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Open Poetry #19
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God with the Devil's kiss
| Open Poetry #19 |
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God with the Devil's kiss |
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Seek Up New Member
since 2002-02-19
Posts 3 |
One by one, he pulls off the grasshopper’s legs He tortures it’s soul weal for mercy it begs “Please forgive me for all that I sin” To bad for the grasshopper, death’s shift had to begin For why does he do what he does? Can he see the pain he causes? Just tell me please One by one, he fills us with hate Who are we to make our own fate? We kill, cheat, lie and steal Hungry for joy we want to feel For why does he do what he does? Can he see the pain he causes? Just tell me please Why do we hate, starve, kill and feel pains? Tied us down you did with these chains You went out of your way to make it like this You may be a god but you have the devil’s kiss For why does he do what he does? Why do we have such a cruel fate? Could not life be perfect, free from hate? So why do we do what we do? Because we are god me and you This is my first poem and I would be grateful for any feedback. Thank-you. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Seek Up - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
A very profound poem, that's my feedback. Welcome to Passions! Look around, get the feel of the place, read our guidelines, and all that great stuff. Also, while you're at it? Check your E-mail for a Special Greeting! Karilea |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
*sigh* your poem shows clearly the pain and confusion you feel...Personally I feel that it is mankind that makes life hell...we all know right from wrong but the choices we make often lead to the suffering of others...I hope you find what will give you a measure of understanding in this life...Welcome to Passions..you will find honest and loving hearts in abundance here...**big hugs**  Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. [This message has been edited by Startime (02-19-2002 01:44 PM).] |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
 WELCOME TO PASSIONS!! Very Profound First Post! I look forward to seeing more of your work. ~Hugs, Nancy Lee~ ~Love, like magic, depends on believing.~ |
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Seek Up New Member
since 2002-02-19
Posts 3 |
Thank you vary much for the kind words. I was wondering if anyone had some constructive ideas on how to make it better and how to improve on future poems. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 BRAVO!!! (tears fall down my cheeks) Oh my gosh, this is so very sad, it too breaks my heart to see generations pass to new generations these ideas of hatred and how mankind can be so vicious and have to grow to understand love and how innocence seems to falter! (big hugggssssss) This is so very heartachingm sweet friend, my heart goes out to you, this is a beautifully compassionate first post! Welcome to Passions, sweet friend, may you be inspired by all of us here a swe will all be inspired by your lovely words! We all love you so so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!   May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Welcome to Passions. I find you work hard to read ... it does not flow. You may want to check out some of the discussion groups for help in meter, etc. Your "he" is too nebulous. Identify "him" and make it easier for your reader to understand ... unless, of course, your purpose is to be nebulous and disjointed. How does "he" fill you with hate? Who is "you?" Is it "him?" Why would "we" have a cruel fate because of "him?" I hope you understand my points. If not, feel free to Email me and we can discuss it further. I look forward to your future presentations so I can observe your growth as a poet |
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