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Anyone know a good Hitman?
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Anyone know a good Hitman? |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Anyone know why, having biologically produced 3 children, gives anyone the right to walk back in after 4 years of no contact?? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I can't understand how my ex can expect to just waltz back in now! Is ther any reason why I should aloow this to happen at all? Who does he think he is? What happens if he leaves again in a year? How do I protect my children? *exhale* I just don't understand. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Maybe he was abducted by aliens and couldn't contact you in all that time?  |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Maybe he has just finally come to his senses. A similar situation happened with my ex. I didn't have any choice but to let him see our girls again because of the custody/visitation order. It sure was much nicer when he was out of the picture, let me tell ya! Since the girls have gotten older much of the tension is gone. Now it is strictly up to them whether or not to see him...one does and one does not (totally his fault as he played favorites all their young lives). I think the best thing to do is keep a balanced perspective about the situation...he is as much their father as you are their mother, even though he isn't a good one, he is all that they have. It's up to him now how he peforms as a father, which will form in the children's minds an opinion of him, for the good or for the bad. Hopefully he has learned a lesson and will try harder in the future. Good luck! |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa |
As a father of 3, the only thing I can say is that maybe he realizes the best thing in life is to create another life. Do me a favor and keep me updated on how he and the children are doing. I have a friend of mine who came to his senses after leaving his wife and child. Took him 5 years to do so, but the only sad part about it is that his ex won't let him see his son. He says that hurts the most. He wishes he could change things but he knows that all he can do is try to convince her he has changed. All he wants to do is spend some time with his son so that his son knows who his father is and can understand why he left in the first place. |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
In my opinion ANY man should be allowed to see his children! I don't want to luanch in to a tirade here, but I have strong opinions when it comes to fathers and their children! Hmm..seems I might anyways.. So..I'm adopted. Once when I met my natural mother, she told me that she told my natural father he would never know who I was, where I was, or when I was born. She told him he would never know anything about me. Well..  It seems she was sucessful because I have never met my natural father because I don't know who he is. I could ask her if I trusted her to tell me the truth. I've been pondering for about a year now on how and when to put in the time and exhaustion I know may be involved with finding him. Had my natural mother not saw fit to strip my natural father's rights away from him in some way, I would know who he is. I have no problems with being adopted. The only grudge I hold against my natural mother is robbing me of eventually meeting and knowing my real father when I chose to. She certainly gave my parents enough info on herself for when I turned old enough and mature enough to want to meet her. My question, is who the hell was she to deem whether or not my natural father would ever know me..ESPECIALLY since she was going to give me up for adoption anyways. So..I know there are a lot of circumstances surrounding reasons why some fathers don't get to see their children. Those don't matter to me. A father should be allowed to see his children. No matter the parental protection, the parents in my opinion have no right to hide their children from their parents! Sorry..I'm not yelling at you. I am just joining the discussion. |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
Wow, Tough situation. I know the feeling. My son is 16. And his dad just shows up out of the blue on a Harley! I said nothing. My son said it all. Believe me, it's harder for them to stand up to a childs innocence and face that, when they have hard questions and want real answers. If his dad makes it through that I feel he's earned his way into his life again. Which I wouldn't want to be him right now!  As for my daughter though..She is 12..and emotionally she can't handle it. So I have to protect her, not from him, but from herself. She is very self blaming. Divorce causes such scars. So we've cried.. a lot! But I have to be strong for her till she can make the decision on her own. She feels comfortable with the fact that I won't keep him away, but I will let her call all the shots. And if he can't abide by that he can hit the road again! As long as he doesn't play any emotional games with her. You know, the "You're my little sweetie pie, and I'm gonna make you the center of my world" If that was true, then He never would have abandoned her. I don't encourage anything. I'm just paying deep attention to their feelings and listening to them really hard! I hope you fair this well. I feel for you and your children. Hang in there Marilyn. Trust your good mother heart. They have to get to know the kids again. They don't know who they are or who they've become. And most probably won't make it once they find out. If they think they can just make up for lost time, they are literally kidding themselves and will run from the pressure. If they don't, then I think they really know their mistakes. God bless!Sincerely, Rwood |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Maybe I sould clarify for those who don't know me. My children are 10, 7 and 5. Amanda, my baby, was a year and a half old when he left and doesn't remember him at all. *sigh* She is the one I am most concerned about. The boys remember a little and have an idea what to expect from their father. I do not intend to keep him away from my children but I do intended to protect them to the best of my ablity. I just wish he would have stayed gone. This is a complication we do not need at this time. We have just managed to get things going smoothly. This man has been a typical dead beat Dad. He has supported us minimumly (finanically) and has been in contact (phone calls) even less. Last time he even spoke to my children was over a year ago. What does he expect? I have been in contact with him (via e-mail) recently and have spelled out all of the rules I expect to be followed. Since my reply ( a week and a half) I have heard nothing in response. I did ask him to seriously concider what I said in my e-mail, so I hope this time is well spent thinking. He is still about 5 hours away but at least in the same province again. If he is serious about reconnecting with his kids he should agree to my terms and he must move closer (unfortunatly for me). *exhale* I hope this makes my possition clearer. My concerns are for my children because of the fact I know this man so well. I need some real proof that he has changed. I do not want him around if he hasn't because he was very harmful to all of us. Marilyn |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"Does anyone know a good hitman?" Yes, as a matter of fact I do. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
serenity.....I wasn't serious with that line. It was just a way to vent my frustration. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Marilyn~ my ex was terribly abusive....cruel is too nice a word for him, believe me.....I left him when my son was 1 year and 1 month old...I got together with my current husband just before my son turned two. I have full physical and legal custody of my son. I have not heard one word from my ex since he found out my son was calling my husband dad ( about three months into our relationship, I've known my husband for 17 years, we knew he'd be dad to my son)I have not recieved any money from my ex...just after I left him he sent a 200.00 dollar check that BOUNCED! and it was on my parents account, I had to pay it back...... I don't want his money either.... I wouldn't even consider letting that monster near my son....when my son is 18 the choice will be his, until then, God gave me the responsibiliy to protect my son, and I will. My husband is an amazing father, and he loves my son as his own. I wouldn't have it any other way..... I think if you don't want him around your children, then fight to protect them.... emotional abuse leaves scars too...... his inability to be there for them will only hurt....a little bit is NOT better than nothing. ok....... off my soap box now |
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