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Open Poetry #25
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regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California

0 posted 2003-03-02 05:16 AM





How dark the deepest ocean,
How deep the darkest me?
You keep casting shadows
Block out sunlight of my free.


.
Why,

Must you be there at the
Bottom of my beginnings
Frilly coral cut and scrap
New wash of romance
Splashed hopeless.

You conch crawl
A line of lore
Past present swelling
New wave of wonder
The tumultuous tide of you

Sways me

Swirls debris of memory
Of the union of us
Clouding clarity

Again,

Reminding me
How anchored to bottom
Caged, on a long lead

We,
An unfinished gem stone
Of unending forevers.

You borrow tomorrow
Like yesterday never was

And,

Trip a traipse of tender
When there might be
Someone else, more than
A lusting lover,
For, he and I laugh
Like you and I never did.

The depth of his ocean
Washes the rust of you
From my soul
In preparation for him?
Or, will it be another
Layer of pearl
To be coated over us?

Ever do we sway
Like seaweed
At the bottom of
Never was bliss.

Will the union of us
Keep rolling to luster?

Yes, I think
No matter who
Enters our lives,
At least until
The sun dries up the ocean,
We will somehow
Always be together,
Alone,
In unity.
.
.
.




..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"


[This message has been edited by regards2you (03-02-2003 05:33 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Patricia L.Thompson - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2003-03-02 05:38 AM


nice last lines...enjoyed very much
GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
2 posted 2003-03-02 05:56 AM


Pat,
you're up late! go to bed! I like this alot.
I especially like the whole first stanza anddd...
"Why,
Must you be there at the
Bottom of my beginnings"

anddd

"The tumultuous tide of you

Sways me

Swirls debris of memory
Of the union of us
Clouding clarity"

anddd

"You borrow tomorrow
Like yesterday never was"

anddd

"We will somehow
Always be together,
Alone,
In unity."

ok so I like it all. And if my migraine hasn't too far consumed my thought process, then I like what you're saying too. That even though someone new may come in, that you love in a different way.. that'll only polish the true love of the one you'll ALWAYS love. Though polishing is a hard process. yes yes, good indeed.

hugs and love to you
Always, Alyssa



- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

[This message has been edited by GG (03-02-2003 07:48 AM).]

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
3 posted 2003-03-02 07:45 AM



I liked the ocean as background
i hope the sun never does dry it up; so many
stories cast into that ocean of tears,
what i wanted to say before on your response
to something i wrote, was to let you know that
i sincerely admire the way you respond to poems,
you put yourself into your responses as you do
into your poetry, itself. i wish i were able
to do so as much, so i do thank you, i like the critiquing and the support   and i know
others do also.  

[This message has been edited by inkedgoddess (03-02-2003 07:46 AM).]

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2003-03-02 08:49 AM


regards2you
Well done, enjoyed the read.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
5 posted 2003-03-02 09:23 AM


Very very beautifully penned Pat.
Very much enjoyed the read.
~Hugs & Smiles, Nancy~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
6 posted 2003-03-02 10:26 AM


a great line!:
You borrow tomorrow
Like yesterday never was
************************
very well done, nice metaphor


regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
7 posted 2003-03-02 02:18 PM



Dixie,

Thank you for reading and commenting.
I, too liked the last lines. That is possible, you know. Glad you enjoyed.

Alyssa,

Always up late. I never get more than 2-3 of sleep in a row. Of course that causes me to look like I just got dug up out of my own grave. but such is life. And, why were you up so late....smiling here....

Appreciate you taking the time to quote parts of this poem. And, you are right, polishing is a hard process, as we tumble through life, singly or attached.

Michele,

I rarely say anything I don't mean, so consider that. Thanks for taking the time to write your message to me...
I appreciate it. Hugs

Sy,

Thank you for your time and reply.

NancyLee,

Thanks for the very, very beautiful and the smiles...

Midnitesun,

Glad you liked those two lines, they are two of my favorites, too.
Thanks for your time.

Hugs to all of you. Happy Sunday!




..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Mistletoe Angel
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since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
8 posted 2003-03-02 10:41 PM




(smiles) Yay!!! But even when the sea dries up the love can last because the pearls will always be there scattered about and reflecting vows never broken! (big hugggssssss) This is wonderful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Patricia, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
9 posted 2003-03-03 07:35 AM



Noah, What a beautiful reply, but too often every vow you can name was broken and yet it would 'seem' love remains. In poetry it does, but, in reality it does not. I learned a little trick long ago in tracing back my feelings to origin. These sticking, not stinking, tsk!...relationships, often run to our earliest needs not being met, nor given from parent; someone comes along with a parental love whom we can also legitimately make love with and we unwittingly latch onto them forever, not recognizing the why of it...that is the simplest form of it...and it works for me....Doesn't mean I don't like to write about an unending love, though.

Thanks for your loving, lovely reply.

Hugs, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

10 posted 2003-03-04 09:33 AM


Pat...well woven..and i have enjoyed seeing the tone and form of your words change over time..you are indeed plumbing deeper..

nice work... I enjoyed

regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
11 posted 2003-03-04 10:16 AM


Cpat,

Thanks for bringing this back up.
I always appreciate your comments.
It is your positive input and patient suggestions which have helped much.
Negativity, without input,  sends me backwards into my cave.

Given my formative years, (aged 6 and under)  being kept and locked in daily in what we referred to as the dungeon room,  plus extremely negative treatment on an indvidual basis, and given a sense of I could do nothing right, not even tell my own name correctly, has convinced me(least I hope so) that I simply shut down  certain parts of the logical part of my thinking, because the kind of insanity I was exposed to and made no sense to this brain at an age when I could neither read nor write nor add, was not tolerable to the "logic" in this brain.

I somehow clicked shut my thinking, using only what was needed for survival.


I only mention this, because I too see the growth in my writing and it is exciting and rewarding to see that part of self open up, creativity a ~pure joy~. To have someone of your intelligence and talent see it too means a great deal.

Of course a good shrink and 20 years and 50 grand might open up my thinking too. Since I don't have any of those I'll keep "plumbing deeper" and see if I can weave words as well as I'll bet I could have woven baskets. Why I have escaped mental institutions or jail is the miracle....I believe in miracles.

I know this is personal, but so is my writing, a gift I put on hold for a long, long time & even if I don't get any better than this, I have gained the sense of pleasure writing poetry offers. All the above has been shared through various poems anyways.

Thank you as ever, for taking your time to reply. Means much to me.

Hugs, Pat  






..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

[This message has been edited by regards2you (03-04-2003 10:31 AM).]

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
12 posted 2003-05-31 09:41 PM



spritrider87
Member
since 2003-05-31
Posts 294
NH
13 posted 2003-06-01 04:09 PM


wow that made me cry. you are very good. keep writing

i am in trouble but no one knows it if you can figure out my messages thenhelp me.

Muys
Member
since 2002-04-06
Posts 389
The Netherlands
14 posted 2003-06-05 03:25 PM


<Hi recards2you

I'm SPEECHLESS, only twentysix letters from the alphabet and so much  nice Poems.
How much sleeves have you?
Muys

Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
15 posted 2003-06-07 11:53 PM


God, I so love the way you put the words together. I like.
GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
16 posted 2003-06-08 04:45 PM



- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
17 posted 2003-07-04 05:07 PM


OhPat~
I'm coming back to this one later (if it's still here) ... if not, I made a copy and will email you about it !
It's probably one of the BEST pieces of poetry on this site !!!

Soooooooooooo unfair that you aren't here !!
Unfair !!

And in spite of what others may think ...
(and I DO know what I'm talking about)...
MY OPINION (I read that we're entitled to those here) IS that you got the short end of the measuring stick !
quote:
"I could have tip-toed around in my response, but being responsible for my words doesn't mean I have to mince them." RCarnell
That's my story and I'm sticking to it !

*Huglets* to you, Pat ... God loves a winner ... and that's YOU !
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

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