Open Poetry #25 |
Kind of Blue |
Eromyna Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306Pheonix, AZ, USA |
You are gold and silver highlights on my life glistening like riches or a higher delight They're black and crimson terror and pain revised inner vision contently insane I have seen orange and yellow pity and your sympathy obliged to feel compelled to dwell on things depressing She is white, and he is green She is pure, and he naive He is young, and she is new He is fresh, and she pristine But I'm a kind of blue or brown around the edge I've been soiled a bit my colors wouldn't blend I'm a shade of violet barely visible to you A step in the wrong direction and I would disappear from view So be careful with your tears lest they fall near me draw me out of the spectrum and erase the imagery You be black and red and white Be yellow, orange and green But, I prefer this shade of blue and sometimes, I'd rather not be seen "I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation." |
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© Copyright 2003 Shay D. - All Rights Reserved | |||
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
your last line...I often feel that way. I enjoyed your view in color..just a small suggestion. I am not sure you wanted to rhyme or not but most times you did but in a few verses you changed the rhyme scheme. You may want to be more consistent ...if rhyming. * I am reading you and responding...I noticed you in the discussion forum. *s M |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
You are one who does not simply see everything as being either black or white! Love & Light, Earth Angel |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
You painted a colorful picture with words in this one.. . I enjoyed it. "Love makes the world go around" |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
wonderful word picture |
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Eromyna Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306Pheonix, AZ, USA |
I rhyme when it works. But I believe the meaning of the words is more important than their harmony. As a result, I often switch rhyme schemes between stanzas. And I will continue to do so, for as long as it is necessary. "I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation." |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
But I'm a kind of blue or brown around the edge I've been soiled a bit my colors wouldn't blend I'm a shade of violet barely visible to you A step in the wrong direction and I would disappear from view So be careful with your tears lest they fall near me draw me out of the spectrum and erase the imagery ============================== this is excellent!! superb poetic employ of color, personification, and imagery to define and express the melancholy emotions. Those above verses are done with such emotive depth and clever analogy of the colors. very well done poetess Eromyna. The Sun The Moon The Stars The Sky |
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