of the street I looked back Heard the faint cries Heard the subtle slam of my mother being thrown against the wall This is what the neighbors heard what the police heard as they pulled up in front of my house It was the last time I heard it. **** It took me thirty years to learn to sleep without a suitcase under my bed My children never asked about it my husband knew and understood the reason for it it gathered dust bunnies because I never needed it There were no screams No cries No slaps In my house. And one day I threw it out. the worn case with the clothes from a different life I didn’t take a suitcase when I went back for the funeral there was no need I wasn’t going to stay It was ironic they died together an accident Gas stove left on overnight But I knew he was too old to hit her slam her against the wall And she was too old to cry out When the rooms were cleared I wondered why there was no suitcase under my mother’s bed |
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| © Copyright 2003 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Lovely. A very glib commentary. I commend you. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
darn Sharon....this made my heart race in anticipation of what was to come. The repetition verses hammered those scenes into my mind. If true, this person is very strong to have survived. I am very lucky that I never had to live through a life like this. And there never is any excuse for why these things happen. hugs M (I am going through this rght now with my friend and neighbor and tomorrow will be at the courthouse with her for an order of protection against her ex...who threatened to buy a gun and kill her. So this touched me deeply.) |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
glib? I hardly think so. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
um... wow!  Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
It's not completely true. It did happen. When I was young we took in my twin cousins every time this happened. There were 6 kids that were farmed out to family members instead of foster homes. One of the cousins was my age....and she told me once she wanted to always run away. But she didn't. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
well you sure made this feel real and in such a way to keep one interested. Very well done Sharon. hugs M |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
A sensitive topic for me at the moment Sharon. [This message has been edited by serenity blaze (04-03-2003 05:34 PM).] |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
In recognizing that there are no easy answers, some people start to feel as if there are no answers at all. And perhaps resent the suggestion of one. While embroiled in tragedy, it seems interminable, and an ending, no matter how distant, is impossible to even envision. In truth, there aren't very many lived-happily-ever-after's, especially for a young runaway. But not many doesn't mean none, and a positive resolution doesn't equate to glib. Sharon, you did good. p.s. Lest someone accuse me of speaking out the wrong end, I left home two weeks after my sixteenth birthday. For exactly the same reasons cited here. It took me over 35 years to return home and I still, even then, refused to sleep under the same roof. This is a sensitive topic, I think, for many. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I give up. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Thank you Ron. I had no idea. It explains your uncompromising compassion for others. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
One of the best I've ever read...touched my heart...James |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
One of the most compelling reads that I have ever read. It was long...and I was glad of that because I didn't want it to end. It was breaking my heart but I had to keep reading on. I read your reply about this not being your own personal story, mind you, my heart went to your little cousins. I was touched by Ron's reply--just look at you now!--the both of you are not only surviving--you're thriving! God bless you! Big, warm hugs to both of you! Linda |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
...  |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Love is not often kind, it can be brutal in fact. I'm sorry for this, and all those who suffer the pain. I don't really know what to say, but your poem is a sensitive one and it touched me. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Sharon - this is the best writing I have read - you are amazing - real tears here - I am speechless . . . xxoo |
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dreambuilder Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 319caddyshack |
..... painful to read nice write |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Sharon, you are one of the most excellent writers I have ever read. The way you wrote this made me think it was about you personally. I was also in tears when I finished, for the little girl. You are a very compassionate person to have been able to seem to see into the mind of the person this was actually happening to. I commend you for writing what I'm sure many have gone through. I hope things turned out well for your cousins. . . And, Ron, I've thought you are really a caring and compassionate person from different things I've read of yours. Now, I know one of the reasons why you are so kind-hearted and fair with everybody. . . Heart Hugs to you both, Ethel [This message has been edited by garysgirl (04-03-2003 10:46 PM).] |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Dearest Poet deVine, this is indeed a heart wrenching read. I was once in the position of keeping a suitcase packed, car keys close by, and a safe house to go to. A terrible way to live - waiting for the other shoe to drop. I thank God everyday that those times are over with. Bless you. Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
I read this and then had to read it again for it struck such a deep cord within my soul, this poem hit close to home as I came from an abusive family and you do such a beautiful job of truley feeling what it is like, I am on the verge of tears. This had a kind of horrible beauty that I will not forget easily. Wonderfully written. ~Live and Laugh~ Bella |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Sharon absolutely brilliant write, and a painful one too. Maybe its not the same but verbal and mental abuse..same lingering effects |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Sharon, I think the word was "grim" not "glib". Just a guess. This is indeed an excellent write on a painful topic. Three years of CPS work was enough for me... If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Thank you all for your kind comments. I know from experience that the children are overlooked in a situation like this...my cousins were left to fend for themselves a lot while they were young. They came to us hungry and had an expectant look in their eyes...like they were always on the edge of something bad. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I definitely say far from being glib. Definitely a reflection of emotional horror. Sad but presented in a way to capture the images. Very well done! |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Sharon, Although I never grew up in an abusive household, I lived in an abusive marriage for 17 years and my children were witness to this kind of abuse. Yes, the suitcase can be packed, but sometimes it's hard to pull it out from under the bed and really leave. They say sometimes the devil you don't know is worse than the devil you do know...I guess perhaps that fear is what kept me there for 17 years. You've done an excellent job expressing this one. And for those of you out there in this situation, the devil you don't know isn't worse than the one you do know and there is life beyond those walls...a much more content and happier life than what is within those walls...just pull out that suitcase and make the move, you'll never regret it, I didn't  ~ Ruth |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
There's a whole lot of understanding going on here.... thank you Sharon....this wasn't easy, but it certainly was courageous. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Poet deVine Your talent has served you well, encellent. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
PoetDeVine~ Compassionately rendered~ An intense read~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Hugs to you, PdV... thanks for sharing.... regards, sudhir |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sharon...An amazing write...the horror seen all to real from your compassionate heart. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is a poem I'll copy and bring to my girls at school. They'll really appreciate it. Nearly every one of them has lived some variation of this story. Thank you kind lady... |
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BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919New York, USA |
Heartstrings being tugged with this Sharon ~ Happens too often to too many and the poor little ones are left carrying that "baggage" with them far into their futures ~ Powerful write ~ Bonnie |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Sometimes I wonder if we all don't have suitcases under our bed... Haunting... Susan |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
One of the best writes that i have the privilege of reading here so far...this ranks up there and touched me deeply, along with Balladeer "Small Pain in my chest" and Severn "Of Lakes and Loss" My life In a suitcase under the bed this sent the chills...gosh |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This one gripped me from first word to last... it's a powerful write of the pain all to many know all too well... simply superb! |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
This touches me deeply..... |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
It's hard for me to reply to this publicly. Just know that I felt every word. When I was barely four, my mother slammed my father in the head with a high heeled shoe, knocked him out cold in the front yard, came back in and locked the door, then spanked me for crying. I ran away before I turned five, and stayed gone for three days. It was the first of several conflicts I experienced, and the first one of my three 'runaway' episodes. |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
abuse....whew......incredible write...for not knowing it personally you did an incredible job |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Lord, what a ride! This is one masterful piece of writing, and the better because you needed to have a certain strain of bravery just to be able to write it at all. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i will like more people to read this |
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Tara Simms Hall Member
since 2001-11-07
Posts 87South Carolina |
Sharon, this was so real to me. When I grew up, my brother and I always kept a bag packed and hidden in the closet...ready to leave at a moment's notice if things got too ugly. You captured the feelings well. And in response to BluesSerenade: if love's not kind...it's not love. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
the ending I was contemplating as well |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Wonderful social service, this thread...realistically well written..... BTW, in Merriam-Webster Thesaurus the Con of glib is: Inarticulate, unfluent Syn is: silver-tongued, vocative, voluble, well-hung... Having been in this situation and leaving with my children there was no rock to hide under, he did find me, no restraining order could frighten him and the police will tell you until he kills you there is nothing they can do. I left, a hit man was hired by him, obviously something went wrong with that caper!....and if they can no longer hurt you personally the best way to get to you is to harm your children....'they' usually quite insane....and, they first usually will cut off any outside links to family and friends and money, meaning they would harm them, too.... Another BTW: The opposite end of the LOVE spectrum is HATE....still a part of love..... and it certainly can be brutal. Humans so complicated when alcohol/drugs added to the imbalance to begin with....and these men are usually your very best friend to begin with.....when there was no place to run to I went back home and nightly sat with my back up against a wall and a huge deer rifle, loaded and pointed at the front door and picture window and so jumpy I'd have probably shot anybody knocking on the door... I would have shot him dead (let's hope) had he broken in....it eventually ended with 3 misdemeanors and 1 felony against him....because I refused to be abused!!!! Why tell this personal story here....because now days there are safe places to go to...there were not back then....anyone being abused should leave immediately, but, sadly, too often the abused are just as mentally sick as the abuser.... I can only express deepest sympathy for anyone, (and this is quite prevalant), going through this. But please, DO SOMETHING NOW, there is hope....and laws have changed a lot.... Regardless of it being difficult to understand, sometimes with help, marriages can be saved... Mine could not...but I do lovingly speak with him once a month or so...amazing, but, true! (I believe that is God working in both our lives) some of these men suffer horribly...that is no excuse for their behavior, just a reason...some of these men do get help...Anger management, AA, NA, psychiatric help, all sources of healing.....but, they must be stopped from harming someone first...so for the abused, if you don't love yourself enough to leave, love him enough to leave....In sickness and in health....he is sick!!! Thank you for this...I hope one person listens....and saves their children untold pain and confusion and a chance of duplicating the patterns when they are full grown.... Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. "Desiderata" [This message has been edited by regards2you (04-07-2003 05:16 PM).] |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
An excellent write about a very painful topic Sharon...thanks for sharing. Maree |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
I couldn't read this through without crying and I read it three times. It's close enough to be real and too close to not hurt. HuGS Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Thank you all... and Pat? A special blessing for you - your words should be posted on the wall of every womans shelter. Thank you for sharing such a painful time in your life with us...that's what makes this site so great..we care about each other. Thank you. |
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