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every night when i close my eyes to fall to sleep
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every night when i close my eyes to fall to sleep |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
hey i changed the poem this one also has two versions.. the first version is how i exactly felt as i couldnt explain it at night but i tried to discribed it as i wrote down notes of the feelings.. version one(original) every night when i lay down to fall to sleep i have this feeling which is difficult for me to describe lonely nights come as my heart senses to cry something willing to come out a trapped felling deep inside where i feel this hurting feeling this feeling of loneliness this fear of which i can’t explain also this sadness to deepness of my heart deep in my heart and i don’t know for why i feel these feelings but these feelings always seems to come and they will come shortly when every night i lay down to fall to sleep dec. 7 this second version is the one with/out those exact emotions but..what i wanted 2 write in the poem.. version two(revise) every night when i lay down to fall to sleep i have this feeling which is difficult for me to describe lonely nights come as my heart senses to cry something willing to come out a trapped feeling deep inside though i don’t know for why i feel these feelings and never will i truly understand these feelings but these feelings always seems to come and they will come shortly when every night i lay down to fall to sleep dec. 7 hope you liked it and any suggestions would be great also this actually was going on for couple of days and finally stopped after i wrote this.. anyways...cya   ...?[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-28-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed it and welcome to the haven! woh000!!!!!!! you made it alive!!!!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Yeah, this place is really picking up lately... digging for older works is a great way to keep this running.  Wonderful poem, but it was very hard to understand. In a few places I felt like you were trying to confuse me...  Good job nonetheless. I need some tylenol. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
hehe...thank u allan and javier i'm glad 2 be here ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
ohh..yea one more thing...i know this is not one of my best as you can see from my other poems..but i think that to have great poetry to every exist sometimes there will be bad poetry cause as i always say no one even the greatest poets are perfect in heart.. and i usually post the insecure ones of my poetry to only know why i'm insecure of them anyways...cya ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
To me this describes perfectly how life can be perfect and yet sometimes you get those inexplicable sad and lonely feelings just before falling asleep, without having a good reason for them. Yep... it made sense to me. One little suggestion... perhaps some synonyms for the word feeling(s)? I enjoyed both versions though. |
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