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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

0 posted 2001-03-19 04:30 AM

There's something evil in me, seething,
it prays you'll find no thing as easy
as all the days we passed carefree
I hope you gave it all to me
no thing leftover to reheat
I hope you crave me - hunger - sweet--
and every hour hear my plea
a graveled heart beneath my knees...
feel the bite of lover's bleed
I wish you well, but pray--you'll need
It just might spark humanity
a piece of faith - a mustard seed
and in the glitter of my tears?
I pray you see reflection's fears...

© Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-03-19 11:15 AM

I thought this was very good. I liked it serenity!!!! Wonderful poem!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

2 posted 2001-03-20 04:45 PM

This is a wonderful piece! I can relate to everything you are saying. I hope that you don't have to give into any of those fears. Thanks for sharing!

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2001-03-22 12:00 PM

You certainly hit home runs....
Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
4 posted 2001-04-22 10:44 AM

I'm with Sunshine, you rock girl.     I definitely see what you are saying in this poem, and agree 100%.  
A critique though, perhaps this poem would have had a better flow if you'd incorporated a bit of meter?  
Don't stop with these outstanding works.  

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-04-26 07:57 PM

great job on the poem..
i liked it..
thanks for sharing
keep writing


death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
6 posted 2001-05-30 05:15 PM

I pray you see reflection's fears...

powerful writing as always

"you are what you own in this land, you can be king and it all depends on the view and what you can see"  Whipping boy

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
7 posted 2001-06-01 05:30 AM

Your last line, that is the strength of this poem.. yeah this is good.. very beautiful, your writing often has a haunting quality, you know that..  

“One word can be magical. Imagine then, the effect of several words, together..”

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