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| Open Poetry #25 |
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Private Space |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside 
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Something tells me your heart is aching untied and breaking I can feel your breath uneven struggling against the pressure. While you try to still the trembling behind the walls you built so carefully putting up a false bravado in case you should fall short of your desire. I feel your sorrow slipping through the cracks as the water level threatens to rise and flood seeping through the four corners of your world in keeping with your private space invaded by the intrusion. Heaving silently so as to appear unmoved by their shudder and descent that threatens to crumble all around you before escaping through the recesses and hidden tunnels of your mind. Or perhaps you are on the outside looking in at the plaster paving my smile that never set in place or held me tight~ |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Lori, You can be painfully insightful. You never cease to amaze me.  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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HopeS Member Elite
since 2000-12-22
Posts 4596Perth Western Australia |
viewing those emotions ....can be very in depth , described excelently Hope |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Lori, I'm speechless. Heart Hugs, friend Ethel |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
BluesSerenade - your pen writes as one who sees from the inside... BC |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Something tells me your heart is aching untied and breaking I can feel your breath uneven struggling against the pressure. While you try to still the trembling behind the walls you built so carefully putting up a false bravado in case you should fall short of your desire. I feel your sorrow slipping through the cracks as the water level threatens to rise and flood seeping through the four corners of your world in keeping with your private space invaded by the intrusion. ================================ you read between the lines very very well... and you write the lines with the same graceful insight. This touches places deep poetess Lori... thanks for that. "and when we get to the pearly gates ... |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
..."Or perhaps you are on the outside looking in at the plaster paving my smile that never set in place or held me tight ~ " Beautifully expressed... Warm hugs, EA |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"Or perhaps you are on the outside looking in at the plaster paving my smile that never set in place or held me tight~" ========================================== Wow..Lori! Ooh my I know what you mean and what you are feeling here...so well said. ~Hugs, Nancy~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Lori, So insightful. Love this! And, I too, would quote what the others did, re: plaster...great!!! Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Or perhaps you are on the outside looking in at the plaster paving my smile that never set in place or held me tight Oh me oh my what a precious/heart touching read dearPoetFriend... I decided this morning to take a quick peak in here as I had a few minutes to spare and gosh almighty I didn't honestly expect to be overwhelmed by many feelings all at once like the way your poem did2this reader... BluesSweetie, of the many splendid writes that you have shared this is that one very special poem that will be treasured by moi for many many more reads in the years ahead truly... Teddybearhugs2uDearFriend... *~coco~* [This message has been edited by CocoBaci (03-26-2003 09:36 AM).] |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Such excellent writing, and so heart touching. Sandra |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
you always impress me... very nicely said and done... |
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Robert Frazier Senior Member
since 2003-02-06
Posts 1014 |
Lori, your honesty is beautifully revealed in this poem. Rf |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
you don't mince words, always true to your poetry , it comes though time and again, good stuff......... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Lori...how come? You still have time to submit for Reflections... click the button! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Emotive writing, my friend Lori, and a honest look inside a feeling. |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
you do have a way with insightful words, and emotions....sorry your heart is aching....heart hugssss lori~  Lauren~ I close my eyes and there in the shadows I see your light |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Insightful... empathetic... and absolutely excellent. *S* |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Blues - this: behind the walls you built so carefully putting up a false bravado in case you should fall short of your desire. I know too well and no - I am sure it was this - yes - for sure . . . xxoo |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
exceptionally impressive writing this... muchly enjoyed... thanks, regards, sudhir |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Thank you everyone, you humble me. |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
This is excellent! Really, a superior write. Plus, what everyone else said! |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
'Or perhaps you are on the outside looking in at the plaster paving my smile that never set in place or held me tight~' Damn. Could feel it cracking... |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Lori, this is so very heartaching, sweet friend, I only wish there could be more people like you who could read ones eyes and define ones emotion like a plam reader, I think many fail to look between the lines! (sad sigh) I send extra special friendship hugs your way, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lori, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
We must have had the same kind of day my friend. This was really well done. All your works are so impressive, and so masterful. TD |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
So can we humble your fanny into a Reflections submission? Huh? Can we? Huh? Huh? Well....can we?  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
I can feel the pain in this. |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Thank you ladies and all you gentle men. I appreciate it. [This message has been edited by BluesSerenade (03-28-2003 03:00 PM).] |
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