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Diane fades this night
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Diane fades this night |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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The motion I notice -- your dim eyes closing, limned in swallowed light. Your hands fall free, open palms down. Empty. Your body relaxed, deeper and deeper, loosening, sliding back. Paint pooling on the surface of a clear, clean, glass-topped table. From your mouth, your dull teeth gleam. A cruel reminding constellation of mortality. Of hunger and need. Fulfillment and relapse. There are no words that turn to stars. The sounds of sleep -- your breath in rest. Your will and sadness. Each exhalation reminds the clock its purpose. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Mmmmmm. I've been sitting here for ten minutes trying to think of something to say that expresses the feelings that this has stirred up in my head, but I can't accurately describe them. From your mouth, your dull teeth gleam. A cruel reminding constellation of mortality. Of hunger and need. Fulfillment and relapse. I love those lines. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
such fades are reminders at times that now matter how young...or how alive..we are all mortal and all have limits... we all.. are walking but for a moment on this face of time... as usual... nicely done with a sense of macabre and directness in observation that is tempered with a talent for imagery and abstract. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
simply putting it, I hate time but loved this poem. Time always wins, and I don't think it can be fixed. thanks for writing this. insanity is not a crime |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Whoa! I loved this poem. Your use of artistic language in describing the passing of life is masterful. I find, however, that stanzas five and six break away from the form of the rest of the poem, in which each part of the picture you've painted for us is kept in a seperate stanza. This does create a break in the style and technique used in the preceeding stanzas. It is somewhat unsettling to me. But that could just be me. But perhaps you have broken from the previous stanzas so as to set the reader up for the next portion of the poem. In any case, I really liked the poem overall, especially the last stanza. Your first few stanzas are also quite well done. 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Mikey, and in death . . . we find beauty xxoo |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
woah.... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Is it a poem of death in the moonlight, or is a poem of moonlight itself (think "Diane")? Thanks for reading, all. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
HA! and I thought you were speaking of a woman . . . *smile* |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Diane is the godess of the moon. I think he is speaking of the phases of the moon. the 'fading' is the moon waneing. reminds the clock its purpose. maybee I'm wrong? the moon can show us a lot about time though. insanity is not a crime |
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