»
Sanctuary
»
Poetic Haven
»
Staring At Storms
| Poetic Haven |
|
Staring At Storms |
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
The rain slithered down my window, Serpent that it was, Constricting my movements With its smothering coils of wind Leaving me wrapped, Entwined in thoughts that crushed Fragile ribs surrounding Even more delicate memories Until I could not breathe A single breath of you. I’d cry But even the tears hissed at me |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
CPatHair~ I found this totally captivating~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I'm sending you a rainbow  |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
and to top that off? Your cheer up buddy wants to beat her own uterus with a hammer!  I tell ya, some days it just doesn't pay to get up in the morning. This is beautifully sad. Do you think you could write some equally lovely for MY condition?  |
||
|
Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"I’d cry But even the tears hissed at me" Let me try to tell you what those lines provoked in the span of a millisecond... I simultaneously sucked in my breath, jerked my head up a bit and visualized tears sliding down your face with little serpent heads on them......geez you are good!!! (Either that or I need therapy) Susan C. |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
There are no storms outside my window and still I cry. Sad one sir... |
||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
'Entwined in thoughts that crushed Fragile ribs surrounding Even more delicate memories Until I could not breathe A single breath of you.' LOL @ Susan. Ditto that and I think it's a bit of both...  |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Yes, tears run that hot that hiss at one's folly... Excellent. |
||
|
littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Ron: this is brilliant - the tear shissing - I actually pictured hissing through sharp pointed teeth like a rapid feline . . . I think I need therapy lol brilliant writing xxoo |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
thanks to all of you... for the time and the comments, you are all far too kind.. Now... as for the ones who say they need therapy or have questions as to whether they need therapy... LMAO.. join the crowd... take anumber and get in line. sincerely..thank you all again. |
||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
This is one of the ones that I managed to miss, so I'm sorry for the late reply. But hey, you get a bump, so it's not all that bad is it? This poem is a great example of the poetic imagination. Looking at the storm inspires so many thoughts in you that it nearly brings you to tears, as you describe... but even the tears would hiss at you... what an interesting concept. I think that I understand, though. Crying is like opening up all the old wounds to bleed again. If the storm would inspire such sorrow in you, actual tears would be infinitely worse, so you feel that you must hold it in... You, my friend, have the soul of a poet. Parasite Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world. |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Bri...if I have the soul of a poet I can only say it is too bad I do not have the skill set to go with it thanks for the comments bud... they are noted and appreciated. |
||
|
fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
A beautifully constructed image describing another image, which inturn probably describes something still deeper. You have created a multi-levelled metaphor to describe the speaker's distress in this poem. This is definitely one for my library - a jem for any lovers of metaphor out there! 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
||
|
aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
I wish I write half as good as you do  Eliza Simmons |
||
|
ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
'Entwined in thoughts that crushed Fragile ribs surrounding Even more delicate memories Until I could not breathe A single breath of you.' ---------------------- WOW!!! That's amazing, it's like something I've felt but never been able to express and this says it perfectly  luv, liz xxx "Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~ |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
thank you all..for the comments and nice thoughts... they are appreciated! |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
The storm strikes with its images here... The write is captivating, my friend... regards sudhir |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
