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nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2003-03-19 11:41 AM



By Words and More

I've spread my feelings, sometimes too thin
upon pages of blue, never expecting friendships
to grow or fade, never realizing how touchable words were
coming into contact with so many, some lighting a fuse,
others just a spark and all adding to my life,
even in the simplest of ways.

Hands touched me, words reached me,
my hearing improved and my sight developed
"between the lines" readings.

I have grown in many ways,
but also have stifled my living.
And as many have tried and know,
you are an addiction that pulls me back
into the heart of you,
even when I try to refuse the given.

There are times when I wish I were never
in the position to need you,
and other times when I am so grateful
to know I can open this door, walk in
and can dress or undress myself
anyway I want, being a seductress,
or in the holding pattern of a child,
or lost in the thoughts of depression
or even happy for that moment in time.

It's hard to state what poetry has meant to me,
and yet I am not sure all I write is poetry.
My words seep out at times, out of confusion,
sometimes out of hate and vengeance,
only those were always a temporary fix
for the ill that would come over me,
scrapes and cuts and bruises like I have never felt before.
My body would overcompensate, sometimes
embarassing me, sometimes making me hide under the covers,
pulling them tight to keep me still,
until the memories would fade to a lesser hurt.
Then I would come out, visit my lifeline
and share, hoping that my words
would help another in their time of need.

I have been needed lately, for my compassion,
for my ability to problem solve,
for my supporting arms, and time
seems to have escaped me
for my own purpose in life.

Death comes whether I want it to or not,
the cancers spread despite all efforts to control
by positive feelings, by prayer, by goodness...
No one owns life, no one owns darkness,
no one owns gloom or sadness.
It is always waiting around the corner,
always trying to stop us from
knowing that today is what counts
and if we can get through this one day.
then tomorrow may hold the happiness we search for,
the contentment and the survival skills
to make it through another one.

I have put off many things, some days
trying to do twenty things at once, to make up for it.
Sounds impossible, but if anyone can do that, I can.
At the end of a week, it is all accomplished, like line work,
it all comes together in the end...

So if you don't see me coming and going,
dependent on the written word, know that
I am living between the lines now, being touched
by words and more...


M


"Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less."
(Will Moss)

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (03-19-2003 11:44 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Wynter Bliss - All Rights Reserved
WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
1 posted 2003-03-19 11:45 AM


Maureen, This poem touched me deeply, for I feel your journey is so closely related to mine. I've felt these same things, I'm drawn the same way, this place, these people, our friends, all important in my life now. I enjoyed this read, and I felt it's touch upon my heart.
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
2 posted 2003-03-19 11:50 AM


MMMMwwwwwwaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! (that's a huge sisterly kiss!   )--for the real, raw write and for you being you! I do understand...

Love & Light,
Linda

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (03-19-2003 11:51 AM).]

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
3 posted 2003-03-19 11:52 AM


I love the way you write your heart Maureen.  At times I also feel like an open book, but there is a measure of everlasting hope in the real sense of a true story.

Hugs to you this morning~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2003-03-19 12:35 PM


I know the feeling Maureen...I can relate well to what you've said here.


nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
5 posted 2003-03-19 12:37 PM


Anne, thank you. I can't seem to fill the emptiness inside. Words don't really help,
they are just a temporary fix, a time release high that only brings me down again as time proves to me that my life is meant to be what it is and no more.

M

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
6 posted 2003-03-19 12:38 PM


Maureen, as you know, we all relate to this, or parts of it, anyway. I know that I've done exactly some of these things.


Believe me when I say, we see you coming and going, and being the sweet, helpful, compassionate and caring person that you are.

I really appreciate the way that you write your heart, dear friend, and the abilities that you have to do so.
Thank you for being YOU, Maureen.
Heart Hugs,
Ethel

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
7 posted 2003-03-19 12:43 PM


Linda, I have spent the  greater portion of the last 72 hours outside of myself.

I can see where I have been and the future is a maze of stops and restarts and my frustration level is at its peak.
Thank you for understanding
M

Good morning Lori. I hope this day finds you well. Miss catching you on here..was almost on the time you were late last night.
hugssss
M

Dixie, it is almost a shame that so many of us can relate to one another...I don't believe wanting to be happy and share loving another, is too much to want or ask for in life.

Thank you for responding

M

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
8 posted 2003-03-19 01:02 PM


Thank you, Ethel.
You are one who shines through with your shared love...always a joy to read, always  proof of the reachable.

hugss
M

kayjay
Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015
Oregon
9 posted 2003-03-19 03:29 PM


With each read of this, I find both light and dark.  For me, given to giving to others means that descriptions of being outside oneself are joyous.  However, they may not be to the scribe.  I love your phrasing and heartfelt sincerity.  Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
10 posted 2003-03-19 04:09 PM


Thank you Ken. This should be a light day for me, but it's dark to my eyes.
It should be a fresh start, but I have the lights off, and my blinds drawn and I sit
in the darkness that I have become accustomed to.
Thoughts pass, yet sometimes on rewind they occur over and over until I just wish I had a turn-off switch *s.

I can close my eyes, but still see.
And other times I can have them wide open...
and see nothing but shadows haunting me.

Thank you,again
** maybe it is time to get new glasses and leave the rose colored tint off this time.

M
..and yes I enjoy helping others..I do so freely but there are times when it drains me until I have nothing left for myself.

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (03-19-2003 04:12 PM).]

kayjay
Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015
Oregon
11 posted 2003-03-19 04:44 PM


I think we all have that edge we sit on and sometimes it is easy to decide what is for others and what is for self..and sometimes not.  An old platitude.  I hope some brightness comes to you.  KJ

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
12 posted 2003-03-19 04:56 PM


Hey, my friend, I'm just a phone call
away. Anytime.
Hugssss,
Dorene

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
13 posted 2003-03-19 06:21 PM


enjoyed
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
14 posted 2003-03-24 12:59 PM


Maureen - goodness - you summed it all up here for most of us I do believe - addiction - yes and this:

Hands touched me, words reached me,
my hearing improved and my sight developed

So has mine and ya know - it just did again xxoo

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
15 posted 2003-03-24 01:14 PM


Ken, Dorene, vandana and littlewing
thank you for your kind responses.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed and the feelings just begin to pour...

hugss
M

Cerenity
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637
Escondido-California
16 posted 2003-03-25 10:44 PM


Hi Maureen,

I was lost and found in the beauty and truth, sadness and desire of this piece, thank you for such a wonderful gift the sharing of your heart.

Love Cerenity

"God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist.
We have to be reminded that He exist!"

(Writer Unknown)



Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
17 posted 2003-03-25 11:00 PM


nakdthoughts - it's nice to see this write from you. I'm always here, as you know...

BC

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