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Wasteland II
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Wasteland II |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn 
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Sitting Staring Into my dying fire I see her Following restive Behind his decrepit wagon Marking time By the protesting groans Of the trundling dray As it trembles beneath Its burden of false promise On its endless journey Toward dissolute pledge I see her stop Now and again To scratch out her yearning On cavewall and crag Or score bitter anguish Upon her breasts and her thighs I watch as she wanders From his prescribed path To make her temporary temples Washing the shame from her face Combing sins from her hair Donning the crimsoned robes An obscuring mantle For a priestess of love And warming herself Burning the faggots Of bundled affection Then, once again, Falling in line Behind her betrothed Tethered by the threads Of fraying hope Bound with the intricate knots Of mistrust Making simple meals From what she can scavenge Or from the bones that he throws her Walking deeper Into the wasteland Counting the steps Through catching briar And tripping bramble Taking her farther From her heinous angel She begins to regret Blurring her tracks So that no one can follow Nor let her find her way back I see the bright diamonds Fall from her eyes To the dust on the ground Glint for a moment Then trampled To mud [This message has been edited by wranx (03-16-2003 07:08 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Under the burden of false promise I've seen too many people lose themselves to these, whether to the promise of an ideal, path,person.. Extremely well written Ed. I felt the pang in this, of an observer, feeling helpless to help, but forced to watch one fall. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
'I see her stop Now and again To scratch out her yearning On cavewall and crag Or score bitter anguish Upon her breasts and her thighs I watch as she wanders From his prescribed path To make her temporary temples Washing the shame from her face Combing sins from her hair' I read this several times, each time the face got clearer. Perfect title for a situation without redemption. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
ED: I see the bright diamonds Fall from her eyes To the dust on the ground God - this is amazing - know what that feels like I do - I did - I do - yes - excellent - as always xxoo |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
You just floored me. shaking my head here... this is one of those that I'm not sure I want to think about too long. Disquietly familiar-- shaking off the feeling... How you manage to make such a powerful impact with such gentle words is beyond me. |
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Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
As usual, you humble me with words.This is amazing.Well written.You possess much talent Ed. Jason |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice writing...James |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Whoa, Ed. Such hopelessness here. Resignation, no chance, no hope of escape. One tiny nit: Its’ burden of false promise On it’s endless journey Toward dissolute pledge in both cases above its' and it's s/b its no apostrophe. What is its color? It's green. It's been a long, long time. These are the champs, surely the most often confused words in English! Remember, it's means it is or it has! Use its to show possession. from: http://www.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/notorious/its.htm Core |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Have I metioned that I failed English? TWICE? Thanks Core. [This message has been edited by wranx (03-16-2003 07:15 PM).] |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
this use to be my story...USE to be...h |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Failed twice eh? I failed once and dropped out of two courses. Although those were due to the drunkards i had as teachers [This message has been edited by Aenimal (03-16-2003 08:54 PM).] |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
I am not so sure I always understand what it is you are saying. But I interpreted this in such a way that only we can help ourselves, so long as we remain open to the changes we encounter at the crossroads of our lives. It's all good wranx~ |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Ok - hehehe how many of us were failed? LOL - I failed creative writing in college . . . now that - how can you fail CREATIVE writing - goodness . . . *smiles* [This message has been edited by littlewing (03-17-2003 12:56 AM).] |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Ed, you certainly don't write like you failed English ever. Everything I read of yours keeps me glued to the computer screen. It all seems so real.....like I'm looking through a window at the scene and situation you are telling about. You are amazing, dear poet, Sir. Hugs, Ethel |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
amazing write |
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