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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2002-04-01 02:41 PM

Saturday dawned the hazy grey
Of early spring questioning whether
To rain a few drops or reach low
To touch with cotton fog the grass
Just now beginning to turn from
Crunchy brown to supple green

It wasn’t hard to remember the words
When my eyes came open enough
To see the empty place you usually sleep

Strange to me
How you wanted to be left alone
And then get angry when I do just that
By taking myself to another room
Trying to avoid the threats
Of being kicked in the face that come
From your anger at something
And the naïve thought I could
Tease you out of it.

I heard the knob turn as you started
Through the door, and closed my eyes again
Not ready to face you again

You went through to bathroom
And shut the door loudly
I just waited
Until you came out,
Crawled in your side of the bed
And covered your head as you turned
A cold back to me

Saturday dawned a hazy grey
And I arose as you went to bed
So I could watch it pass one heartbeat
After one
Hoping the sun would burn off the clouds

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (04-01-2002 05:40 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2002-04-01 02:59 PM

Dang but if the cold didn't premeate the room, AND this piece...

sometimes cotton fog is good...and sometimes, it only hides the hurt...and sometimes...it helps to hide the wayward tear...

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

2 posted 2002-04-01 03:06 PM

wow........wow.......how the clouds permeate the room, the day outside, and the relationship.......wonderful work

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2002-04-01 03:10 PM

this is sad and touches deep, your words always have that way

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2002-04-01 05:02 PM

Saturday dawned a hazy grey
And I arose as you went to bed
So I could watch it pass one heartbeat
After one
Hoping the sun would burn off the clouds
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WoW! Do I know this kind of day or what?!
Amazing write here Ron...so pleased I didn't miss this one! Hugs.

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

5 posted 2002-04-01 05:10 PM

Ron...You have colored the mood here so well...the relationship and the weather. Well done, my friend!

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

6 posted 2002-04-01 05:29 PM

(big hugggsssssss) Oh Ron, I know these kind of days all too well, sweet friend, sometimes either I may feel down or my family has rough days and I just want to stay away from them just to let them relax and try not to build up their frustration! (sigh) This is very sadly depicted but wonderful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

7 posted 2002-04-01 09:45 PM

Time for a long walk, at least that's what I do. This is sad to me, but written with a style all your own, and that's the best part.

rwood
Member Elite

since 2000-02-29

Posts 3793
Tennessee

8 posted 2002-04-01 10:33 PM

I know quite well this feeling of such atmospheric pressure. Here's hoping that the weather man's forcast for sunshine..is right for once. Hugs!

Sincerely,
Regina

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

9 posted 2002-04-02 05:06 AM

This is extraordinary writing, Ron...

It always felt so good to read you ...

Regards
Sudhir
P.S. off to part II

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

10 posted 2002-04-02 06:28 AM

A hick?

Scuse me?

I'm not sure I'm going to let you live that down. Superb writing...realism with enough of the poetic edge.

One thing...I find this comma:

I just waited
Until you came out,
Crawled in your side of the bed

tagged on the end of a random line disconcerting

K

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

11 posted 2002-04-02 10:26 AM

Well, you just can't get along with some people, I guess. No matter how hard you try. Well done, as always.
Sandra

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