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The Bad Hour (Duet by Littlewing and Local Parasite)
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The Bad Hour (Duet by Littlewing and Local Parasite) |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York 
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Awake, my soul from slumber deep My skin still stained from amber touch Echoes in a chamber deaf My flesh entangled in a web Of rusted dreams and reality Lived within this peaceful slumber Thine eyes wide open from thy slumber Hearkened from a restless deep Creak of bone-crushing reality Knawing through this painful touch Skeleton fraying through this web Screaming to the living deaf Somewhere beneath the river of deaf Faces with eyelids sewn shut doth slumber Some sick arachnoid queen whose web Outlived her, left her spirit buried deep Beneath victorious chants that, with each touch Impress faster her cords with a blind reality She cackles, that this tortured, false reality So prostrate before her eludes the lips of those deaf Who shun their eyelids from the sunlight's touch, Curl into their chains, smile to a daily slumber Of cotton dungeons--light, however deep, A comfortable easiness in her deceptive web Tears, like rain, caught within her web Cleansing stark reality Laborous song from within this deep Crying agony to ears long deaf No longer eyes blind within slumber Now opened wide by gentle touch By loving hand and with this touch Silken strands of fraying web Break, one by one, her slumber Deep, blue waters rush upon reality Soothing one who once was deaf Emerges slowly from the deep My soul, reality has brought her from slumber Before thee--gently touch her lips, kiss them deep - Then cast her deaf, empty corpse back against her own waiting web. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Sue Eckam - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
cackling...what is this? sestina fever? eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeloveit? ye have pleased the witch! oh mightily too. (gimme a sec to get over myself) but this? made me shudder/weep/dizzy: "Of cotton dungeons--light, however deep, A comfortable easiness in her deceptive web" oooooh. cold place that is... and? I'm not going back.  can I get a hug from BOTH of you? |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Hahaha I heard that eeeeeeeeee . . . HUG HUG HUG Ok Brians turn (like I have to force him to yeah ok) Karen this was your sinister deed in the first place Lady and now numbers have invaded my every thought Thank you . . . Glad to have pleased you and yes Brian is quite amazing now, isnt he? xxoo [This message has been edited by littlewing (06-28-2003 07:01 AM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Well, this takes duality to a new level... smiling at both of you! |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
My skin still stained from amber touch Echoes in a chamber deaf Somewhere beneath the river of deaf Faces with eyelids sewn shut doth slumber Some sick arachnoid queen whose web Outlived her, left her spirit buried deep Beneath victorious chants that, with each touch Impress faster her cords with a blind reality She cackles, that this tortured, false reality So prostrate before her eludes the lips of those deaf Who shun their eyelids from the sunlight's touch, Curl into their chains, smile to a daily slumber Of cotton dungeons--light, however deep, A comfortable easiness in her deceptive web ================================ WHOA...talk about imagery and verbiage ... damn this is a very cool write... you guys have some very powerful lines and images in this...so stark and vividly surreal with a dark serrated edge to it. And as if dueting isnt hard enough...you two take on such a difficult structured format.. very impressive! Excellent offering to the challenge poets.  All I can feel is this distance between you and me. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Thank you Karilea . . . it was a pleasure to write (well not the work itself - those numbers . . .) Janet - thank you so much - Brian was a huge help - I wouldnt have finished it if he didnt take the reins |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Ahhhh a great write both of you, dark and mysterious. Enjoyed very very much. adding to my library. Maree |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Thank you Maree Am honored that you have read indeed xxoo |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
YOU, Suzie, are a rising star in the poetry world, you know that? Thanks everyone for your responses, and thanks especially to you, Suzie, for the experience of not only writing with you but finding a new and valuable friend. Hopefully we'll work together again one day. Next time you're at a loss for a next stanza, send what you got to me and I'll follow you up, hehe...  Much love to all of you, Brian Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world. |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Well done Well crafted A thing of dark beauty Ed |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
awww Brian - you are so sweet . . . Thanks to you I am learning much and you better believe next time I try to take on one of Karen's insane requests, you will be called upon indeed I will always be your friend xxoo Thank you Ed - it is dark isnt it? Ahhh nicely dark - just as you noted Thanks guys xxoo [This message has been edited by littlewing (07-13-2003 09:22 PM).] |
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timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
Wonderful write Sue and Brian.... on it's way to the library!  |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Thanks Tima - this is a sestina which I vow to never ever attempt again . . . |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
i really like this one, sestinas our my goal for the moment so well see, but you def. gave me some inspration! "For those who understand you, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, none is possible." |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
This is...magnificent...both of you are, as well. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
A wonderful work of art...building one on the other into a whole...much enjoyed!! |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
wonderfully written |
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Tequilia_Sunrise Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada |
great imagery |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Masterful, that's the word....this poem hits hard. Any site would be proud to have a member who produces work like this. To have two, whose voices blend so, honors Passions. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> ______________Ratleader______________ |
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