In Search of You (Duet with nakdthoughts)

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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2003-05-21 02:35 PM

I wonder if I'll ever know
And learn from what I've missed,
Slipping past reflection's time,
From words tied into twist.

Demise my innocence in depth.
Be sealed by feelings, kissed.
Beyond the face the mirror holds
A time of "can't resist".

I wonder if the will shall grow
Or in time just be dismissed
Like truth that's told in simple rhyme
The words, a writers grist.

Lay rest the tears I've often wept
O'er this painful lovers tryst
Behind their pain my heart be bold
Adding love to my life's list.

Into your arms, I wish to be
A blessing in disguise.
Waited far too long, this rose,
To be viewed by touching eyes.

Ascending to an openness,
For both to realize,
Those random thoughts are of the You
That breathes life from my sighs.

I wonder if I'll ever know
And learn from what I've missed,
To find with you, special time,
That turns my life in twist.

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (05-21-2003 07:46 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-05-21 02:39 PM

This is better'n any old game...
enjoyed very much, you two!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2003-05-21 03:00 PM

This went down so smooth.

Pause.

I wait now, for the cheap shot?

grins...

but seriously folks, the flow here is seamless.

I applaud.

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2003-05-21 03:37 PM

I really enjoyed this as well. It ran very smoothly off my tongue. Bravo.

Marilyn.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

4 posted 2003-05-21 04:46 PM

You should all give M the credit here... she is the one who kept me in check and made sure my meter was correct... like an English teacher I once had used to do in fact..all that was missing was M twisting my ear when she told me what I was doing wrong..LOL and I am not sure she wouldn't have doen that if she could have reached through the screen and gotten ahold of it..

Thanks M... for the lessons and the experience... I enjoyed it a great deal!
NOW..get in here and take a bow..you deserve it!!!

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

5 posted 2003-05-21 07:24 PM

Sorry, I just got home a bit ago...well to be very honest with you, I only changed two or three words and nothing more. Ron has a great rhythm.

And don't let him fool you. He knows how to rhyme and to follow a format, too.

but hey Ron...go and capitalize that first stanza's beginning lines...I followed yours and thought I had asked you to do that

to each first word.
So I may not be reaching you through here...but I am going to keep reminding you

or make you stand in a corner(which is illegal today)
Thanks Ron. You responded rather quickly to my thoughts. And I like your title.

M
And thank you to all who read and responded.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2003-05-21 08:25 PM

aha! So she held the whip over YOU, eh cap?

*wink*

I was wondering...the meter IS tight!

Again, great job!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

7 posted 2003-05-21 10:01 PM

I love the blending of rhyme and emotion in this bittersweet write...the longing is palpable. You guys have some lovely poetic phrases and word play in this.
Well done dueting poets.
Ron...when ya signed up for this...we should have warned ya "rhyme happends"

Great writing you two.

I refuse to accept that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism & war that the daybreak of peace can never be reality.
MLK

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

8 posted 2003-05-21 11:08 PM

Simply beautiful...it's amazing. There is no way to tell where one or the other wrote.. great job!

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

9 posted 2003-05-22 02:20 AM

This is sweet, you two.  The rhyme and meter seem alright, I think M did a fine job keeping you in line for the most part, Ron... actually, I'm pretty proud of you for being able to pull it off so well, except for the handful of words she must have changed, of course...

Although there's a slip in the second last line which could be patched up with the letter "a" between a couple of stresses, if you know what I mean.  If you don't, well, ignore me.

Nice work.  For the most part I think this is a strong piece of poetry... I like the subtle imagery and the part about the mirror behind the face... but I have to admit I found the closing a little weak.  Hey, gotta be honest... otherwise what are my words worth at all, right?

Maybe I'll give you a shot sometime myself, Ron.  Looks like you're really having fun being the poetry whore of the Duet Club...

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

10 posted 2003-05-22 04:22 AM

"Maybe I'll give you a shot sometime myself, Ron"

Somebody STOP me!!!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...........

Ron? um, he DOES give great reply...

(told ya'll to stop me...)

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

11 posted 2003-05-22 08:12 AM

Well done both of you....you make a great team.

enjoyed.

Maree

sea_of_okc
Senior Member

since 1999-06-15

Posts 568
Oklahoma City, OK, USA

12 posted 2003-05-22 11:04 AM

This is a wonderful poem, it flowed so smoothly and your styles blended seamlessly.

Sure am glad someone pounded meter and rhyme into Ron's head before I started a duet with him!!!

[This message has been edited by sea_of_okc (05-22-2003 11:04 AM).]

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

13 posted 2003-05-22 05:53 PM

It didn't take much pounding...
and thanks

M

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

14 posted 2006-10-02 12:37 PM

I do know this, there are things I've missed, poems like this among them....and things I miss...poems like this among them. I can't say I've learned, though it feels as if I have.

I don't know whether this poem made me wistful, or I perhaps brought it to the poem with me...but wistfulness it is.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

15 posted 2006-10-02 12:06 PM

awww you made my day Ed...I don't even remember doing this (an age thing probably)

Thank you for bringing forth a past that I enjoyed... been a tough day today for me so this was a bit of pleasure in it.

M

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

16 posted 2009-08-09 06:45 PM

just reminiscing a bit~~ and missing, too

M

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

17 posted 2009-08-09 11:44 PM

Gee, he has not been here for a long, long time, glad you revived this Maureen.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

18 posted 2010-06-16 04:01 PM

One never knows what surfaces....or who...

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

19 posted 2010-06-16 07:14 PM

or when, or why. You should contact those
who remember.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

20 posted 2010-06-17 07:07 AM

always good to reread you C.

M

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

21 posted 2010-07-21 12:14 PM

reread me? hmm..... don't remember this as being all me...

but, ma'am, it is nice to see you are still here and sharing words now and again.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

22 posted 2010-07-21 08:10 PM

((hugs you))

M

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