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Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

0 posted 2003-05-24 09:25 PM

I saw myself in my mirror
darkened patches
blackened orbits

My doctors say it's better
scarred surfaces
blurred memories

I stare into this brightened future
knowing I lost my right to love
so many years before this time
Grounded by my youthful crime
dying under those above
I stare into my darkened past

I see him stand before me
blackened patches
darkened orbits

He says it's better
I want to believe
My brother

desire will kill us all
I've opened the wound and
disease is soon to come

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
My Creations

© Copyright 2003 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
1 posted 2003-06-01 12:25 PM

This is powerful and touching, Frac... difficult to interpret, of course, but I think that actually adds a lot to the poem by giving the reader more of an ability to relate to the general sense of self-forgiveness, of looking back on one's own past self and trying to see if it's "getting better" or not.

It's sad that you're pessimistic about the future for yourself, Fractal.  I'd offer some words of encouragement if I knew exactly what this poem referred to, but I don't.  Maybe I'll just talk to you later about it?

I like the style this is written in.  It's a good example of the simplicity and bluntness that makes dark poetry so effective, which is exactly why I could never write it myself... the last stanza is perfect and complete, the repeated lines well-selected... overall this is an outstanding poem and deserves more than zero replies.

Glad I took the time to read.  Talk to you later, Kev.


Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

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