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Open Poetry #25
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Mr. Hide
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Mr. Hide |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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It is because I can see there are reasons I am me, I look and see the broken him hiding in a man's body. The little boy who learned to cook at the age of four. Scrape the pots of burnt mistakes quickly before Dad came home-- 'cause Mama seldom did. Then I heard about the game that his Daddy loved to play. Pillows over his child's face, just long enough to make boy rage-- Junior's cute when he is mad. I heard about the long weekends left in care of stranger's keep. Never knowing if she'll come back to bring him to his home. I met each boyfriend that she'd had through his eyes refusing tears it tooks years of melting walls for him to just confess to me that he'd been paid to go away: "Tickets to the movie son! Take it now and please stay gone. Here's another ten for you if you want to stroll the mall-- just don't call home before six." His mother's lover smiled. The only pet that I recall him ever mentioning to me, was a cat who loved to climb-- "Roofer" was his name. The cat became this boy's joy, this cat was a spirit free. His mother had a new pet too. He snored too loud and peacefully on this boy's Daddy's couch. He was watching "speedracer" when Roofer got that urged to climb, and jumped upon the snoozing man-- to meet the last of his nine lives. The man awoke in gloss-eyed rage (in sleep the man was still at war recently from Vietnam and in his mind still there. He took the kitty by the throat and slammed the cat against the wall Killing Roofer instantly-- along with that poor little boy. When his mother did return she found her men in tears. She gave her son five dollars then, as she calmed her boyfriend's fears. "There, there," she comforted him in calm-- her broken son counted the cash. There are things he still won't say. Some things just won't ever heal. But even now I am amazed how victims find each other. And I don't know what this all means. I know that I can't make him heal I have become the enemy-- he hates me 'cause I make him feel. * * * There's reasoning to be found for the broken ways-- memories never shared rot inside-- indoctrinate. Reacting and then justify with a convenient swab. Tell ourselves convenient lies denying that we ever hurt. |
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| © Copyright 2003 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Just being there for each other in any way you can, might be enough to speed the healing. Intense, full of heart and unconditional love. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
sometimes tho, it's not enough. blind leading blind, yanno? But there are so many sides to issues, I wanted to be fair, and tell it all. Monsters are not born, but created. (smile, I've got a lot on my feeble mind these days) |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
It is because I can see there are reasons I am me, I look and see the broken him hiding in a man's body. ========================== There are things he still won't say. Some things just won't ever heal. But even now I am amazed how victims find each other. =========================== I am running late...and now have to put my mascara back on.. ( its singeproof..not tear) *sigh* .... there is SOOOO much I could say to this... it touches me where I live ....and tears at my heart ... but you already know... so for now...I am singing that line from me girlie Alanis... "my tortured beacon" .... (yes, you know) love you KA mothyme "and when we get to the pearly gates ... we'll find what we called our sins were just mistakes." Tom Kimmel [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (04-02-2003 05:22 PM).] |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Damn this hurts sweetie. Just wanted to let you know I was here and read this.. amazing Karen..you and this piece!! ~Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Anything I could say, would be inept, so I'll just give you a great big HUG... Lovin' hugs, EA |
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noah j Member
since 2003-03-05
Posts 82on the open road with the wind blowing in my hair |
touched me very much. that is all i can say. the only people for me are the mad ones-mad to live, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at once--jack kerouac |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
serenity, For a moment you pulled the curtain of a window. Well done, enjoyed. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
K - I do understand - go read "Ode to Childhood" . . . Bless you both xxoo |
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Ringo
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
OMG- This is so straight to the heart. I take care of foster children, and too many of them have this same story. Karen, this should never have to have been written, however since it was, I absolutely love this writing. Imagine all the People living life in peace... |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
So well told, and so sensitive. Tears here, and heart hugs to you. Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Know the blind leading the blind part... but that third eye... it's always working in you.... Well done my dear... |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Sometimes its not enough, yes, but the effort is still appreciated and needed on his part though he may say otherwise..or maybe it's just me who's like that, pulling someone into to talk with one hand and pushing them back with the other |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I just wrote this to explain the confusion. It's just too easy to demonize a person who has wronged you. But if I left anything out, it's what I continue to say to him. It wouldn't matter if I were PERFECT--what I am NOW, will never make up for what THEY were not then. And...I think I need the freedom from his expectations to become myself. And, yes, that will happen, with or without his consent. So, Peace good people, and thanks for seeing both sides of a crazy coin. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Karen, you will never know how much I admire you for even being able to write these painful things in your heart. I have a lot of hurts from my past that I only wish I could put on paper. Even though I did love my deceased husband, he was an abuser and had been abused. His stories weren't exactly the same, but he was still abused when a child. Heart Hugs to you, sweetie.  Ethel |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Karen - this clutched at my heart. You are one very strong lady. Thankyou for allowing us to read some of your deepest thoughts. Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
empathy for the boy but the man can hurt back displaced swings dont do hugs you |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Just know i read it and I care, and it is impossible to write what I am feeling in this tiny box  , but I do know one thing that you know as well, that no matter what you become and gain, it will never be enough to make up for the loss that was suffered unfortunately. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Please don't mistake the intent of this. I know I can't fix this one. But there are many who think that leaving a bad situation is as easy as packing a bag. I wanted to portray ALL of the heartbreak--not just my rage. I thought it only fair to show one of the sides of him that was not repulsive. Read the two poems together and know that this is heartbreak--and understand a family grieves. Again. *heart-hugs* to all, especially those so generous as to open their hearts to me without judgement. I am forever grateful for that. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Dear Karen...No words, just understanding and heart hugs.  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Lots of understanding.... and plenty of hugs... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
...I couldn't get this thing to load... and I am really just...I don't know. I could give a whole list of things to be self-righteously angry about toward this man. No one would blame me for hating him. But I have children with this man, and for me to show them an example of hatred for him, is to teach them to have hatred for a part of themselves. Maybe I'm just a stupid idealist, but I really believe there can be peaceful solution. And thank you two ladies, I've been sitting here feeling awfully misunderstood.  [This message has been edited by serenity blaze (04-03-2003 03:07 PM).] |
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dreambuilder Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 319caddyshack |
I admire your strength your candid expression & your compassion - ty for sharing |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
serenity blaze - this is one of the most heartfelt writings I've ever read, perhaps because of some memories. Peace walk with you my lady... BC |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Nah...we can't fix 'em...even if we could, something would still break...and we can't always offer bandages, because like a cat's wound, some things have to be healed from the inside out...so all we can do is attempt to understand, know the black from the white, and go with the good of compassion... Yep...came back for another read... and another |
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Moonlight Romeo
since 2001-09-10
Posts 982The heart of you |
True, monsters cannot be born, but are indeed created. However, because they are created, they can also be torn apart and reassembled. They cannot be reassembled by their users, but by their creators. Thank you. Peace is the only battle worth waging. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"It is because I can see there are reasons I am me, I look and see the broken him hiding in a man's body." Those words reached up and smacked the crap out of me. Story: The broken boy/man I married when I was 18 soon grew to hate me as well. Why? Because I to, had been through some bad times and muddled through my stuff better than he had his. His goal became to break me. Break me with his alcohol soaked tortured soul....in the end? I couldn't fix him and he couldn't break me... As you may have guessed by now this piece touched me... Susan |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Have you posted this before? It seems my heart has felt this break previously... but regardless, this is excellent. |
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