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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2003-08-01 01:01 PM

There is a poetry
in loss.

Something you've worked for
swept away.

The sails no longer catch wind,
but waves.

The deck is finally clean,
drifting to the deep.

Riggings whip and snap
where no one can see them
whip and snap.

The sun is the ceiling;
it mottles the floor.

Bubbles
like pearls

aggregate,
dissipate.

Sail swaddled wreck,
breathing the sea.

The light is the ceiling
that never collapses.

High tide; low tide,
hard to see the change from here.

Swim away, sway.
Sway, swim away.

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

1 posted 2003-08-01 01:29 PM

Strange. I've sat here and tried to think of another way to reply, something more, but all that sticks in my mind is strange (which is good).

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

2 posted 2003-08-01 09:44 PM

I *like* this.

Here:

"Riggings whip and snap
where no one can see them
whip and snap."

and here...

"High tide; low tide,
hard to see the change from here."

These two stanzas gave me a very interesting perspective of my images/interp. of the whole piece. Very nice, I like.

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

3 posted 2003-08-02 12:24 PM

damn

I read this....
without even seeing the title

and I read it
thinking
-sinking ship-

and I went abstract
thinking
about the slow motions
of it...such deliberate dancing

I came back and quickly checked the title...

laugh

I LIKE this 'un

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

4 posted 2003-08-02 10:51 AM

This was incredibly enjoyable to read, I was just swept away by the language that you have used and the mood that you have captured. Thanks for sharing this with us

Andy

Rawr, rawr, rawr

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

5 posted 2003-08-02 03:42 PM

High tide; low tide,
hard to see the change from here.

aye

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

6 posted 2003-08-09 06:41 AM

Again you caught your title perfectly with your poem. As in something I read by you just very recently you use the word "poetry" to mean something in your poem. I'd like to know what your definition of that word is? "Poetry?" What is the "poetry" in loss? Is it the strange irony of something built to conquer the sea, instead being conquered by the sea itself? I know you're speaking of loss and not simply of a sinking ship but, still, that much can be said for loss... something taken for granted being not only lost, but taken away violently by some undermined force...

Oh yeah... another one that really makes me think. Thanks for it as always Mr. Chmielecki.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

7 posted 2003-08-09 07:59 PM

Simply put, loss lends itself to writing poems.

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