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Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

0 posted 2003-07-30 12:51 PM

stars overflow
from this paper cup
dreams commanding
the helm of my thoughts
tears numbing
the open wounds
it has been lifetimes
i swore...
i mean i thought...
i was over you
emotion
was never my best subject
in school
nor was actually
facing you...
fire is my element
yet i prefer
scotch on the rocks
to tell you & your memory
to *censor* off

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.
[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (07-30-2003 01:00 AM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

1 posted 2003-07-30 07:05 AM

stars overflow
from this paper cup
dreams commanding
the helm of my thoughts
===========================
fire is my element
yet i prefer
scotch on the rocks
to tell you & your memory
to *censor* off
======================

love the imagery in this...the surreal essence of it..till you hit the reality of the last lines...perfect use of impact to close this out.
well done poetess

"How could I stand here with you and not be moved by you."

LH

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2003-07-30 05:01 PM

I loved the imagery and the language that you used, I really enjoyed reading it

Andy

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2003-08-03 05:42 PM

You know what? I really like this. The way that you conveyed everything into a neat little package is just awesome

Great job!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2003-08-03 06:26 PM

Ceinwyn! You attended a school
that taught emotion?
Do they sell courses via mail?

Excellent write!

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

5 posted 2003-08-03 07:55 PM

Hell yeah, couldn't have said it better. grrrrrrrr, ugh, people eh?

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

6 posted 2003-08-06 01:20 PM

This is one of those "to my ex" poems that I tend not to care about, but I don't want to let that ruin it for me. I like how you opened the poem, an unusual couple of words, nice imagery there.

As for the ending, why do you want to push away memory when it's all you have left? I think the good memories should be embraced, not cast aside just because they happen to reflect something that no longer can be. Eh, just my two cents...

Nice write...

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

7 posted 2003-08-06 06:24 PM

I like how you crack the poem in the head at the end. "Take that," the words say.

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