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Open Poetry #19
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February Moon
| Open Poetry #19 |
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February Moon |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859
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This is late, was supposed to be for that gorgeous Feb moon, but I have had the flu, so better late than never...... February Moon The stirring of my heart this night, From February's last moonlight. With hints of gold and orange red. Its mystery on this night is spread. An extraordinary glowing moon. That whispers a sweet mystic tune. As ice and snow reflect its light. More mirrored than a summer night. A symbol of all lovers dreams. Reflected in their eyes with gleams. Of magic love held deep inside. Where mounting ecstasies reside. Floria [This message has been edited by strbbux (03-03-2002 09:25 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Floria Kelderhouse - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Floria, A lovely write, Now we need one for march. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Beautiful Floria! Hope you're feeling better. ~Hugs, Nancy~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Imagine how you would write if you were well...OH my....I think this is superb.. nicely done Floria... |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
HEh Heh, keeping my quill busy are you, Thanks seymour, floria Floria "Alas for those that never sing, But die with all their music in them" (Oliver Wendell Holmes) [This message has been edited by strbbux (03-03-2002 09:56 AM).] |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you much Nancy, this horrid flu just hangs on and on. thanks much, floria Floria |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Magnus dear man, Now why did I know you would like this? you are truly a romantic. thank you much. floria Floria |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed  |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
This is a very lovely piece Floria, great flow and wonderful rhyme. A superb sense of peace and even a caressing feel to it. This line, however, seems a bit forced: "Reflected in their eyes with gleams." One thing I thought of was: Reflected in their eyes a-gleam. Which, unfortunately is still forced and uses assonance rather than exact rhyme. So it's not much help. Anyway, this piece is just too beautiful not to attempt a solution for that one line. Maybe it will take tweaking the line above it, too, so a different word can be used to rhyme. I wish you well in seeking a way, if you feel any agreement with my suggestion. Again, I truly enjoyed reading this one. February's moon, its full moon that closed the month was gorgeous, wasn't it! Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
VAS how very clever you are, that is certainly a forced rhyme and line, as I struggled with it over and over. I will have to work on that, your suggestion sounds good. better than mine, You are clever, that is exactly what happend I got stumped there, perhaps I could just change the word gleam and come up with something better. I do thank you kindly for your help. floria What do you think of this VAS? A symbol of all lovers dreaming. Reflected love, in their eyes gleaming. Of magical feelings held deep inside. Where mounting ecstasies reside. Floria "Alas for those that never sing, But die with all their music in them" (Oliver Wendell Holmes) [This message has been edited by strbbux (03-03-2002 11:38 AM).] |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
You've captured the moment in the moonlight quite nicely. I enjoyed the feelings and the vivid colors in this. It's always good to read you floria~ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
The stirring of my heart this night, From February's last moonlight. With hints of gold and orange red. Its mystery on this night is spread. ===================== that moon left a lasting impress on us all....beautiful imagery. hope you feel better soon. jm |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Floria It was lovely, wasn't it? You wrote it well! |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Awwwwwwww, this is soooooo beautiful, sweet friend, I understand how you've felt lately but it is never too late to celebrate the beauty of Lady Luna! (kiss on cheek) We all love you so much, sweet friend, this is breathtaking! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Floria, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Martie thank you, and yes. it was lovely,lots of quills were working that night. floria Floria |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you Vandana for always stopping by and reading my poems. floria Blues thank you much, I am happy you got the feeling of this. floria Janet, Yes, it was magical wasn't it. floria Noah dear. thank you so much and I loved your lady luna. floria Floria |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Floria - I am glad you posted this now instead of waiting until next February to do so. This was very nice, and I like the revision of the last stanza as well. Dave |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Floria darling girl are you still not well? I hope darling heart that you’ll be well soon. This is a stunningly good poem darling the moon inspired a lot of writing definitely. Your writing is always superb, in this its excellent, the revision is wonderful too. Utterly utterly wonderful writing, and I love it, well done    Love and warm stuff As always Mushy To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
I like your change a lot, floria. Now it gives me this thought: Reflected love leaves their eyes gleaming OR Reflected love has their eyes gleaming Now, do you want a period at the end of each line? Some lines seem to be continued from the line above giving the balance of the sentence. I'm so happy you appreciated my thoughts/suggestions. Your poem is so beautiful. Whether on the shoal or on the shore, I'll seek the lighthouse evermore. [This message has been edited by VAS (03-03-2002 05:37 PM).] |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
This is beautiful, Floria...are you going to write one for each month of the year? I'm glad you're feeling better.  copyright2002 Lyra Nesius |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Dave thank you very much. Oh I don't think I could have waited till next Feb.LOL floria Marsha dear thank you always for your flowing words.Yes I am feeling better, thank you for asking dear.. floria VAS yes I always will accept critique and now about those darn periods. I do think I am haunted and they show up there by themselves.. LOL,,,I will take care of it right away....thank you so much. floria Lyra, thank you, uhmmm well lets see, 12 months a year, that can't be too difficult. LOL floria Floria |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Floria~ And what a lovely sight it was....a beauty my friend... HUGS ou are feeling better right??? I ahve had that flu, no fun....be wellLauren~ Greeneyes~ |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thanks Lauren for you kind words, and yes thank you I am feeling a bit better but it will not go away. thanks dear. floria Floria |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
This is very nice Floria...James |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Dear floria, I really enjoyed this. If you want to fix the line, just put a semicolon on the line above, and put in: reflected in their eyes, it gleams. You keep the same meter and rhyme. I loved the picture you painted here. I'm a pushover for moons and things. Nan |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
Hope you feel better...love the moon..no matter what month it is ha..very lovely hon hugs ~Vic "Mistakes are the portals of discovery." |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you James for stopping by and replying, floria Pilgrimage, thanks so much, I see where that would work. I have used the semicolon much in a lot of work but it escaped me in this one. So thanks much. floria Floria |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you James very much for your kindness. floria Pilgrimage i thank you,yes that certainly would work better and keep the meter, I very often use the semi colon but I did not think of it in this instance, and I thank you much for your help and your reply, floria now i answered this quite a while ago and it didnt show up, hope I am not posting twice but I must respond to my friends and not pass them up which is so easy to do when the board moves fast. floria Floria |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you Victoria for always stopping by and reading and replying, floria Floria |
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