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Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

0 posted 2004-04-27 12:31 PM

Expostulation and Reply

"Although I am a man of God
And cherish song and melody
I care not for this book of hymns
Particularily---"

In worship on the Sabbath day
A patron sitting next to me
Thus issued his complaint of hymns
With words like "thou" and "thee."

"It is the tongue of buried men!
Today," he said, "we're far advanced
From such unnecessary words!"
And tossed his hand askance----

"Not so," I said, "It is the tongue
Of people with a gentler sense:
When language was an object of
Our utmost reverence:

Remember when, to Noble men,
The serf cried 'You!' upon his knee;
How yet he pray'd a holy 'Thou'
Whispered in sanctity;

Or, when the poet saw the land,
Instead of gather it together
Cried out 'Thou!' and drew it in
For a more intimate endeavour;

And Smith, when with the vulgar tongue
He spun the wisdom 'Ich und Du'
From Buber's mind, wrote 'I and Thou!'
For intimacy, too---

The death of 'Thou' may be a matter
Owed to growth of standard
But I attest that there are things
Our intellect has slandered.

We men, whose minds are less inclined
To put our numbers in suspension
Measure every utterance
To intellectual discretion,

And murder to dissect the tongue
Which had been lovely and ornate
When Chaucer dubbed it capable
To render and create---

Did not the Lord instruct His men
To build with stones untouched by steel?
Thus we have made bricks of our words,
And strayed from God's ideal.

So challenge not the book of Hymns
That sings with love obediently
Much rather than deny itself
Such words as 'thou' and 'thee.'"

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

1 posted 2004-04-27 07:26 AM

The death of 'Thou' may be a matter
Owed to growth of standard
But I attest that there are things
Our intellect has slandered.

We men, whose minds are less inclined
To put our numbers in suspension
Measure every utterance
To intellectual discretion,
===================================

The theme and intended message of inspire of this, is more brilliant than a mere moth of my non-intellect could ever do justice to.
These two verses speak volumes..the same volumes those who seem to believe they set the standards, would want to silence.

But I attest that there are things
Our intellect has slandered.

Somewhere...Shakespeare smiles at you....

Outstanding write Brian.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

2 posted 2004-04-27 08:49 AM

I agree..outstanding.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2004-04-27 08:55 AM

I kept looking for a special stanza
to bring here, in tribute...

but it's so well strung together,
I didn't want the pearls to scatter

so just know I love this one,
and have libraried it for your posterity!

Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen? Keeping in mind, I must stand close...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2004-04-27 05:06 PM

You are a rare and remarkable person of extraordinary talent.

(cute, too!)

I'm keeping this one, LP.

I love it.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

5 posted 2004-04-28 06:15 PM

Came back to take this one in again, didnt have a lot of time before and this impressive write needs to be sipped slow and its finesse savored.

As always...your mastery of vocabulary and language stand out, you consistantly find the perfect poetic phrasing to showcase your consumate verbiage. ... then, of course one has to admire your control of meter and cadence...which you blend together all the above componets with seamless constance.

But for me...the real impact of this gem is its inspire and theme...the whole play on words and analogy....
Coming to the defense of this art form that you have made your own....
now just how cool can you be.

"Not so," I said, "It is the tongue
Of people with a gentler sense:
~~~When language was an object of
Our utmost reverence:~~~

Remember when, to Noble men,
The serf cried 'You!' upon his knee;
~~~How yet he pray'd a holy 'Thou'
Whispered in sanctity;~~~

Or, when the poet saw the land,
Instead of gather it together
~~~Cried out 'Thou!' and drew it in
For a more intimate endeavour;~~~

and this verse.......

Did not the Lord instruct His men
To build with stones untouched by steel?
Thus we have made bricks of our words,
And strayed from God's ideal.

its such an awesome analogy and point made...
me thinks you should be a poetry lawyer. lol

oh and btw--
you aint wrote a brick in your life. *L*

but its these verses that are the heart of the write..they hold the intend and define the theme....

The death of 'Thou' may be a matter
Owed to growth of standard
~~~But I attest that there are things
Our intellect has slandered.~~

We men, whose minds are less inclined
To put our numbers in suspension
~~~Measure every utterance
To intellectual discretion,~~~

and?...they just flat out rock.

Which had been lovely and ornate

yes... your poetry is indeed that...lovely and ornate...and intellectually impressive.
I do so love the way your mind works.
Good to read you again LP...missed your poetry and your presence around here....no one reads between the moth's lines like the groovy bug dude.

Hope life is treating you well Bri-guy.

... and it's you ... you ... you ... you ...
the light changes when you're in the room.

M.B.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2004-04-28 06:24 PM

"yeah," grin, "what she said!"

sheesh

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

7 posted 2004-04-29 04:28 AM

One of the many things I have admired in your writing Brian, is your ability to bring this noble and time-honored language to a place within the present, where it flows as beautifully through your pen, as it did in the days with which it was common day.

You have a true skill in this, and one that is distinctive and highly regarded from my vantage. You are a connoisseur of language richly rooted in our history. I enjoyed the flow in this, and your clever defense of that which you speak.

Did I say you do it beautifully? Well you do … well written Brian. I very much enjoyed this.

Best wishes,
/Kit

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

8 posted 2004-04-29 11:22 AM

Brian

As always, I am very impressed with you.

Jeffrey Carter

Member Elite

since 2000-04-08

Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!

9 posted 2004-05-03 02:25 PM

quote:
You have a true skill in this, and one that is distinctive and highly regarded from my vantage. You are a connoisseur of language richly rooted in our history. I enjoyed the flow in this, and your clever defense of that which you speak.

Yup, What she said!

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

10 posted 2004-05-07 07:50 PM

Brian,

This is a wonderful piece. I read it a few days ago and did not have ample time to reply. I still don't but I wanted you to know how much I appreciate the poignancy as well as the theme. The English language indeed has been butchered for the sake of simplicity, as has poetry for the sake of convenience.

The death of 'Thou' may be a matter
Owed to growth of standard
But I attest that there are things
Our intellect has slandered

Great stanza there.

Michael

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

11 posted 2004-05-09 10:09 AM

This is an interesting poem to be sure. It provokes a great many issues and perhaps even thorns in the sides of some(in keeping with this apparent theme of using traditionally Christian language in discussing your subject matter). Since I am too lazy at this time to write my own poetic response(and I believe that it might be fun to have a bit of a game in which poets write a conversation of poems on a topic) you might like to look at Blake's poem "The Garden of Love," to see how some might see the "thou" language as being less than tender.

A good thought provoking and dare I say even fun poem from you, Allan. I will be adding this to my library for further study.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Ringo

Member Elite

since 2003-02-20

Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes

12 posted 2004-05-09 10:57 AM

I normally don't go for the rhyming poems... however with this I make a severe exception. It is very well done, and a very good read.
Thought provoking, and well written.
Definately one of your best.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again...
http://www.cmlb.net/ringo

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