uhh... i'm new... so read my stuff :)

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laconic
Member

since 2002-02-17

Posts 64
Melbourne, Australia

0 posted 2002-02-17 07:22 AM

my affliceted condition
burns like incesion
the blade cuts my mind with indecsion
i cant decide left or right
by your side
whats my side in this world so wide
do i belong or am i deformed
a freakshow jus waiting to say so long
but no matter my pain i'll keep on
coz i'm a fighter bred and born
my obstacles stand
my pressures demand
my times at hand
what can i do?
waht do i do?
surrender myself
or die for you
i dont know
when i'm finally tested will i be true
my mind draws blanks
nothing affixes itself in my head thats not a lie
my memories lost in a world behind
a dark place across the borderline
that i've drawn for myself in days gone by
now i try do all i can just to survive
and still have some common decency
try make u not avert ur eyes when u look at me
i may be a dark creature in all its description
but my heart yearns for peace and perfection
this is my affliction, an addiction to the rightoues
a hard task to keep and though i lose sleep
from this trial i'll never retreat.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2002-02-17 07:36 AM

Welcome to Passions, Laconic. Please check your E-mail for a Special Greeting...

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2002-02-17 09:22 AM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!

Well Done First Post!
I look forward to seeing more of your work here!
~Hugs, Nancy Lee~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So that you won't ever forget me~

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2002-02-17 12:14 PM

YAY!!! BRAVO!!! THIS IS A WONDERFUL FIRST POST, SWEET FRIEMD, may you overcome all these trials and find all the greatest cheer and dreams you are destined to find! I LOVE IT!!! Welcome to Passions, sweet Luke, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! (big hugggssssssss) We all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Luke, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Alan
Senior Member

since 2000-09-12

Posts 1499
right next door

4 posted 2002-02-19 12:44 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! I liked you title so I had to read your work. Great job. I hope to see more from you
alan

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

5 posted 2002-02-19 02:39 PM

Hi. We love new poets around here as you can tell. But since you asked for a critique that says 'speak your mind' I am going to.

Your writing has depth but is is difficult to read past the words that are misspelled. I would like to see you polish this up a bit and perhaps repost it.

If you need any help, we have a Critique Forum and a Poetry Workshop. Or if you want, you can email me and I'll be glad to help you out.

I look forward to reading more from you. Welcome to our humble poetic home.

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

6 posted 2002-02-19 03:39 PM

Welcome to Passions.
I look forward to your growth and improvement

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

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