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Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

0 posted 2002-03-28 08:54 AM

All our beginnings are -

wait

- we compare to cars grazing roads
past houses, smooth within the hushed interior of
soft music or skidding crazy on roads out to Huia
covered in rain and dead leaves

I would like to lay alongside you and find the peace-green sea

        and along the shore
        Huia lies like the curve of a belly:
        that place when you lay your hand
        you’re holding love
        drifted
        and soaked
        separated only by
        air
        out there in my haven on a rock
        no one has understood how essential
        the shadows of layered shadow are
        on the moulded sides of the land
        sprawled like naked mothers, after birth

and those were my dreams I cast out
over the small fishing boats and gulls
while others sat next to me, unaware

Yes, all our beginnings are -

hold

- I’ve thought of it yet again:
how my impressions of you are embryonic
word-crafted, and when I reach
we’re unformed

but always there in the white light
            that follows epiphany, riding tides: you

and me
crazy-mad

headlong out there
where dreams are thrown

[This message has been edited by Severn (03-28-2002 09:00 AM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2002-03-28 08:57 AM

Before you ever reached the words belly or embryonic, I had the vision of a child floating in their safe world....

how good to see you gracing the blue pages again with your artistry!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2002-03-28 09:17 AM

Severn,
I think you have said more than you intended but you did it so well I can only say excellent.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2002-03-28 09:23 AM

and along the shore
        Huia lies like the curve of a belly:
        that place when you lay your hand
        you’re holding love
        drifted
        and soaked
        separated only by
        air
        out there in my haven on a rock
        no one has understood how essential
        the shadows of layered shadow are
        on the moulded sides of the land
        sprawled like naked mothers, after birth
First..I love the whole piece for its images and blend of word thoughts... but this is my favorite passage and contains for me an essence of something personal in my understanding and enjoyment...

As usual... so well crafted as to make a hack like me envious..and eager to read the next offering from your pen..

Aimster
Member Elite

since 2000-02-19

Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC

4 posted 2002-03-28 09:54 AM

This was really beautiful in both
its imagery and form. You certainly
do have an amazing talent with words!
Lovely!

Take care.
amy

"you can't stop
the rain
from pouring down
can't stop the
world from turning 'round
can't stop me from
loving you
no matter
what you do"

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

5 posted 2002-03-28 10:27 AM

Kamla

Tender and unique deep thought flowing...a big click of a poem, my dear...just wonderful!

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

6 posted 2002-03-28 11:11 AM

(smiles) Wow, this is wonderful, sweet friend, I too love the imagery you use and how you express it with how you feel! (sigh) I love it, sweet friend, your words always amaze me, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kamla, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

7 posted 2002-03-28 02:35 PM

...

repetitionrepetitionrepetition

hold

... and again/still mincing through unfit words to express the feelings/thoughts/visions a few words strung tightly together can bring out...

or maybe i should just say 'optimistic?'

Hugs K - will think more about this one. I think there's a layer i'm missing somewhere.

C

Krawdad
Member Elite

since 2001-01-03

Posts 2597

8 posted 2002-03-28 02:51 PM

Excellent.
Never been to Huia, but I have been there.
You know what I mean.
Nicely done.

e

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

9 posted 2002-03-28 03:08 PM

Headlong is good

Sort of speeding through situations

One never lacks for excitement

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

10 posted 2002-03-28 03:57 PM

wating on life. . . and on beginnings. . . and then, waiting on what. . . endings??

I like the way that you used the "wait" and "hold" to tell the reader to "stop and see what I've written, don't just rush headlong into the rest of it. . . "

the middle is a wonderful picture of being in love. . . but yet, still on hold. . . a feeling that pervades this. . . love. . . and life. . . still on hold. . .

the flow is very good. . . even with the holds. . . it makes it not rushed, as I said, so that we really stop and read what you're trying to say. . .

excellent my friend. . .

-----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Menage #1
Junior Member

since 1999-07-20

Posts 28

11 posted 2002-03-28 09:51 PM

Headlong in dreams.. what better place to be...

This is fabulous, Kamla...

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

12 posted 2002-03-31 04:30 PM

        sea

        and along the shore
        Huia lies like the curve of a belly:
        that place when you lay your hand
        you’re holding love
        drifted
        and soaked
        separated only by
        air
        out there in my haven on a rock
        no one has understood how essential
        the shadows of layered shadow are
        on the moulded sides of the land
        sprawled like naked mothers after     birth

SB, this is just wow, I really loved this.
excellent m'dear, the imagery just jumps out.

Maree

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

13 posted 2002-03-31 05:00 PM

Amazing vision and beautiful dreamy work!!

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

14 posted 2002-03-31 05:39 PM

but always there in the white light
that follows epiphany, riding tides: you

and me
crazy-mad

headlong out there
where dreams are thrown

Beautiful poetry Severn, I can almost picture the casting of dreams, like throwing caution to the wind, watching and waiting to see what comes back to us.
Impressive work indeed.

Jamie
Member Elite

since 2000-06-26

Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

15 posted 2002-04-01 08:22 PM

Love this-

quote:
and those were my dreams I cast out
over the small fishing boats and gulls
while others sat next to me, unaware

and the rest is pretty good too..

J

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

Elizabeth Cor
Senior Member

since 2000-10-13

Posts 879
Over the river and through the woods

16 posted 2002-04-01 08:51 PM

I keep coming back to this... reading, readying... and still, I don't have what I have to say yet... but I want you to know, I'm visiting, turning it over (and over) ... until the right ... something... comes.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

17 posted 2002-04-02 03:41 AM

It has been a while, but I have finally managed to read your work...

This is awesome... I enjoyed the various images that pop out of the words... Images in words... and what a unique and special style... envious as always... my dear friend, Kamla...

Regards to you,
Sudhir

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

18 posted 2002-04-02 06:17 AM

Kari...thank you mamaK...I always appreciate your words to me...

Sy...nope, I said it all how I wanted.

Your excellent means much...hugs

Ron...you're not a hick, not by any means. (remember my email...that's an order heh). Thank you..

Amy...thank you for stopping in. Hope you're doing well..and thanks for your kind words.

Martie...glad it gave you a click

Love ya, thanks..

Noah...thank you for your kind words..

C...now I know the missing layer, I can only say - I agree. Hugs and thanks. It begins in S k?

Krawdad...I do, everyone has their Huia right? thank you..

Interloper...oh yes, excitement there is..but also..peace. Cheers..

Sven...I think you're fairly accurate here...it's appreciated...tankees you..

Menage...and you know it!

Mmy...hey girl, I miss you! Hugs and thanks for your words..

Ethome...well, it is the stuff of dreams after all..thank you!

Blues..thanks for the impressive, means a lot..hugs for your words..

J - you can have a pout...

Glad you're back matey.

Megs...I know. Love you.

Suddy...so nice to see you! Have a big hug my friend..thank you..

K

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

19 posted 2002-04-02 07:18 AM

"and those were my dreams I cast out
over the small fishing boats and gulls
while others sat next to me, unaware"

"and me
crazy-mad
headlong out there
where dreams are thrown"

Sigh .... Kamla, you actually brought a tear to my eye with this piece this morning. It reminded me so much of a special time and special place when I used to sit and dream as a young girl. You captured an emotion that I far too often lose site of these days ... thank you for bringing it back in this delightfully moving piece.

PS ... check your mail, I wanted to send you something.

Best wishes and hugs,
/Kit

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

20 posted 2002-04-02 09:25 AM

yes....this is the peace
of vision that arouses thought

enjoyed it lady

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

21 posted 2002-04-02 09:43 AM

I’ve thought of it yet again:
how my impressions of you are embryonic
word-crafted, and when I reach
we’re unformed

but always there in the white light
that follows epiphany, riding tides: you

and me
crazy-mad

headlong out there
where dreams are thrown
just had to visit this again... and found this passage sticking out in my mind as I read it.... the flow and form this work offers the reader moves us into the thoughts and so mirrors the way thoughts progress...

again.... my compliments

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