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Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

0 posted 2003-08-07 02:06 PM

I thank you for your hospitality
among these jagged days.
You were too sweet, swaddling arms
around my relapsed form.
Your body heat was like a blanket.
You kept the winter out.
You made sure the water was full,
a kettle on the coals.

All I can offer you in thanks
is that I know your face.
The light is sharp when details blur,
another walk away.
But your eyes, their colored light,
orient my stumbling ways.
You keep the bandages warm and tight
against these jagged days.

If I ever lose my way,
if I slip and fall behind,
if I never know our place
I will always call you kind.

I know that is a useless comfort,
as words disintegrate.
But I will thank you once more
for holding to me these jagged days.

© Copyright 2003 MPC - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2003-08-07 02:23 PM

The slow drift into patterned rhyme was a bit of a surprise, but as always, I like to consider the form as part of the intent--

and I thought this rather effective, mike--as it the form starts out loose conveying a disjointed feel to the message,--like someone grasping to find the feeling in the memory-- and then the rhyme scheme parlayed into a sense of comfort in the memory...

I DO still study you, yanno.

Yer a friggin' genius. smooches.

Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
2 posted 2003-08-07 02:54 PM

I got the feeling of wistful rememberance from this...

And yes, this form was a surprise

"friggin' genious"  Yep

Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364
east coast
3 posted 2003-08-07 05:38 PM

Well done, Mikey.

I like this a lot.


Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
4 posted 2003-08-07 09:45 PM

i'm running out of adjective... I'm running out of good adjectives... ahh.  

You're using up all my good adjectives!  You're just too good, too good.

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
5 posted 2003-08-07 10:55 PM


Im bettin a SONG cooked this one up
in your head...

it's got that feel to it


Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
6 posted 2003-08-08 04:11 AM

I have no idea why but this reminds me of the hospital . . . when you were

messing with my head again, you are

[This message has been edited by littlewing (08-08-2003 04:12 AM).]

Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
7 posted 2003-08-08 10:34 AM

I use to feel like that once Mike, the comfort of knowing another like that...

a very loving poem


Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
8 posted 2003-08-08 10:41 AM

nicely done, Mike... enjoyed the intent, content and the form...


Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
9 posted 2003-08-08 11:20 AM

I find a sense of regret and greatful in this.  As always, well done!

Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

10 posted 2003-08-08 02:07 PM

Thanks, all, for reading. And yes, there was a song in my head, but I have no idea what it was.
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
11 posted 2003-08-09 04:14 PM

Gratitude can be a very effective form of repayment... especially when it comes to something that requires a good investment of thought and emotion, like a poem does.  I'm sure this person you speak of would ask for no more from you.

Great writing as always, Mike... very enjoyable.


Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

12 posted 2003-08-09 07:57 PM

Thanks, LP.
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA
13 posted 2003-08-10 04:48 PM

keeping this. nuff said.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

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