Drawing twilight in one breath

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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2003-08-12 02:16 PM

We sit on the blank face of the hill.
The same clouds skirting the same moon
preside over us.

Below, the city glows --
its light is no match
for the glowing end.
A cigarette nestled within your lips,
scribing shadows in the sky.

You draw the light out.

I watch you blow a halo,
imagined around the moon.
Soft twining twists, lighted silver.

Will they reflect in the streets,
across all the city's structures
rising to meet the sky?

This light.
Theirs to see.
Ours to keep.

I watch you watching me,
then reach across the space between us,
pull your cigarette free.

The only glow, now in tremble,
the passage that my hand defines
as the light travels from your lips
to mine.

Slow,
deep,
dark

draw.
Your subtle taste

in

exhale.

From our hill,
we watch the city,
as twilight's glow fades from the sky
(the same stars come into focus).
We break into night --

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

1 posted 2003-08-12 05:37 PM

Oh WOW Mike wow!

this is absolutely brill.

I'm keeping it.

Maree

fate is not just
whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

2 posted 2003-08-12 10:30 PM

The only glow, now in tremble,
the passage that my hand defines
as the light travels from your lips
to mine.

Slow,
deep,
dark

draw.
Your subtle taste

in

exhale.

hate to single out words or passages but these are just stunning words

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

3 posted 2003-08-12 11:12 PM

Damn.

This has to be one of my favorites of yours. I love the imagery...

this:
"A cigarette nestled within your lips,
scribing shadows in the sky.

You draw the light out."

Yes. In my mind, she takes the glow, the light into herself and it almost becomes tangible around her. The light, like that very thin layer of electricity surrounding a body. Very cool - I enjoyed this immensely.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

4 posted 2003-08-13 12:55 PM

um... WOW

The mental images...
The words...
The awesomeness...

You're my hero

There's nothing like a good fight with a horse to put your problems into perspective

Tiersdin
Member Elite

since 2000-11-17

Posts 2364
east coast

5 posted 2003-08-13 02:42 PM

Beautifully written Mikey. Nice to hear your romantic voice again.

~Tier

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

6 posted 2003-08-13 04:35 PM

Wonderful writing

Andy

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

7 posted 2003-08-16 12:19 PM

I think earlier in a thread in Family Dialogue, "A Call to Arms," I believe it was, you said something about this being a place to learn about subtlety... that's something I've never been much read at. But the way you wrote of that kiss, towards the end, for me just defines subtlety... you never come out and say it, you just describe it, leave the sensory interpretation up to the reader's own mind.

I've got a lot to learn from you, Mikey... thanks as always for showing us your mind.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

8 posted 2003-08-16 10:56 PM

Mikey it is all right here in one line:

You draw the light out.

she must be amazing . . .
*smile*
xxoo

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

9 posted 2003-08-18 07:03 PM

Thanks all, for giving this poem such a fine reception. LP, thanks for your wonderful and perceptive comment. And littlewing, yes, she is.

Thanks again.

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

10 posted 2003-08-18 07:04 PM

bloody hell...i was there, i got so close to the screen then, i nearly licked it.

for my library.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

11 posted 2003-08-19 08:13 AM

Nicely done Mikey... but I expect nothing short of an expected delight when reading you..and you never fail to provide me with that...

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

12 posted 2003-08-19 08:38 PM

in awe of your words. laughing at the picture of gem licking her computer. honestly this flows...something you lay awake thinking of. and you manage the subtlety perfectly. I've got a lot to learn too.

insanity is not a crime

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

13 posted 2003-08-26 02:47 PM

Much thanks.

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

14 posted 2003-08-27 10:36 PM

This is really awesome, I licked my computer just because Gem made me want to so bad.

I love the words, the balance, the picture formed in my head.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

15 posted 2003-08-28 01:12 PM

Licking screens leads to shocks.

Thank you.

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