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littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York

0 posted 2003-09-23 11:53 AM



O' soul of mine, thy path is drawn  
sleepless nights and endless dawn
bound within this silent song
Thy heart - thou wander'st - yet not in vain
upon thy blistered windowpane
epitome of eternal disdain

O' soul of mine, rid thee of pain

O' soul of mine, thy river deep
the moon a silent watch do keep
a guard within my endless sleep
Thy mind, save thee from perilous plight
protector from inherent fright
through this restless, bleeding blackened fight

O' soul of mine, bid thee goodnight

O' soul of mine, cataclysmic maze
I beg of thee, spite this burning rage
unlock the chains which bound thy gaze
Appear before me, angels which keep
secrets held and hushed asleep
reveal to me what I have reaped

O' soul of mine, thy fingers creep

O'soul of mine, I do implore
release thy burden, unleash the core
impart such key, unlock thy door
Show unto me, what I have foreseen
shimmering diamond of heart so clean
a fragment of recurring dream

O' soul of mine, an endless stream

O' soul of mine, I have awakened
thy pain endured has now been taken
this heart of mine, hath not forsaken
A simple thing, a seed belonging
planted in thy heart's sweet longing
has risen to thy kiss of morning

O' soul of mine, one rose adorning


  
    

[This message has been edited by littlewing (09-23-2003 05:57 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Sue Eckam - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
1 posted 2003-09-23 04:20 PM


This is the kind of poetry that, if I'd have written it, I'd be trying to get everyone to read it.  If I had written this and read it over again, Suzie, I'd be very, very pleased with myself.  Thank you for reminding me what it is that I should be aiming for with my poetry.  Your style is top-notch, and the scheme you've chosen (iambic tetrameter in most places) flows wonderfully with your writing.

On a side note, I encourage you to look up the word "naught."  

Much love,
Brian

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
2 posted 2003-09-23 05:49 PM


Brian,
I knew that didn't sound right . . .

*smile* thank you

who has stolen Brian and whoever has
please put him back this instant!


Thank you for reading and for such beautiful comments!  
Oh My, made me
really smile, you did  . . .

One day I shall write it perfectly
promise
(in most places laughing here, I know)
you are too good to me
Suzie
xxoo

[This message has been edited by littlewing (09-23-2003 05:58 PM).]

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
3 posted 2003-09-23 10:51 PM


LP is right, sweety...You should be proud of this. This write, like the work of LP, is beyond me. Lovely the way you can actually say something while wearing the handcuffs of structure and rhyme!

Kisses M'love
Ed

[This message has been edited by wranx (09-24-2003 11:43 PM).]

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
4 posted 2003-09-23 11:28 PM



Sue?..this is gorgeous...

Agreeing with Brian and Ed...be proud of this one...smile.

And?...smiling at this part...

"O' soul of mine, I have awakened
thy pain endured has now been taken
this heart of mine, hath not forsaken
A simple thing, a seed belonging
planted in thy heart's sweet longing
has risen to thy kiss of morning

O' soul of mine, one rose adorning"


Love the smiling voice of contentment in those lines.

Love and hugs to you, me sis...

When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

[This message has been edited by vlraynes (09-23-2003 11:30 PM).]

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2003-09-24 11:42 AM



Nurture this style, Sue...
not everyone can, though some try...
and you excel.

Teach us...

and let Bri have his moments...
he's a good guy that way...

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
6 posted 2003-09-24 10:32 PM


One of if not your best Sue
gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA
7 posted 2003-09-28 02:16 PM


VERY nice sue, like i said, from strength to strength with yer writes.

~I wanna live, I wanna give, I've been a miner for a heart of gold~  Neil Young

Ringo
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes
8 posted 2003-09-28 06:24 PM


Sue- I don't know how I missed this the first time. It is truly an inspired write from an inspiring lady.

We are all equal but we’re individually different
and able to reach the impossible if we try.

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